World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Blader's spirit - Printable Version

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RE: The Blader's spirit - JayRoss899 - Feb. 22, 2012

(Feb. 22, 2012  6:21 PM)Luck Wrote: @ JayRoss899, LOL you couldnt be one of the main characters, it's too far in, and too be the things you want to, you've got to be a main character, so basicly, WRITE YOUR OWN FRICKIN' STORY
Ok never mind my request geez




RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 22, 2012

(Feb. 22, 2012  10:42 PM)JayRoss899 Wrote:
(Feb. 22, 2012  6:21 PM)Luck Wrote: @ JayRoss899, LOL you couldnt be one of the main characters, it's too far in, and too be the things you want to, you've got to be a main character, so basicly, WRITE YOUR OWN FRICKIN' STORY
Ok never mind my request geez
no i have used youre charecter

youre in the canadian team


RE: The Blader's spirit - CrownClown - Feb. 22, 2012

I think it would be fun if i was in it.
My bey would be screw fox 90MF.
I like the story by the way. Just because their are not trying to be mean, many mistakes, you can still rewrite and edit until it is the perfect story. Keep working at it !!!


RE: The Blader's spirit - XXaron - Feb. 22, 2012

I have taken it upon myself to correct the most recent chapter.
Here goes!


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 22, 2012

(Feb. 22, 2012  10:58 PM)~X~ Wrote: I have taken it upon myself to correct the most recent chapter.
Here goes!
thanks!




RE: The Blader's spirit - XXaron - Feb. 22, 2012

Here's The Darkness with grammar and some rewriting!
Chapter 10: The darkness.

The hawks and the eagles searched for Luck together (don’t ask me why they were working together) when Matthew began to complain, "Michael it’s raining cats and dogs we should go home.”
"Does anyone use that phrase anymore? Anyways, I’m not giving up” replied Michael.
"Just face the facts; we aren't going to find him!" Megan yelled.
"Look you guys can go back home but I’m not!" snapped Michael
"Even if we find him he's a psycho…" whispered Callum.
"Good thing you know how to handle one then." said Matthew.
"Are you looking for a fight?” said Tyron.
"So what if I am?” said Matthew pushing Tyron in the mud.
"Fighting is not going to solve anythin... you know what? Forget it, you guys just keep on fighting if you want." said Michael. Just then, out of nowhere, they heard a high-pitched hysterical laugh.
"That could be him!" said BlackStar
"How do you know it's not Ryan taking a carp?" Matthew laughed.
“Matthew, that isn't funny” Megan whispered.
"Remember the saying: ‘always look on the bright side of life’-oh wait, it’s you, never mind!" Matthew chuckled, and then Megan threw a punch at Matthew. With that, everyone decided they had enough, and a massive fight broke out, fists and feet and a tooth flying everywhere. After they ran out of energy to fight some more, and with nothing better to do, they began the search again.

After the brawl Michael and co continued their search in the forest. Of course, tension was still high, so no one talked for a while. After a tense hour of searching, they heard rustiling in a bush, and a boy came out, shaking his ginger head. Michal looked down at him, and groaned, "Oh great that's just what we need, A HOBBIT!" Michal was beginning to get annoyed, since they had been searching for luck for hours on end and have yet to find him, and of course he was now faced with some strange kid.
"Oh har-de-har! That’s such a great joke!" The boy sighed, rolling his eyes. He held up his bey, and said “The name is Jay, not Hobbit, and this is my bey Thunder Lacerta.”
Michael looked at Jay some more, and said “So what? You want to battle? Well, we’re kinda in the middle of something here…”
“Oh well. I came here for a battle, and that’s what I’m going to get!” Jay yelled. Michael shrugged, and took out his bey.
“3!”
“2!”
“1!”
“Go SHOOT!”

Just as the battle began, Jay smiled and yelled out, "Special Move! Thunder Scale Killer Shock!" Lacerta sent Perseus flying, and right before he was about to make the fatal blow, a bright glowing violet beam shattered Lacerta into many pieces.


RE: The Blader's spirit - Dashy - Feb. 23, 2012

I love your storyXD It is so exciting I can`t wait to read more chaptersStupid


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  7:30 AM)Dashy Wrote: I love your storyXD It is so exciting I can`t wait to read more chaptersStupid
thanks

(Feb. 22, 2012  11:21 PM)~X~ Wrote: Here's The Darkness with grammar and some rewriting!
Chapter 10: The darkness.

