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HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Printable Version +- World Beyblade Organization (https://worldbeyblade.org) +-- Forum: Beyblade Discussion (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Beyblade-Discussion) +--- Forum: Beyblade Wiki (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Beyblade-Wiki) +---- Forum: Approved Drafts (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Approved-Drafts) +---- Thread: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft (/Thread-HorogiumX-s-Cyber-Pegasis-100HF-Draft) Pages:
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RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 20, 2011 Any suggestions? I edited it a lot. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 20, 2011 It's good, but just mention that Cyber's original release was a red painted Metal Wheel, and try to make the last four sentences of the Cyber section more "fluid"- Try to connect them or reword them so they don't sound like a fragment. (it isn't, just couldn't think of a good word) After that, add that Cyber is outclassed and mention what outclass it. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 20, 2011 (Apr. 20, 2011 4:05 AM)KidJSoul Wrote: It's good, but just mention that Cyber's original release was a red painted Metal Wheel, and try to make the last four sentences of the Cyber section more "fluid"- Try to connect them or reword them so they don't sound like a fragment. (it isn't, just couldn't think of a good word)Done. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 20, 2011 You missed the "and" when you put Cyber is too thin and light. Make the the last sentence complete - "Lightning, Gravity, and Meteo are better choices | for attack" The stamina of Cyber should be reworded into its own sentence. Or, I'll do it for you. "Having no use in Stamina because of its recoil, Cyber is outclassed in all fields." Then add the "Lightning Gravity" thing and you're done in my opinion. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 20, 2011 (Apr. 20, 2011 10:25 PM)KidJSoul Wrote: You missed the "and" when you put Cyber is too thin and light.Done. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 21, 2011 However, you should put that Cyber lacks smash attack because it has no spikes or notches, in order to be specific enough. Other than thatyou're really done. Also, you should change your one-worded posts, since they kinda count as spam. Just tellin' you. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 21, 2011 (Apr. 21, 2011 2:09 AM)KidJSoul Wrote: However, you should put that Cyber lacks smash attack because it has no spikes or notches, in order to be specific enough. Other than thatyou're really done.Fixed. Now I think it's done. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 21, 2011 Yep, it is finish now. Lets wait for approval. Good Job. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Shabalabadoo - Apr. 21, 2011 (Mar. 10, 2011 2:24 AM)HorogiumX Wrote: Metal Wheel: CyberThis paragraph needs work. It's like this: It is red. It's has a shiny colour. It is round. It spins in right spin. Drop the stuff about upper attack. Upper attack has not been useable in any MFB combo so far, and is a long way from being useable. So there's no point In writing it, otherwise we would have to add it to every article where the wheel has a tiny bit of slope. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BillyBlast - Apr. 21, 2011 just to add to other versions this draft is off the tt bey but as said in your draft it was released with a game hasbro also released this bey with a game with a MF just thought you might want to add that some where RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 21, 2011 (Apr. 21, 2011 5:28 AM)SSJfisherman Wrote:Fixed.(Mar. 10, 2011 2:24 AM)HorogiumX Wrote: Metal Wheel: CyberThis paragraph needs work. (Apr. 21, 2011 5:33 AM)BillyBlast Wrote: just to add to other versions this draft is off the tt bey but as said in your draft it was released with a game hasbro also released this bey with a game with a MF just thought you might want to add that some whereAdded. Now it's ready for approval. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 21, 2011 Actually, drop the whole "However" in the Cyber secttion, since the sentence before it has no relation. Split the Cyber section in two, with the first paragraph about appearance and the second about performance. Also change the early wording of some of the sentences, as they start out with "it". Make them connect, or do something else with them. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 21, 2011 (Apr. 21, 2011 10:16 PM)KidJSoul Wrote: Actually, drop the whole "However" in the Cyber secttion, since the sentence before it has no relation. Split the Cyber section in two, with the first paragraph about appearance and the second about performance.Fixed. I also fixed 2 "its, it's" mistakes in the Cyber section. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Shabalabadoo - Apr. 22, 2011 You still didn't fix the ugly sentences like what I wrote before. It is red. It is metal. It is for attack. It sucks. Fix that. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 22, 2011 Yeah, starting off three straight sentences with "it" isn't really good. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - Apr. 22, 2011 Is that better? RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeyPhilosopher - Apr. 22, 2011 The sentence about Cyber's poor smash seems out of place. Use a "clear topic opener". RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - BeybladeStation - Apr. 23, 2011 Quote:Metal Wheel: CyberMake the "t" into "it". Also, under the 100 Section, add a Defense Combo, look in Diamond's Thread about it. I'll try to find one. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - HorogiumX - May. 13, 2011 I think it's done now. RE: Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - KiLL_SwiTcH - Oct. 18, 2011 Quote:Use in Stamina Customization I was about to write an article on this bey, but I saw this draft, and I think it is ready to be put on the Beywiki, after those combo changes are made. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Dan - Oct. 19, 2011 (Mar. 10, 2011 2:24 AM)HorogiumX Wrote:Quote:Note: Cyber Pegasis 100HF was originally released with the Nintendo DS game Metal Fight Beyblade Bakuten Cyber Pegasis. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - JCx06 - Oct. 19, 2011 "riginal Pegasis Metal Wheel and the weight is 7 grams lighter which is the real problem with this Wheel, making it essentially useless for attack." added comma. 100 is also quite versatile due to low height and no problem with floor scrapes. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Kai-V - Mar. 11, 2012 Quote:Face: Pegasis RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Raigeko13 - Mar. 11, 2012 Fix 'Pegasus' under Face: Pegasis, it's in the first few words of the sentence. Fix the word 'Hyrbid' into Hybrid, second line, under Cyber. Otherwise, it looks fine and ready to go to me. RE: HorogiumX's Cyber Pegasis 100HF Draft - Kai-V - Mar. 11, 2012 Well, it does represent Pegasus : "Pegasis" is a voluntary mispelling by TAKARA-TOMY, but the actual winged horse is called Pegasus. |