RE: The World Fooled Around - Giraton - Apr. 16, 2012
nice chapter, though that narator was hurting my head with all his explaining. other than that i enjoyed that chapter, i do wonder why Promovere is killing the dragons, is there some sort of resorce or something in them?
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 16, 2012
In the 3rd chapter, the newspaper said that whoever killed one of the escaped dragons gets a hundred Valnes. (Their currency.) And he needs it since he's old AND poor.
RE: The World Fooled Around - Giraton - Apr. 17, 2012
ah so if he killed 2 he would be even more rich. by the way, if Valnes are their currency, aproximately how much would it be compared to the American currency?
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 17, 2012
Hm..I compared Valnes to Philippine Currency since I live there and a Valne is 150 PHP so that would be..4 USD.
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 21, 2012
Alright. I haven't updated in 4 days. I know. But I'll get the next chapter up once I get back from my vacation. I have info for the currency though.
Valne/s - a gold coin without ridges. A straw-woven hat is marked on the middle of the coin. It weighs 3 grams and is equivalent to 4 USD.
Hoxe/s - a pale green coin without ridges. The Arcis sword is placed on the middle. It weighs the same as a Valne and is equivalent to 2 USD.
Rirse/s - a silver coin without ridges. A temple is marked on the middle. It weighs the same as all and is equivalent to 75 cents.
I have to say this but I won't be spoiling much I hope. THERE IS SOMETHING MUCH SPECIAL WITH THESE COINS AND YOU SHALL FIND THAT OUT TOWARDS THE VERY END OF THE STORY!
AND AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
FROM NOW ON, I WILL BE POSTING A CHAPTER OF TWFA ON PENPAD TWO DAYS EARLIER THAN I WILL POST IT HERE. SO, IF YOU WANT TO GET EARLIER UPDATES, JOIN AND READ IT THERE! POST YOUR OWN STORIES TOO! I ANNOUNCE THIS TO ALL WRITERS ON THIS FORUM.
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 25, 2012
EVERYONE. Chapter 5 is up on PenPad. Read it there! I'll post after 2 days. http://w11.zetaboards.com/PenPad_forums/index/ That's the link for PenPad btw.
RE: The World Fooled Around - Sparta - Apr. 26, 2012
How have I not seen this before? Anyways, looks very good. The humor from there Narrator is amusing, and adds a ton of depth to the story. He's sarcastic, witty, and very matter-of-fact about everything...in a way, he reminds me of Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory 
In any case, one suggestion I'd make would be to re-word this sentence (And a few others like it): The dragon growled in frustration and tried to bite the ropes but its sharp teeth just passed through it and dropped saliva on Promovere’s shoes.
^I think there should be a comma after 'ropes,' but even with said comma it still looks a bit weird...try changing it up, and I saw a few others in there but I can't seem to find them now. If I do I'll PM you and let you know.
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 26, 2012
Alright. Thanks for the heads-up. I'll remember to edit in the .PDF.
Thanks again Sparta.
RE: The World Fooled Around - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 28, 2012
Chapter 5 Release!
Vance opened his eyes and felt something amazingly soft and fluffy on his back. “Is this heaven? Am I just lying on a cloud, wondering if I am lying on a cloud? “ he thought. White blurry spots still blocked his vision but he can make out copious trees and a long strip of…silver rabbit fur? It seems like a hide of fur in the distance.
“I must still be in the forest…Yeah. I was rashly battling a troll.â€
Well. At least he admitted it. He sat up and found a simmering fire near him. Someone has kept him warm while he was out cold. See what I did there? Sure you do. He turned around and saw that the cozy thing he was lying on was really rabbit fur. That’s new. He finally guessed something right for once. As he twisted back around, his shoulder trembled of unbearable pain and he ponders on why.
“Hm. It hurts like carp. I just don’t know why. I don’t remember the troll hitting me there. He just damaged my head…â€
Upon realizing that the troll did do some injuries, he immediately groped the sides of his brainless head. The sides of his head felt clean like the blood has been cleared off. He looked at his hand for confirmation and like the feeling, there was no blood. He got up and walked towards the stick where the rabbit fur was hung. He grabbed it and sniffed it. Still smells fresh. He examined the inside and almost tossed the fur into the fire in shock. There…was no blood. Like the sides of his head.
