Twin Bladers(story) - Printable Version

Twin Bladers(story) - Printable Version

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RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 02, 2011

well ase remember guys if you only tell him a thousand time before he even coperated it into his stroy he has only writtern 2 parts but you are trying to stress it he just hasn't written the corret ments yuet for the next part like if you make a tv show bad graphics at first then improves they won't go back take the episode back to put better graphics in it so think of that instead of asking him to re write his story he will put that in the next part JUST WAIT EDIT : 2nd word supose to be please but i have to rewrite whole thing to fix it and his post should be quoted FYI

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Sparta - Jun. 02, 2011

(Jun. 02, 2011 7:14 PM)BillyBlast Wrote: well ase remember guys if you only tell him a thousand time before he even coperated it into his stroy he has only writtern 2 parts but you are trying to stress it he just hasn't written the corret ments yuet for the next part like if you make a tv show bad graphics at first then improves they won't go back take the episode back to put better graphics in it so think of that instead of asking him to re write his story he will put that in the next part JUST WAIT EDIT : 2nd word supose to be please but i have to rewrite whole thing to fix it and his post should be quoted FYI

Actually, I slightly disagree. While your point about T.V shows is a valid one (we all learned that from Bakuten Shoot), I disagree that you shouldn't go back and edit. Why do you think writers and poets hire editors? To look pretty? There's often a lot of mistakes writers can make, so editors are there to correct it and spice up the story. Once, I wrote a 25 chapter story, finished it, and got one of my friends to be my editor. He went back and spruced things up that I completely missed. The finished product was fantastic, and there wasn't a single error. Just think of us as your editors.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 02, 2011

ok but REMEMBER stories are supose to be fun i dont't think Breaker actually plans on Working to the upmost level to make this be the best story in the history of stories there fun he will inocrporate it later all advice i just feel everyone is yelling at him stories are for enjoyment shouldn't they write critism is wanted if they really want it this isn't a rough draft to bey wiki this is a fun original story by breaker so lets stop this and if you want to continue PM sorry all Mods and breaker for spaming this thread

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 03, 2011

(Jun. 02, 2011 9:45 PM)Sparta Wrote:
(Jun. 02, 2011 7:14 PM)BillyBlast Wrote: well ase remember guys if you only tell him a thousand time before he even coperated it into his stroy he has only writtern 2 parts but you are trying to stress it he just hasn't written the corret ments yuet for the next part like if you make a tv show bad graphics at first then improves they won't go back take the episode back to put better graphics in it so think of that instead of asking him to re write his story he will put that in the next part JUST WAIT EDIT : 2nd word supose to be please but i have to rewrite whole thing to fix it and his post should be quoted FYI

Actually, I slightly disagree. While your point about T.V shows is a valid one (we all learned that from Bakuten Shoot), I disagree that you shouldn't go back and edit. Why do you think writers and poets hire editors? To look pretty? There's often a lot of mistakes writers can make, so editors are there to correct it and spice up the story. Once, I wrote a 25 chapter story, finished it, and got one of my friends to be my editor. He went back and spruced things up that I completely missed. The finished product was fantastic, and there wasn't a single error. Just think of us as your editors.

Yah Family Guy did the same thing. Also I want to keep the first and original copy to compare for when I am in many chapters I will use it to see how well my writing is improving. So in a nutshell I will not make chapter 1 again for comparison reasons. Thanks Breaker

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - TwiztidBlader - Jun. 03, 2011

Can you add my character

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 03, 2011

(Jun. 03, 2011 1:45 AM)M.Cancer90R2F Wrote: Can you add my character

Maybe , but your charter probably wont be good.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 09, 2011

next chapter going to be done anytime soon

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 09, 2011

haha sound weird he name is Aku because im from Indonesia
Aku Means Me in Indonesia hahaha
hmm can i request
Name:Ryan Andrian (Sound Weird haha)
Blade: Earth Burung AD145WD (Burung means bird haha the part of this blade is simple haha)
Attitude:Kind Hearted
that all haha

it's up to you to add my char or not

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 09, 2011

(Jun. 09, 2011 10:02 AM)zode76 Wrote: haha sound weird he name is Aku because im from Indonesia
Aku Means Me in Indonesia hahaha
hmm can i request
Name:Ryan Andrian (Sound Weird haha)
Blade: Earth Burung AD145WD (Burung means bird haha the part of this blade is simple haha)
Attitude:Kind Hearted
that all haha

it's up to you to add my char or not

I think I will add him and aku isnt his full first name i just shortened it to that because Akumamaramarah ( Akuma-mara-mare-ah)is to annoying to type every paragraph

