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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (BBB OC Story) (Completed Until Further Notice) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Story-Of-Lane-s-Sister-Athena-BBB-OC-Story-Completed-Until-Further-Notice)
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - i'm batman - May. 01, 2021
Whew, finally finished reading the whole thing. I can follow the chapters as soon as they are released now. Definitely one of the best Beyblade fanfics I've read. The one thing I want to say is that when I read that Elaina was a ruler of a kingdom, it took me 2 seconds to register it, but, Lane is a prince. And he lives in an industrial warehouse. The irony is hilarious! Oh, I also left a couple of comments on your last chapter on Wattpad ^_^
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 01, 2021
(May. 01, 2021 5:36 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 34
https://www.wattpad.com/1063219231-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Ngl, as much as I love Valt and Shu and as much as the battle was frickin' hype, the selling point of this chapter for me was Athena's flashback. It's just sooooooooooooo cute and it gets even better when I can actually visualize that. Dangit Lane, what happened to that sweet cotton-candy kiddo?
In any case, my predictions for the next couple chapters are:
- Lane beats Valt, Athena beats Aiga, Lane beats Athena and breaks Adeona, which prompts Athena to evolve her Bey into Adeona Heaven/Royal and then they fight again at some point in the future chapters.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 04, 2021
quick message before i take my leave
Chapter 35: Full-Force Bonds! Semi-Finals! and Chapter 36: Lane Vs Valt!! (yes i changed it again) will be posted when i get back so stay tuned.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 8:11 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: quick message before i take my leave
Chapter 35: Full-Force Bonds! Semi-Finals! and Chapter 36: Lane Vs Valt!! (yes i changed it again) will be posted when i get back so stay tuned.
Can't Wait! Seriously!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Dragon Blader Z - May. 04, 2021
(May. 04, 2021 8:29 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 04, 2021 8:11 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: quick message before i take my leave
Chapter 35: Full-Force Bonds! Semi-Finals! and Chapter 36: Lane Vs Valt!! (yes i changed it again) will be posted when i get back so stay tuned.
Can't Wait! Seriously!
I agree with @Ryuga’s Son
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 12, 2021
New Chapter half-way done.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 15, 2021
Chapter 35
https://www.wattpad.com/1064616054-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
@tenma PinkRose
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 15, 2021
(May. 15, 2021 2:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 35
https://www.wattpad.com/1064616054-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Idk if this is the result of trying to read a fic at 5 AM, but I feel like the first match was...kinda rushed, for lack of a better word. Might be able to explain that a bit more down below, so here goes.
Plot: 4.5/5. Athena advances to the finals (which is coolio) and one of the most intense battles in the whole tournament starts. Hyyyyype.
Dialogue: 5/5. Short as it may feel, the chapter had pretty decent dialogue. Nothing else I have to say.
Characterization: 5/5. Nothing on this one either, all characters are portrayed pretty well.
Grammar: 4.5/5. Nothing much, just the usual minor errors here and there.
Battles: 3.5/5. Okay, this is probably the chapter's only weak point. Athena VS Aiga seemed like they were just calling out attacks then responding with other attacks and BANG!, someone bursts.
Final Rating: 22.5/25. Cool af chapter, but the first battle kinda hurts it. Still hype for the next one tho.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 16, 2021
(May. 15, 2021 2:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 35
https://www.wattpad.com/1064616054-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
@tenma PinkRose
Ah. The long-awaited chapter.
I'm busy and I want to write my fan fic, I'll just say this chapter is decent and I'll give it a 8.2/10
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 16, 2021
Chapter 36 (actually went and proofread it this time-)
https://www.wattpad.com/1070563276-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
@Tenma PinkRose
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 16, 2021
(May. 16, 2021 8:35 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 36 (actually went and proofread it this time-)
https://www.wattpad.com/1070563276-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Tenma, PinkRose
I could almost swear I reviewed this already-
Plot: 5/5. FINALS ARE COMING YAS! Looks like we'll be getting some interesting stuff with the Valhallas next time, so hyped for it!
Dialogue: 5/5. Love it, especially the part with Elaina and Athena near the end, awwww.