I guess they’re on the same boat. Just that Vance is not so hairy compared to the fur. Not saying he isn’t though. Vance takes a closer look at the insides and noticed that it’s barely tinted red. But that’s impossible. Even the greatest hunter can’t just take out the fur without hurting the flesh. It’s just a far-fetched dream. Unless…
“Unless they used magic.â€
Vance swiftly glanced at his back for the initiator of the voice. He now gazed upon a slightly broad man with a shaved black mustache. The grizzled man glares back with his yellow eyes, his blue and purple hair swishing as the wind blew out the fire. He wore a long brown coat paired with a battered white shirt. He also sported loose blue jeans with hazel slip-ons that seemed to blend with the mud. Compared to Vance’s clothing, the man’s was regarded as high clothes. He just wore a thin blue shirt, a rag for a cloak and rolled-up pants that resemble farmer pants. Vance raised his eyebrows, implementing that he was suspicious.
“Who are you?! What do you want?!â€
Well. That came out too harsh. Pictures show millions of saliva droplets zooming through the air.
“You can’t say that without saying your own, kid.â€
“…â€
He remained silent, contemplating whether or not he should reply or just institute a swift escape. This ol’ man knew that someone would have to use magic to be able to get a hide of fur without blood bursting out. He is most likely the one who did it anyway. If he can use magic, then a breakout run would be pointless. He’ll be able to catch him for he presents a strong and fit image. In my point of view, Vance wouldn’t even reach 500 meters…maximum; he’s too weak and slow to even move his shoulders anyway. Giving up, he sighed.
“I’m Vance, Vance Rod Maximillian. fifteen years of age.â€
“Maximillian you say? You a relative of Taren Maximillain?â€
Ouch. Bet that hurt for Vance. To hear someone say his father’s name so freely like that…Doesn’t this geezer know that he died?! Well. Unbeknown to Vance, he does. But he masked his grief over his best friend remarkably well. And so he replied quietly but with the obvious hint that he was offended.
“Yes……â€
“Thought so. You look just like him you know? Gerry boy. I’m Promovere Krince Torge, world’s greatest psychic user…well. When I become famous and rich enough that is. I’m-er..48 years old…â€
Haha. Told you he’s senile and useless. Only three parts stuck to Vance’s mind. One: He knows his dad. Two: He’s an arrogant poor dude. Three: He’s aged like hell. Important parts? Part one and three. A frail man won’t be able to survive in the woods. Let able to travel this far. But if Vance’s brain finally (After 15 years of age I might add) started to work properly, his assumption that he was the one who handled the magic is the only logical reason he could be still alive. He did claim he was the world’s greatest psychic user. Psychic doesn’t hurt the organs of the prey. At least, Vance has the mercy to stop thinking and realize that there’s only one way to find out.
“You know my father? And..â€
Vance pointed to the jacket that still was hanging over the sturdy brown stick. Not that rabbits can wear jackets but I think you get my word usage.
“You did that too did you?â€
“Didn’t you listen, kid? I’m a psychic user. Psychic doesn’t hurt the parts that contain blood. It just hurts the spirit and soul. But it can cut. That’s common sense, er, what do young people call each other these days? …..Oh yeah, dude! Yeah, that’s common sense dude. Unless your brain’s switch was put on “shut down†your whole life that is.â€
Promovere sneered at Vance’s lame excuse for a shocked and hurt look. Well. If he didn’t acknowledge that he was brainless 15 years ago, it proves how much what Promovere (And I of course. I’ve been trying to tell you how lazy this protagonist is for ages!) said was true. For a senior to tell him he was witless, how dare he! If he could just take a look in the mirror and mind himself, maybe he wouldn’t do so. But he still hadn’t answered my other question.
“It was turned on oldie. Just that it was put on “careful and sure†mode. And for a super “intelligent†person like you, why didn’t you answer my first question then?â€
Careful and sure? Pffft. Yeah right.
“……I knew your father, Vance. He was my best friend. And I know he died. I know how much it stung when I said that. It hit me too.â€
“Best friend? Then how come I don’t know you?â€
“……..Because I betrayed him by marrying an Earthling when we both went to Earth……â€
In other words...BUMP BUMP BUMP!
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - *Converse* - Apr. 28, 2012
Sick one BeybladePotter
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 29, 2012
Uh...Thanks. Anyone else? Comments anyone?
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - Giraton - Apr. 29, 2012
ok now the 2 characters meet an some explaining gets done, with just enough information to make the person read the next chapter. ive been waiting for this chapter scince i read chapter 1, great work doing it just right.
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - sarabscientist - Apr. 30, 2012
Wonderfull story!
Hard to believe you're only 11!
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - BeybladerPotter - Apr. 30, 2012
I'm a honor student so it isn't hard to believe.  Thanks. And yeah, I read the second part.
RE: The World Fooled Around (CHAPTER 5 IS UP!) - TakasuMouce - Apr. 30, 2012
Great story! I love the use of descriptive words! Definitely my style of writing. Nice job!
PS It would be nice if you could review my story, which is found in my sig. Thanks!
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