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 11, 2011

(Jun. 09, 2011 6:52 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 09, 2011 10:02 AM)zode76 Wrote: haha sound weird he name is Aku because im from Indonesia
Aku Means Me in Indonesia hahaha
hmm can i request
Name:Ryan Andrian (Sound Weird haha)
Blade: Earth Burung AD145WD (Burung means bird haha the part of this blade is simple haha)
Attitude:Kind Hearted
that all haha

it's up to you to add my char or not

I think I will add him and aku isnt his full first name i just shortened it to that because Akumamaramarah ( Akuma-mara-mare-ah)is to annoying to type every paragraph

waw thanks!
aku marah marah?
Marah means= angry ahhahaha anyway thanks!! you can change tha blade name if its sound weird haha

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kujikato - Jun. 11, 2011

ere are my characters

Name: Izuma Inzori

Spoiler (Click to View)

BeyBlade: Silent Samurai MKCH85 WRHF

BeyBlade description:
Face: A shuriken in the middle, between two kantanas and the writing SAMURAI for Silent Samurai and NINJA for Silent Ninja (color: all decals black on silver background)
Silent: think of Lightning with the multi hit mode (renamed Rapid Strike mode) as thick shurikens, and upper mode (renamed Slice mode) as a kantana (color: un-painted)
Samurai: think of Kerbecs + L-Drago I with the 'rings' as shurikens and the dragon heads as kantanas (color; silver)
MKCH85: Metal Kantana Change Height 8.5mm â€“ 11.0mm, 4 metal kantanas surrounding a CH85 (color: translucent silver for the plastic, un-painted metal for the â€œbladesâ€)
WRHF/RWD: Wide Rubber Hole Flat
Super Attacks:
Level 1: â€œSilent death,â€ Silent Samurai disappears and hits opponent with a million kunai and shuriken and kantanas
Level 2: â€œ100 Slices of The Samuraisâ€™â€™,â€ the Metal Shuriken shell on MSBSCH85 swells and smashes the opponentâ€™s bey 100 times, on the 99th time, Silent Ninja halts and circles the stadium 10 times, cheating a black hurricane that flips the opposing bey out of the stadium with a insanely powerful smash from Silent Samurai.
Level 3: N/A
Level X: â€œInfinite Bladeâ€ Samurai appears and slices at the opponentâ€™s bey with such speed and power that the opposing bey instantly stops and flies out of the stadium 10 meters away, breaking it in half. (Last resort, can only be used three times in a year!)
BeyBlade Type: Legendary
Spin Direction: Left
Character bio:
Gender: Male
Clothes: Black Kevlar T-shirt and jeans and silver Kevlar cloak with black flames. (cloak is based on Minato from NARUTO)
Black hair, Chinese origin, oldest of 4 children
Caries twin Kantanas everywhere.
Team rank: Leader
Attitude: helpful and cool, he has to keep a critical eye on his twin sister, Sonai so that she doesnâ€™t go out of control with her short temper, his classmates (except for Sonai) are jealous of him. When he promises something, you can guarantee that he will keep his promise unless it has anything to do with murder or theft. Keeps his younger brothers in line every day so that they donâ€™t drive Sonai crazy.
Age: 17 years as of February 27, 2011

Name: Sonai Inzori

Spoiler (Click to View)