The hawks and the eagles searched for Luck together (don’t ask me why they were working together) when Matthew began to complain, "Michael it’s raining cats and dogs we should go home.”
"Does anyone use that phrase anymore? Anyways, I’m not giving up” replied Michael.
"Just face the facts; we aren't going to find him!" Megan yelled.
"Look you guys can go back home but I’m not!" snapped Michael
"Even if we find him he's a psycho…" whispered Callum.
"Good thing you know how to handle one then." said Matthew.
"Are you looking for a fight?” said Tyron.
"So what if I am?” said Matthew pushing Tyron in the mud.
"Fighting is not going to solve anythin... you know what? Forget it, you guys just keep on fighting if you want." said Michael. Just then, out of nowhere, they heard a high-pitched hysterical laugh.
"That could be him!" said BlackStar
"How do you know it's not Ryan taking a carp?" Matthew laughed.
“Matthew, that isn't funny” Megan whispered.
"Remember the saying: ‘always look on the bright side of life’-oh wait, it’s you, never mind!" Matthew chuckled, and then Megan threw a punch at Matthew. With that, everyone decided they had enough, and a massive fight broke out, fists and feet and a tooth flying everywhere. After they ran out of energy to fight some more, and with nothing better to do, they began the search again.

After the brawl Michael and co continued their search in the forest. Of course, tension was still high, so no one talked for a while. After a tense hour of searching, they heard rustiling in a bush, and a boy came out, shaking his ginger head. Michal looked down at him, and groaned, "Oh great that's just what we need, A HOBBIT!" Michal was beginning to get annoyed, since they had been searching for luck for hours on end and have yet to find him, and of course he was now faced with some strange kid.
"Oh har-de-har! That’s such a great joke!" The boy sighed, rolling his eyes. He held up his bey, and said “The name is Jay, not Hobbit, and this is my bey Thunder Lacerta.”
Michael looked at Jay some more, and said “So what? You want to battle? Well, we’re kinda in the middle of something here…”
“Oh well. I came here for a battle, and that’s what I’m going to get!” Jay yelled. Michael shrugged, and took out his bey.
“3!”
“2!”
“1!”
“Go SHOOT!”

Just as the battle began, Jay smiled and yelled out, "Special Move! Thunder Scale Killer Shock!" Lacerta sent Perseus flying, and right before he was about to make the fatal blow, a bright glowing violet beam shattered Lacerta into many pieces.

thanks i have corrected my mistakes =D




RE: The Blader's spirit - bubble - Feb. 23, 2012

The story was okay. I was reading it while I was tired though.


RE: The Blader's spirit - PhantomPaladin - Feb. 23, 2012

I'm not from the USA sorry


RE: The Blader's spirit - Luck - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 22, 2012  10:42 PM)JayRoss899 Wrote:
(Feb. 22, 2012  6:21 PM)Luck Wrote: @ JayRoss899, LOL you couldnt be one of the main characters, it's too far in, and too be the things you want to, you've got to be a main character, so basicly, WRITE YOUR OWN FRICKIN' STORY
Ok never mind my request geez

no i wasn't saying you can't request it, i just ment that you should probly consider the fact that you can't be perfect or the main character


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  2:26 PM)Blader-S Wrote: I'm not from the USA sorry

where abouts are you from
BUMP!


RE: The Blader's spirit - Luck - Feb. 23, 2012

keep going XD


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

i will


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

BUMP!
bump



RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

could anyone give me ideas for this?


RE: The Blader's spirit - Airus - Feb. 23, 2012

Can I be in.I want to have Cyber Leone D125HF.Sp. move will be Cyber Fang.It will throw fangs at the foe,making the foe almost stop spinning


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  10:26 PM)crax686 Wrote: Can I be in.I want to have Cyber Leone D125HF.Sp. move will be Cyber Fang.It will throw fangs at the foe,making the foe almost stop spinning
yes you can be in it question are you brittish?




RE: The Blader's spirit - XXaron - Feb. 23, 2012

Oh, quick piece of advice: Either type in MS word, or get an editor to fix your mistakes before you publish it (I could do that for you...)


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  10:33 PM)~X~ Wrote: Oh, quick piece of advice: Either type in MS word, or get an editor to fix your mistakes before you publish it (I could do that for you...)
ok

plz could you do it for me
=3


RE: The Blader's spirit - Airus - Feb. 23, 2012

No I'm not british I'm American from the U.S.A



RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  10:36 PM)crax686 Wrote: No I'm not british I'm American from the U.S.A
ok you can be in the us team




RE: The Blader's spirit - XXaron - Feb. 23, 2012

Sure, just PM me chapters before you post them, I'll edit them, and then just C&P them into your first post.


RE: The Blader's spirit - nationsbeyblade - Feb. 23, 2012

(Feb. 23, 2012  10:38 PM)~X~ Wrote: Sure, just PM me chapters before you post them, I'll edit them, and then just C&P them into your first post.
ok




RE: The Blader's spirit - Airus - Feb. 23, 2012

Thanx NationsBeyblade.PM me for the next chapter so I can read it.