(Apr. 13, 2021  5:32 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote:

(Apr. 13, 2021  5:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 30
https://www.wattpad.com/1053695728-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

Solid (snake) chapter. Battles are well fleshed and thought out.

(Apr. 13, 2021  5:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 30
https://www.wattpad.com/1053695728-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

(Apr. 10, 2021  11:58 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 29 aka sorta filler (you do get to see Athenas mom briefly though)
https://www.wattpad.com/1053218459-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

(Apr. 13, 2021  6:28 PM)PinkRose Wrote:

(Apr. 13, 2021  5:07 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 30
https://www.wattpad.com/1053695728-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

I only have one word: Awesome!
I love the interactions here, and finally Athena beats Lui! Poor Sisco gets rekt (it's literally a curse at this point- wait I made a pun dangit) and Abyss Diabolos springs into action. This is one of your nest chapters as of yet, can't wait to see what'll happen next!

(Apr. 17, 2021  7:01 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 31
https://www.wattpad.com/1056060281-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

(Apr. 21, 2021  8:56 AM)PinkRose Wrote: It's Rainbow Turbo time, bois! Yet another thing canon should've expanded on, I'm still disappointed they treated older forms of Resonance as basically nonexistent...
Also, that moment in the end was wholesome af and I love it. And how Elaina basically did a minor plot dump with Lane at the start of the chapter.

So full rating would be:
Plot: 4.5/5. We're steadily moving forward with small bits of info sprinkled here and there and it's pretty good.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I'll admit I wanted to see that bit of dialogue between Valt and Drum, but I understand that you don't wanna write filler so it's all good. Plus Elaina's dialogue more than makes up for it and the chapter flows fairly well.
Characterization: 4.5/5. It's all good, really good (even tho I would've liked a bit of dialogue between Shu and Gwynn since they didn't really interact before, you know, just a couple lines before/after the match or something), and I adore your portrayal of Drum (seriously, this bean deserves all the love) and everyone else is good too.
Grammar: 5/5. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see any issues with this at all.
Battles: 5/5. The battles are pretty nice, not too short but not too long, and is an interesting back and forth. I like how the two battles are parallel in their result too, and definitely looking forward to the Valt VS Shu that will follow not too far from now. Also for some reason I tried picturing Utopia Cluster and it was rly pretty so bonus points for that.

Overall: 23.5/25. Pretty great job, this is one of your best chapters yet. Curious to see what will happen next (and secretly hoping Aiga doesn't get trashed lol)

(Apr. 21, 2021  8:56 AM)PinkRose Wrote: It's Rainbow Turbo time, bois! Yet another thing canon should've expanded on, I'm still disappointed they treated older forms of Resonance as basically nonexistent...
Also, that moment in the end was wholesome af and I love it. And how Elaina basically did a minor plot dump with Lane at the start of the chapter.

So full rating would be:
Plot: 4.5/5. We're steadily moving forward with small bits of info sprinkled here and there and it's pretty good.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I'll admit I wanted to see that bit of dialogue between Valt and Drum, but I understand that you don't wanna write filler so it's all good. Plus Elaina's dialogue more than makes up for it and the chapter flows fairly well.
Characterization: 4.5/5. It's all good, really good (even tho I would've liked a bit of dialogue between Shu and Gwynn since they didn't really interact before, you know, just a couple lines before/after the match or something), and I adore your portrayal of Drum (seriously, this bean deserves all the love) and everyone else is good too.
Grammar: 5/5. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see any issues with this at all.
Battles: 5/5. The battles are pretty nice, not too short but not too long, and is an interesting back and forth. I like how the two battles are parallel in their result too, and definitely looking forward to the Valt VS Shu that will follow not too far from now. Also for some reason I tried picturing Utopia Cluster and it was rly pretty so bonus points for that.

Overall: 23.5/25. Pretty great job, this is one of your best chapters yet. Curious to see what will happen next (and secretly hoping Aiga doesn't get trashed lol)

(Apr. 22, 2021  8:56 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:

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btw PinkRose can you rate what ive currently written?

(Apr. 23, 2021  1:35 AM)PinkRose Wrote:

(Apr. 22, 2021  8:56 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:

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btw PinkRose can you rate what ive currently written?

You mean the whole story?

(Apr. 23, 2021  1:37 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:

(Apr. 23, 2021  1:35 AM)PinkRose Wrote: You mean the whole story?

yes. Prologue - C32

(Apr. 21, 2021  3:45 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 32
https://www.wattpad.com/1057650057-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

(Apr. 28, 2021  7:37 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Chapter 33
https://www.wattpad.com/1059202413-story-of-lanes-sister-athena-~beyblade-burst

(Apr. 30, 2021  3:59 PM)PinkRose Wrote: DeltaZakuro, I know this is like, a week late or something, but I finally have the time to review the fic. Like I said, I won't be too detailed but this gives a general idea of my opinion on it as a whole.

Plot: 3.5/5. The plot is fairly well-done (especially compared to other fics I've read *cringes*), and while some plot points seem slightly rushed (like the Project: Shadow one which was just a couple scenes without much detail, and Athena's corrupted Flare which we got no real explanation for yet) it's overall decent, at least decent enough to make me interested in following the story.
Dialogue: 3.5/5. It's cool for the most part, even if it sometimes feels a bit unrealistic or bland.
Characterization: 4/5. Aside from some ooc-ness here and there (most notably with Lane and Shu, or maybe it's just me) the characterization is very good. From what I can see, the more positive characters seem to be your strongest suit (Drum, Valt, etc.), and yet you still do well with other types of personalities.
Grammar: 4.5/5. There's the occasional error here and there, but it doesn't disrupt the flow of the chapters and I sometimes don't even notice that so yeah, it's fine.
Battles: 4/5. Some battles lack in description and detail, some are rather boring, some are above average, and some are pure hype. This one's a bit of a mixed bag, but it's leaning more towards the positive side and I like how you write them in general, hence the higher rating.

Final Rating: 19.5/25. Even if it has some flaws, it's definitely one of the best fics I've read during my time here and it still has potential to get better. I admire your motivation and the effort you're putting into this, so keep it up!