BeyBlade: Hydro Narwhale XDFCH110 PD
Type: Stamina
BeyBlade description:
Face: For both Narwhales, two narwhales next to each other with a wave and the writing Narwhale on the bottom. (Color: the narwhales: sliver, the wave: light blue, the writing: silver, the background: medium dark blue)
Hydro: imagine the Pre-HWS Virgo except the lobes are wave like. (Un-colored)
(Clear wheel) Narwhale: two Narwhales in a circle. (Translucent blue)
XDFCH110: eXtreme Down Force Change Height 11.0mm- 13.5mm, basically a CH110 with the external shell as a super wide DF that works in both spin directions. (Translucent blue)
Super Attacks:
Level 1: â€œ Hydro Turbo Boostâ€: Narwhale creates a water typhoon complimenting its team members spin or itself spin, thus increasing the bey affected by the water typhoon spin velocity.
Level 2: â€œHydro Cannonâ€: Narwhale creates a huge water typhoon in the playing area and sends it at the opponentâ€™s bey, sending it flying repeatedly so that Narwhaleâ€™s extreme stamina can be used to outlast the opponentâ€™s bey.
Level 3: â€œFlying Hydro Narwhale Cannonâ€: Hydro Narwhale hovers in the air because on XDFCH110 and creates a water Narwhale to ram the opponentâ€™s bey.
Level X: â€œHydro Hornâ€: Narwhale appears and creates a high pressure water jet in the shape of a Narwhaleâ€™s horn and Stabs the opponentâ€™s bey breaking it in half, or KOing it instantly.
Spin Direction: L/R
Character bio:
Gender: Female
Clothes: wears basically the same as all the Inzori except that her cloak is blue with silver flames.
Caries a special Touch Screen Repair Computer, TSRC, and tools for bey repairs
Rank in Team: repairer. (Technician)
Black hair, Chinese origin, and 2nd oldest of 4 children
Attitude: very reckless, and has a short temper, her twin brother, Izuma, does all that he can do to make sure she doesnâ€™t go out of control with her rage and short temper doesnâ€™t get the worst of her, her classmates (except for Izuma) are jealous of her. When she promises something, you can guarantee that she will keep her promise unless it has anything to do with murder or theft. She can get very angry with her 2 younger brothers, she respects Inzori as the greatest beyblader of all time
She is Izumaâ€™s twin sister
Age: 17 as of February 27, 2011

Name: Hatachi Inzori

Spoiler (Click to View)

Name: Rez Inzori

Spoiler (Click to View)

Beyblade: Magma Saurian XGBCH160 RDS
BeyBlade Description:
Face: T-Rex head with Magma trickling down the side and the writing SAURIAN on the bottom for Magma Saurian. (Color: Brown T-Rex head, red magma, & gold SAURIAN)
Magma: Metal version of Heat with rubber in the gaps. (Rubber: red, metal: un-colored)
Saurian: ripples of lava in a circle. (Color: translucent red)
XGBCH160: eXtreme Gravity Bowl Change Height 16.0mm â€“ 18.5mm, cross of CH___ and GB145, 4 metal balls on the shell of CH___, the plastic is arranged in a 4 pronged star.
RDS: Rubber Defense Sharp, a DS made of rubber (Color: red rubber and translucent red for the plastic parts)
Super attacks:
Level 1: â€œLava Shieldâ€: Saurian creates a wall of Lava around it to protect it from attacks.
Level 2: â€œLava Wipeoutâ€: Saurian creates a wave of lava to cover its opponents.
Level X: â€œVolcano Graveâ€: Saurian suddenly starts circling the stadium and creates a miniature un-erupted volcano in the middle of the stadium, then when the opponentâ€™s bey is in the volcanoâ€™s crater, the volcano explodes, sending the opponentâ€™s bey flying.
Character bio:
Gender: male
Clothes: wears basically the same as all the Inzori except that his cloak is silver with red flames.
Black hair, Chinese origin, and the youngest of 4 children
Team rank: Attack absorber (the shield)
Attitude: very humorous, liked by everyone.
List of team attacks:
â€œLava/Lightning Trap Grindâ€: Electric Berserker & Magma Saurian: (possibly the silliest tag-team attack ever) Saurian makes a wall of lava in the shape of [and Berserker creates a wall that looks like], then they trap the opposing beys in between the two walls like this[], then make the wall look like ll, thus creating friction to halt the trapped beys to a complete stop
â€œHydro Shockâ€: Hydro Narwhale & Electric Berserker: Team attack with Hydro Narwhale: First, Narwhale soaks the opposing beys with water, then Berserker zaps them, after that, Narwhale creates a water typhoon that Berserker charges with electricity.
â€œRock Strikeâ€: Hydro Narwhale & Magma Saurian: Narwhale fills the stadium with at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opposing beys in rock, defenseless against a water/magma spear strike.
â€œHydro Kantana Blitzâ€: Silent Samurai & Hydro Narwhale: Narwhale lifts Samurai, Samurai creates a kantana and Narwhale adds high pressure water jets to it, they attack together, while Samurai slices with the kantana, narwhale flips and uses water jets to grind the opponentâ€™s clear wheel, and increase its spin velocity, causing the opponentâ€™s bey to completely stop by Narwhaleâ€™s grind or get KOed by Samuraiâ€™s attack
Team attack 2: â€œElectric Kantana Diveâ€: Silent Samurai & Electric Berserker: Berserker goes around Samurai as a shield while circling the stadium (like the moon is Berserker, earth is Samurai and the centre of the stadium id the sun) and then Samurai shoots up in the sky, descending with Samurai spinning a kantana charged with lightning and Berserker keeping the opponent bey in one spot by surrounding it with a electric fence
Team attack 3: â€œMagma Kantana Diveâ€: Silent Samurai & Magma Saurian: Refer to â€œElectric Kantana Diveâ€ team attack with Berserkerâ€™s parts replaced by Saurian
Team attack X: â€œInzori Finaleâ€: Team attack involving all the Team members: first, Narwhale soaks all the opponent beys, next Berserker zaps all of them, while the opponents are distracted by Narwhale and Berserkers team attack, then Narwhale fills the stadium with water at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opponent beys in Rock, allowing the entire team the time to do â€œInfinite Magma Hydro Electric Kantana Attackâ€ without any opposition.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 15, 2011

