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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (BBB OC Story) (Completed Until Further Notice) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Story-Of-Lane-s-Sister-Athena-BBB-OC-Story-Completed-Until-Further-Notice)
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:20 PM)JJustice Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:19 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: you just wrote numbers. No info, no background.
cause im at school
so what?
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LegendJustice - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:20 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:20 PM)JJustice Wrote: cause im at school
so what?
I got bored so I logged on to the WBO then then i gave a quick rating then i had to head back to class
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:23 PM)JJustice Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:20 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: so what?
I got bored so I logged on to the WBO then then i gave a quick rating then i had to head back to class
Bruh, in EVERY fan fic, you make ratings without info, or any stuff that could help the author. A
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - i'm batman - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:19 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:17 PM)JJustice Wrote: hmm I thought this was boring but I will just give you a rating
plot 4/5
grammer 5/5
characters 6/6
overall
15/15
you just wrote numbers. No info, no background.
They also gave it a perfect rating despite saying the chapter was boring lol.
About the chapter, it was fantastic! Lane breaking Adeona was sad but the battle itself and her interaction with Shu and the others later on was nice. Also, did you deliberately make Athena's injury similar to Shu's?
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:25 PM)i'm batman Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:19 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: you just wrote numbers. No info, no background.
They also gave it a perfect rating despite saying the chapter was boring lol.
About the chapter, it was fantastic! Lane breaking Adeona was sad but the battle itself and her interaction with Shu and the others later on was nice. Also, did you deliberately make Athena's injury similar to Shu's?
Mr. JJustice just wrote random things.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LegendJustice - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:25 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:23 PM)JJustice Wrote: I got bored so I logged on to the WBO then then i gave a quick rating then i had to head back to class
Bruh, in EVERY fan fic, you make ratings without info, or any stuff that could help the author. A
alright first I gave it with info in bionic battle and more
(May. 21, 2021 3:26 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:25 PM)i\m batman Wrote: They also gave it a perfect rating despite saying the chapter was boring lol.
About the chapter, it was fantastic! Lane breaking Adeona was sad but the battle itself and her interaction with Shu and the others later on was nice. Also, did you deliberately make Athena's injury similar to Shu's?
Mr. JJustice just wrote random things.
and dude I don't read lots of fan fic
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 7:55 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Woo boy... Heres Chapter 37
https://www.wattpad.com/1072915001-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Spanish dance goes brrrrrrr
So I'm kinda burned out and don't have much to say, but here goes the rating regardless.
Plot: 5/5. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! I knew it! But dang, it still hurt..
Dialogue: 5/5. All hail Shu's motivational powers and sweet mother/daughter interactions!
Characterization: 5/5. Great, I think we're all done with Lane's carp by now. It'll be kinda hard to wait until chapter 52 for him to be put in his place, but oh well...
Grammar: 4/5. It's fine, but sometimes tenses switch and it's kinda confusing (or maybe it's just me)
Battle: 4.5/5. Adeona noooooooo-
Final Rating: 23.5/25. Pretty solid chapter, now let's see how long it will take for Athena to master the Limit Break.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 21, 2021
Chapter 38: The White Suns Rebirth! Adeona Heaven!
Chapter 39: Fierce Training! Master The Limit Break!
Chapter 40: New Friend, New Rival! Lunatic Cthulhu! BeybladeManiac0
Chapter 41: Adeona's Counterattack!
Chapter 42: Visit To Valhalla Manor!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 7:43 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 38: The White Suns Rebirth! Adeona Heaven!
Chapter 39: Fierce Training! Master The Limit Break!
Chapter 40: New Friend, New Rival! Lunatic Cthulhu! BeybladeManiac0
Chapter 41: Adeona's Counterattack!
Chapter 42: Visit To Valhalla Manor!
Adeona Heaven? Bad name.
How about Divine Adeona?
Divine Adeona
Hero Adeona
Spiritual Adeona
Angel Adeona
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 7:51 PM)Ryuga's Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 7:43 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 38: The White Suns Rebirth! Adeona Heaven!
Chapter 39: Fierce Training! Master The Limit Break!
Chapter 40: New Friend, New Rival! Lunatic Cthulhu! BeybladeManiac0
Chapter 41: Adeona's Counterattack!
Chapter 42: Visit To Valhalla Manor!
Adeona Heaven? Bad name.