Characterization: 5/5. Pretty sweet (again, last part is the highlight).
Grammar: 4/5. It's good, seems better than last time at least.
Battle: 4.5/5. Just because we all saw this coming doesn't mean I don't feel bad for my boi Valt. Well, at least he got away without Valkyrie taking any damage...
Final Rating: 23.5/25. Great chapter; deffo looking forward to the next one (cuz tbh, every chapter since 34 has been pretty cool).
Pls win Athena we believe in u
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Valtryek Aoi - May. 16, 2021
Oh dang, this is getting good. Sure it may be the general tournament arc, but it definitely has more feeling behind than something like Sparking. Hyped for chapter 37.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 17, 2021
(May. 16, 2021 8:35 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 36 (actually went and proofread it this time-)
https://www.wattpad.com/1070563276-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
@Tenma PinkRose
So fast?!
Yoo.
Battle: 4.2/5- Fleshed out. Pretty good, but I don't think Valt is the type of guy who would say "Full Power". If you get what I mean. And is was kinda predictable. But it's fun, so i guess 4.2/5 suits it well.
Dialouge: 5/5- Perfect
Plot: 5/5- Progressing. I really want Athena to win. Couldn't spot any mistakes
Grammar: 4/5- Basic mistakes, but fine and fun to read
Loved this chapter, hopefully the next one comes soon.
Hope Lane's flare gets destroyed.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - InfernoShu - May. 17, 2021
Honestly this is great! I kept on reading this again and again for hours!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 19, 2021
New chapter is changed to "The Dance Of Light And Darkness! Athena VS Lane!!"
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - PinkRose - May. 19, 2021
(May. 19, 2021 11:08 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: New chapter is changed to "The Dance Of Light And Darkness! Athena VS Lane!!"
....I just imagined them dancing to a spanish song while glaring death at each other because of this title.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 19, 2021
(May. 19, 2021 11:13 PM)PinkRose Wrote:(May. 19, 2021 11:08 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: New chapter is changed to "The Dance Of Light And Darkness! Athena VS Lane!!"
....I just imagined them dancing to a spanish song while glaring at each other because of this title.
Im currently eating and I just about choked reading this lmfao!!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - BeybladeManiac0 - May. 20, 2021
(May. 19, 2021 11:13 PM)PinkRose Wrote:(May. 19, 2021 11:08 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: New chapter is changed to "The Dance Of Light And Darkness! Athena VS Lane!!"
....I just imagined them dancing to a spanish song while glaring death at each other because of this title.
Someone has GOT to draw this!
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 20, 2021
What have I done...?
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - reshiwum - May. 20, 2021
(May. 20, 2021 2:14 AM)BeybladeManiac0 Wrote:(May. 19, 2021 11:13 PM)PinkRose Wrote: ....I just imagined them dancing to a spanish song while glaring death at each other because of this title.
Someone has GOT to draw this!
your wish is my command. /hj
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - DeltaZakuro - May. 21, 2021
Woo boy... Heres Chapter 37
https://www.wattpad.com/1072915001-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 7:55 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Woo boy... Heres Chapter 37
https://www.wattpad.com/1072915001-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst
Most fun chapter in this fan fic. Although, everyone had already known Lane would body Athena and break her bey. Nevertheless, this chapter was breathtaking.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LegendJustice - May. 21, 2021
hmm I thought this was boring but I will just give you a rating
plot 4/5
grammer 5/5
characters 6/6
overall
15/15
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - Ryuga's Son - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:17 PM)JJustice Wrote: hmm I thought this was boring but I will just give you a rating
plot 4/5
grammer 5/5
characters 6/6
overall
15/15
you just wrote numbers. No info, no background.
RE: Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (SuperKing OC Story) - LegendJustice - May. 21, 2021
(May. 21, 2021 3:19 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote:(May. 21, 2021 3:17 PM)JJustice Wrote: hmm I thought this was boring but I will just give you a rating
plot 4/5
grammer 5/5
characters 6/6
overall
15/15
you just wrote numbers. No info, no background.
cause im at school