well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 15, 2011

(Jun. 15, 2011 3:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

It WILL be up today YAY!

Part 2 chapter 2

After school Billy,Aku,and their friend Ryan went to the local Beystop to test out Aku's bey.

"Ok guys I just need a launcher and I should be set." Aku cheerfully said.
" Oh no no no." Billy sarcastically moaned.
" You still need a Bey-Pointer,Launcher Grip,and....and..an....."Then everything Billy said came to a slow stop as he looked over to Aku's bey
" Dude! Your clear wheel is shot!"Billy screamed.
" Yeah,His whole bey needs repairs...Lets see what we could repair it with."said Ryan
" We could get a new basalt wheel and a Metal Face but...The clear wheel is... irreplaceable."

" Oh....how about an Aquario wheel? Oh, and MB!" Aku wonderd
" I guess." Ryan said
They boy then took hours to find the parts they needed. With extremely good luck they found all the parts in the shop ,and still had time to battle.

First up was Aku vs Ryan.

"GO AQUARIO!"Aku Yelled
The beys were moving around the dish.Waiting for each other to strike.
"Now Burung ATTACK!"
Burung sprang into action then knocking Into Aquario. Then Aquario glowed Bright blue and Aku had a similar aura too!
"Aquairo... Water Strike!"
Burst of water came from the bey blasting into Burung. In seconds the battle
was over...Aquario won.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 16, 2011

(Jun. 15, 2011 4:21 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011 3:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

It WILL be up today YAY!
Part 2 chapter 2

After school Billy,Aku,and their friend Ryan went to the local Beystop to test out Aku's bey.

"Ok guys I just need a launcher and I should be set." Aku cheerfully said.
" Oh no no no." Billy sarcastically moaned.
" You still need a Bey-Pointer,Launcher Grip,and....and..an....."Then everything Billy said came to a slow stop as he looked over to Aku's bey
" Dude! Your clear wheel is shot!"Billy screamed.
" Yeah,His whole bey needs repairs...Lets see what we could repair it with."said Ryan
" We could get a new basalt wheel and a Metal Face but...The clear wheel is... irreplaceable."

" Oh....how about an Aquario wheel? Oh, and MB!" Aku wonderd
" I guess." Ryan said
They boy then took hours to find the parts they needed. With extremely good luck they found all the parts in the shop ,and still had time to battle.

First up was Aku vs Ryan.

"GO AQUARIO!"Aku Yelled
The beys were moving around the dish.Waiting for each other to strike.
"Now Burung ATTACK!"
Burung sprang into action then knocking Into Aquario. Then Aquario glowed Bright blue and Aku had a similar aura too!
"Aquairo... Water Strike!"
Burst of water came from the bey blasting into Burung. In seconds the battle
was over...Aquario won.