How about Divine Adeona?
Divine Adeona
Hero Adeona
Spiritual Adeona
Angel Adeona
You realize this is a Limit Break system Bey right? And those names combined with Limit Break: (Insert name) would just sound incredibly ridiculous.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 7:59 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 7:51 PM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: Adeona Heaven? Bad name.
How about Divine Adeona?
Divine Adeona
Hero Adeona
Spiritual Adeona
Angel Adeona
You realize this is a Limit Break system Bey right? And those names combined with Limit Break: (Insert name) would just sound incredibly ridiculous.
There is a different way to do it... A new Limit Break Technique. That would unique and cool. But your choice, your fan fic.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - beykid44 - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 8:01 PM)Ryuga's Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 7:59 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: You realize this is a Limit Break system Bey right? And those names combined with Limit Break: (Insert name) would just sound incredibly ridiculous.
There is a different way to do it... A new Limit Break Technique. That would unique and cool. But your choice, your fan fic.
limit break heaven sounds cool tho
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LegendJustice - May. 21, 2021
Keep up the good work
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Instarez - May. 21, 2021
Adeona Heaven fits the naming system, but it feels like 2 words mashed together instead of 2 words that fit together well imo.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - MasterofDerp - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 8:53 PM)Instarez Wrote: Adeona Heaven fits the naming system, but it feels like 2 words mashed together instead of 2 words that fit together well imo.
Also Heaven is technically taken by Heaven Pegasus
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - sushiroll1234 - May. 22, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 9:44 PM)MasterofDerp Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 8:53 PM)Instarez Wrote: Adeona Heaven fits the naming system, but it feels like 2 words mashed together instead of 2 words that fit together well imo.
Also Heaven is technically taken by Heaven Pegasus
not the same system
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - MasterofDerp - May. 22, 2021
(May. 22, 2021 1:26 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 9:44 PM)MasterofDerp Wrote: Also Heaven is technically taken by Heaven Pegasus
not the same system
Uh, you do realize the taken names carry over throughout all systems, right?
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - sushiroll1234 - May. 22, 2021
(May. 22, 2021 1:39 AM)MasterofDerp Wrote:(May. 22, 2021 1:26 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote: not the same system
Uh, you do realize the taken names carry over throughout all systems, right?
'-' name a ring from gt that is in sparking or any other seasons
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - MasterofDerp - May. 22, 2021
(May. 22, 2021 1:56 AM)sushiroll1234 Wrote:That’s the point. They can’t reuse names from previous Beys regardless of the system. Also they’re called based, not rings. The only exception to this rule was Cho-Z and Dead, but Cho-Z was to describe an entire sub system, and Dead is b/c Hades literally got combined with Phoenix, so it’s still technically the same bey in a different form.(May. 22, 2021 1:39 AM)MasterofDerp Wrote: Uh, you do realize the taken names carry over throughout all systems, right?
'-' name a ring from gt that is in sparking or any other seasons
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 22, 2021
Why exactly are we arguing over a simple name?
Adeona Heaven is staying as is. I dont really give a damn about the naming system.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - BeybladeManiac0 - May. 22, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 8:03 PM)beykid44 Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 8:01 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: There is a different way to do it... A new Limit Break Technique. That would unique and cool. But your choice, your fan fic.
limit break heaven sounds cool tho
What about OVER HEAVEN
*time stops*
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 29, 2021
Currently thinking of how i can bring in Lucifer The End in Season 1
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 31, 2021
![[Image: 2ea1bc867408a4f0bc4d46572dc22ecfe7579c68...8v2-hq.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/26gVZKKd/2ea1bc867408a4f0bc4d46572dc22ecfe7579c68r1-1536-2048v2-hq.jpg)
Adeona Heaven/Royal
@tenma PinkRose
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - reshiwum - May. 31, 2021
(May. 31, 2021 3:10 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
Adeona Heaven/Royal
@tenma PinkRose
Ayy those drawings are pretty neat! It's just that Adeona's palette is not what I expected haha /lh I thought Adeona's palette would be Ivory-gold toned. Still, those drawings are very neat!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 31, 2021
(May. 31, 2021 3:10 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
Adeona Heaven/Royal
tenma, PinkRose
Woah, this looks really good! Royal gives me Rock vibes for some reason but hey, it still looks really pretty. Love the Chip's color scheme too.