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Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] - Printable Version +- World Beyblade Organization (https://worldbeyblade.org) +-- Forum: Beyblade Discussion (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Beyblade-Discussion) +--- Forum: Beyblade Wiki (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Beyblade-Wiki) +--- Thread: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] (/Thread-Poison-Serpent-SW145SD-draft-It-s-up-hurrah) |
RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Almost Perfect!] - hihiper - Jun. 12, 2011 On the part where you put SW145 has three 'wings' you could also put 'fangs' because it would fit more into the serpent theme RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Almost Perfect!] - Wraith - Jun. 12, 2011 'Theme' doesn't matter. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Almost Perfect!] - th!nk - Jun. 12, 2011 Just change the serpent description to what I suggested, which is in line with beywiki standards, and the article is perfect. Honestly, it's better than a lot of currently existing artocles, you should have no problem getting it approved. I guess you should change the title to indicate completion, as there honestly shouldn't be anything more to add, other than formatting with wiki code (whoevers job that is). I've run it through word to check for spelling/grammar, and it didn't find anything (well, once you change the serpent description). I kinda feel like I've muscled in here, but the article is all yours, so yeah ![]() Edit: As for the "fang" thing, given they don't really look like fangs, and we usually use "wing" to describe a structure like that, leave it ![]() RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Almost Perfect!] - Wraith - Jun. 12, 2011 Done. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - th!nk - Jun. 12, 2011 Not changing the CW part? "The Serpent Clear Wheel has a rather angular design featuring eight serpents overlapping and interlocking with each other in a pattern reminiscent of a Celtic knot. The original release is deep green." Is in line with other beywiki articles. Of course,if you don't want to change it, you don't have to ![]() RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - Ultra - Jun. 12, 2011 Chance the part which says SD is the only reason to buy this bey. SW145 is useful. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - th!nk - Jun. 12, 2011 It says "only real reason", which is fair enough, as SD is the only top tier part in the bey. Don't get me wrong, SW145 isn't bad, but there are normally better options, it's a pretty niche part. Other than the CW thing, Wraith, just go through and change every "it's" to "its", unless it's used as a shortening of "it is" (which I don't think there is in this article.). RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - Serotonin - Jun. 12, 2011 (Dec. 27, 2010 1:19 AM)Wraith Wrote: Face: Serpent I edited hopefully all the grammatical errors, as well as adding some fluency. I changed a lot of the SW145 section since I felt most of it was contradictory; have a look and tell me what you think, really. In the overall section I removed the "better" alternative Dark Bull, which, for all intents and purposes, is completely similar and not a significant improvement on Poison Serpent. Really, I just want to get this up since this is one of the most useless Beys ever, haha. Let me know what you guys think. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - th!nk - Jun. 12, 2011 That's excellent, ♥. I'd prefer the CW sentence starting with "The Serpent Clear Wheel's rather angular design..." or "Serpent's rather angular design...", as that seems to be the standard opening, and just sounds nicer to me. Wraith may have more to say, but yeah, I think that's awesome. I think the thing with Dark Bull is because it IS similar, but a better buy, as it comes with SD, H145 (which is often better than SW145), and Bull, which is useful, at least moreso than Serpent. Dark is arguably less useless than Poison, too ![]() RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - Serotonin - Jun. 12, 2011 I originally wrote "Serpent's rather angular design", but I felt it was awkward to have the word serpent twice in one sentence. Hmm, I thought about that too - I doubt there are any recorded tests comparing SW145 and H145, but I would assume they are quite similar. The reason is, I didn't really want to recommend a similarly useless Bey, even if it was more useful than Poison Serpent, haha. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - th!nk - Jun. 12, 2011 I can understand that. I would personally go with "The Serpent Clear Wheel's rather angular design", but honestly, that's little more than personal preference. And yeah, fair enough about Dark Bull. Well, I certainly think it's good enough to go up, better than a few articles already on the wiki, even. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - Serotonin - Jun. 12, 2011 http://wiki.worldbeyblade.org/index.php/Poison_Serpent_SW145SD Okay right guys, it's up! Need some images, but at least the text is up. Let me know if there are any errors. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - th!nk - Jun. 13, 2011 Awesome, I'll take a look when I have my laptop. I'll take pics when I'm better if no one does in the mean time. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [Perfect] - Wraith - Jun. 13, 2011 Thanks Kei. It's great. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] - Janstarblast - Jun. 13, 2011 Well, a great article about a bad bey is finally up. It looks great! Well, am I allowed to give some pics? RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] - Wraith - Jun. 13, 2011 I think you should ask a mod, but it should be fine. RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] - Wizard - Jun. 13, 2011 Congrats Wraith. ![]() ![]() RE: Poison Serpent SW145SD draft. [It's up, hurrah!] - Wraith - Jun. 14, 2011 Thanks. |