(May. 15, 2021  8:48 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:

(May. 15, 2021  8:21 PM)JJustice Wrote: Strikegamerv6 how do you like this chapter?

Could be better but still really good your on ur way!! (Btw you can call me Strike when your not pinging me)

(May. 16, 2021  11:09 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 5 part 3

previously in beyblade burst: Titan


Jayden: I will JUSTICE JINX SWORD
(Justice comes charging at the other bey but it send it back flying)
Brent: hahahaha did I tell you it drains power
Jayden mind: woah this dude is crazy and that bey I don’t even knows it’s name not to mention my stamina is so bad right now
Justice: are you scared Jayden
Jayden: huh is that you talking Justice
Justice: yes it is now answer me are you scared
Jayden: well YES I am scared what if you get destroyed I don’t want that to happen
Justice: then do you want to win
Jayden: YES I just don’t know how
Justice: well all you have to do is believe now let’s win this
Brent: I’m waiting
(Unknown bey attacks Justice)
Justice/Jayden: LETS WIN
Brent: YES a worthy opponent to destroy BRATER
Jayden: COUNTER THAT
(Justice doges Braters attack)
Brent: *Gasp* yes yes now WICKED TITAN BLAST
(BRATER charges at Justice)
Jayden mind: I-I don’t k-Know what t-to do
Justice: Jayden remember we have to win you can’t let fear get to you
Jayden mind: yes your right we have to win
Jayden: JUSTICE JINX WHIP
(Justice burst)
Jayden: w-what
Brent: it’s point less to stay here *leaves*

---

Strikegamerv6 is this better?

(May. 17, 2021  2:20 AM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:

(May. 16, 2021  11:09 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 5 part 3

previously in beyblade burst: Titan


Jayden: I will JUSTICE JINX SWORD
(Justice comes charging at the other bey but it send it back flying)
Brent: hahahaha did I tell you it drains power
Jayden mind: woah this dude is crazy and that bey I don’t even knows it’s name  not to mention my stamina is so bad right now
Justice: are you scared Jayden
Jayden: huh is that you talking Justice
Justice: yes it is now answer me are you scared
Jayden: well YES I am scared what if you get destroyed I don’t want that to happen
Justice: then do you want to win
Jayden: YES I just don’t know how
Justice: well all you have to do is believe now let’s win this
Brent: I’m waiting
(Unknown bey attacks Justice)
Justice/Jayden: LETS WIN
Brent: YES a worthy opponent to destroy BRATER
Jayden: COUNTER THAT
(Justice doges Braters attack)
Brent: *Gasp* yes yes now WICKED TITAN BLAST
(BRATER charges at Justice)
Jayden mind: I-I don’t k-Know what t-to do
Justice: Jayden remember we have to win you can’t  let fear get to you
Jayden mind:  yes your right we have to win
Jayden: JUSTICE JINX WHIP
(Justice burst)
Jayden: w-what
Brent: it’s point less to stay here *leaves*

---

Strikegamerv6 is this better?

Getting better try making the chapter focus on other things not just one battle, also make it so that one battle kinda has a point if you look at my chapters all the battles have a point, But other than that looks good

(May. 17, 2021  3:39 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote: There really good. Try showing more character growth

(May. 17, 2021  3:50 PM)JJustice Wrote:

(May. 17, 2021  3:39 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote: There really good. Try showing more character growth

im having a charaector contest do you wanna join?

(May. 17, 2021  4:06 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:

(May. 17, 2021  3:50 PM)JJustice Wrote: im having a charaector contest do you wanna join?

Sure, But I thought my  was already in?

(May. 17, 2021  4:13 PM)JJustice Wrote: ok i need a little more info

(May. 17, 2021  4:14 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:

(May. 17, 2021  4:13 PM)JJustice Wrote: ok i need a little more info

I will a bit later

(May. 17, 2021  5:00 PM)JJustice Wrote: ok thanks (burns with anger inside because of and idiot mistake*

(May. 18, 2021  3:50 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 6
Lost
Jayden: i-i lost.
Damian: it was only one lost calm down .
Jayden* gets up*
Damian mind: huh what is he doing.
Jayden: LET IT RIP.
Damian mind: thats Jayden hmm Drako has cracks from Brent trying to destroy him.
Damian: *heads to workshop* i need to fix this *an hour later* there no more cracks.
Damian mind: woah he is still training *smiles.
Jayden *picks up justice* i'm going inside.
Damian: Ok i'm headin home its getting dark.
(leaves and heads to his house )
Damian: hey dad
Dad: whats good bro
Damian: Ok don't ever try using bro talk got that
Dad: oh ok bro
Damian: *roles eyes*
Damian: *grabs Ipad*
Damian: * face times Jayden* come on pick up
(Jayden accepts the face time)
Jayden: hey
Damian: hey man your pretty chill i mean after loosing to brent
Jayden: yeah...
Damian mind: I SHOUD NOT HAVE SAID THAT
Jayden: well did you check the bey news
Damian: no what about it
Jayden: is shows the peaple going to the tournament we have some kid named shun kazami and runo Kazama and someone name bob manual and penoki Anderson and a-a Legend
Damian: REALY WELL READ
Jayden: we have uh Xander Shakedera Wakiya Murasaki Lui Shirosagi Drum Koryu Delta Zakuro Sisco Karlisle and Rantaro kiyama
Damian: wow im so pumbed

To be Continued

(May. 18, 2021  4:47 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:

(May. 18, 2021  3:50 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 6
Lost
Jayden: i-i lost.
Damian: it was only one lost calm down .
Jayden* gets up*
Damian mind: huh what is he doing.
Jayden: LET IT RIP.
Damian mind: thats Jayden hmm Drako has cracks from Brent trying to destroy him.
Damian: *heads to workshop* i need to fix this *an hour later* there no more cracks.
Damian mind: woah he is still training *smiles.
Jayden *picks up justice* i'm going inside.
Damian: Ok i'm headin home its getting dark.
(leaves and heads to his house )
Damian: hey dad
Dad: whats good bro
Damian: Ok don't ever try using bro talk got that
Dad: oh ok bro
Damian: *roles eyes*
Damian: *grabs Ipad*
Damian: * face times Jayden*  come on pick up
(Jayden accepts the face time)
Jayden: hey
Damian: hey man your pretty chill i mean after loosing to brent
Jayden: yeah...
Damian mind: I SHOUD NOT HAVE SAID THAT
Jayden: well did you check the bey news
Damian: no what about it
Jayden: is shows the peaple going to the tournament we have some kid named shun kazami and runo Kazama and someone name bob manual and penoki Anderson and a-a Legend
Damian: REALY WELL READ
Jayden: we have uh Xander Shakedera Wakiya Murasaki  Lui Shirosagi  Drum Koryu Delta Zakuro Sisco Karlisle and Rantaro kiyama
Damian: wow im so pumbed

To be Continued

Ok your getting way better just grammar mistakes and try making everything a bit slower take your time don't rush