Wow! the story is really good!!! ahha i lose thats what i expect the main character always won! but sometimes lose. oh and you need an repair that im bolded

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 16, 2011

(Jun. 16, 2011  5:53 AM)zode76 Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  4:21 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  3:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

It WILL be up today YAY!
Part 2 chapter 2

After school Billy,Aku,and their friend Ryan went to the local Beystop to test out Aku's bey.

"Ok guys I just need a launcher and I should be set." Aku cheerfully said.
" Oh no no no." Billy sarcastically moaned.
" You still need a Bey-Pointer,Launcher Grip,and....and..an....."Then everything Billy said came to a slow stop as he looked over to Aku's bey
" Dude! Your clear wheel is shot!"Billy screamed.
" Yeah,His whole bey needs repairs...Lets see what we could repair it with."said Ryan
" We could get a new basalt wheel and a Metal Face but...The clear wheel is... irreplaceable."

" Oh....how about an Aquario wheel? Oh, and MB!" Aku wonderd
" I guess." Ryan said
They boy then took hours to find the parts they needed. With extremely good luck they found all the parts in the shop ,and still had time to battle.

First up was Aku vs Ryan.

"GO AQUARIO!"Aku Yelled
The beys were moving around the dish.Waiting for each other to strike.
"Now Burung ATTACK!"
Burung sprang into action then knocking Into Aquario. Then Aquario glowed Bright blue and Aku had a similar aura too!
"Aquairo... Water Strike!"
Burst of water came from the bey blasting into Burung. In seconds the battle
was over...Aquario won.
Wow! the story is really good!!! ahha i lose thats what i expect the main character always won! but sometimes lose. oh and you need an repair that im bolded

AWESOME I WANNA BATTLE

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 16, 2011

(Jun. 16, 2011  12:56 PM)BillyBlast Wrote:
(Jun. 16, 2011  5:53 AM)zode76 Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  4:21 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  3:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

It WILL be up today YAY!
Part 2 chapter 2

After school Billy,Aku,and their friend Ryan went to the local Beystop to test out Aku's bey.

"Ok guys I just need a launcher and I should be set." Aku cheerfully said.
" Oh no no no." Billy sarcastically moaned.
" You still need a Bey-Pointer,Launcher Grip,and....and..an....."Then everything Billy said came to a slow stop as he looked over to Aku's bey
" Dude! Your clear wheel is shot!"Billy screamed.
" Yeah,His whole bey needs repairs...Lets see what we could repair it with."said Ryan
" We could get a new basalt wheel and a Metal Face but...The clear wheel is... irreplaceable."

" Oh....how about an Aquario wheel? Oh, and MB!" Aku wonderd
" I guess." Ryan said
They boy then took hours to find the parts they needed. With extremely good luck they found all the parts in the shop ,and still had time to battle.

First up was Aku vs Ryan.

"GO AQUARIO!"Aku Yelled
The beys were moving around the dish.Waiting for each other to strike.
"Now Burung ATTACK!"
Burung sprang into action then knocking Into Aquario. Then Aquario glowed Bright blue and Aku had a similar aura too!
"Aquairo... Water Strike!"
Burst of water came from the bey blasting into Burung. In seconds the battle
was over...Aquario won.
Wow! the story is really good!!! ahha i lose thats what i expect the main character always won! but sometimes lose. oh and you need an repair that im bolded

AWESOME I WANNA BATTLE

Next chapter You fight Leana

(Jun. 16, 2011  5:53 AM)zode76 Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  4:21 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 15, 2011  3:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: well where is chapter 2??? 2/2

It WILL be up today YAY!
Part 2 chapter 2

After school Billy,Aku,and their friend Ryan went to the local Beystop to test out Aku's bey.

"Ok guys I just need a launcher and I should be set." Aku cheerfully said.
" Oh no no no." Billy sarcastically moaned.
" You still need a Bey-Pointer,Launcher Grip,and....and..an....."Then everything Billy said came to a slow stop as he looked over to Aku's bey
" Dude! Your clear wheel is shot!"Billy screamed.
" Yeah,His whole bey needs repairs...Lets see what we could repair it with."said Ryan
" We could get a new basalt wheel and a Metal Face but...The clear wheel is... irreplaceable."

" Oh....how about an Aquario wheel? Oh, and MB!" Aku wonderd
" I guess." Ryan said
They boy then took hours to find the parts they needed. With extremely good luck they found all the parts in the shop ,and still had time to battle.

First up was Aku vs Ryan.

"GO AQUARIO!"Aku Yelled
The beys were moving around the dish.Waiting for each other to strike.
"Now Burung ATTACK!"
Burung sprang into action then knocking Into Aquario. Then Aquario glowed Bright blue and Aku had a similar aura too!
"Aquairo... Water Strike!"
Burst of water came from the bey blasting into Burung. In seconds the battle
was over...Aquario won.
Wow! the story is really good!!! ahha i lose thats what i expect the main character always won! but sometimes lose. oh and you need an repair that im bolded

You are a main character though... I just spoiled a lot. TeAm

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - TenshouTsubasa - Jun. 16, 2011

Hey wait a minute......
Is the dish you mentioned in the story was actually a stadium?
Or it is REALLY a DISH?

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 16, 2011

(Jun. 16, 2011 2:30 PM)Meteo LDrago Wrote: Hey wait a minute......
Is the dish you mentioned in the story was actually a stadium?
Or it is REALLY a DISH?

Its like a small stadium, Like the ones in the Beypark in Metal Fusion

Chapter 3
Lets Form A Team...
6-18-11

[i Aku, Leana and Ryan were walking around town looking for some of the new BeyStops that got shipments in of new parts. Aku has been hiding Aquario from Leana (so she wont ask for here own upgrade.)They were also looking for new launchers that came out.
[/i]

"Aku.....How much longer do we have to look!" Leana moned
" Just wait Leana... Their is not much more we can do. Would you rather have a bey battle with me ... We can have one strait after this... I promise" Ryan said
" No... I wanna battle Billy today..." Leana replied meanly
" Fine, Aku call Billy"
After 20 minutes of having Billy get directions to the BeyStop they were at he arrived.Then he had to go back home because he forgot his launcher... and Leana slapped him for forgetting it.

Ryan then said " bladers are you ready!"
Both said " yes"
"3....2.....1 GO SHOOT"
Leanas bey landed first then billys bey tried to hit her's while in the air and BANG...... Leana won by using the guillotine technique

" I want a rematch!" Billy demanded

" 3...2...1 GO SHOOT!"
The beys now landed at the same time Sagitario was Knocking into Fico as hard as it could Fico wouldn't budge. Taking blow after blow Fico withstood a barrage of quick attacks. Then Sagitario ran out of steam...and was barley keeping up rotation. Fico then struck an amazing blow crashing into Sagitario and sending it flying....
Billy Won.

Next thing you know they kept going at each other battle after battle.
with changing outcomes in each battle.They soon had to leave because it was getting dark. Neither Ryan or Aku bothered to keep score.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 17, 2011

LOL nice Blademore reference Awesome

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Sparta - Jun. 17, 2011

Hmm....a lot of your story is dialogue. Use more descriptions, and make sure you fall back on the tense you are writing in. You are bouncing around from 1st person past tense to 1st person present, then 3rd person omniscient, etc., etc. It tends to get a wee bit confusing so try to cut down on that as well.

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 17, 2011

Quote:You are a main character though... I just spoiled a lot. TeAm

oh thanks you very much
anyway good job the story is great!
kept going!

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - BillyBlast - Jun. 17, 2011

I hope these Chapter come quicker i want to see how this grows

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jun. 24, 2011

update?

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Breaker - Jun. 24, 2011

(Jun. 24, 2011 11:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: update?

Oh sorry I have been preoccupied with Torrny needs so... expect one on Sunday Night!

RE: Twin Bladers(story) - Kopaja - Jul. 11, 2011

(Jun. 24, 2011 2:41 PM)Breaker Wrote:
(Jun. 24, 2011 11:42 AM)zode76 Wrote: update?
Oh sorry I have been preoccupied with Torrny needs so... expect one on Sunday Night!

ok i will wait