Introduction to characters:
Trent- He is the Main Character. He is bright. cheerful, and open to everyone. However, when something gets in his way, he efficiently finds a way to make it a problem of the past. He is also very smart , and makes friends easily. His bey is Samurai Orochi TR145 TB
Xavier- Trent's best pal in almost everything. Unlike Trent, however, he is rather more serious even though he is not strict. His bey is Pirate Behemoth 160 CF.
Stephen- Trents greatest rival in almost everything. They always try to be better than each other. However, they have their rivalry peacefully, and not aggressively. His bey is Dark Knight Salamander S130 AS.
Hunter- A close friend of Xavier, he is very brave and very courageous. He is not afraid of fighting in battle, and is always ready. He is also a pro with attack types. His bey is Guardian Wyvang ED145 XF.
Akuryo- he is a mysterious figure. He never speaks, and many people don't get him. He even only uses hand signals to control his bey's movements and still does not say anything. However, Trent senses something demonic and off about him. His bey is Berserker Balro AD145 JSB.
Jay-He is also just as mysterious as Akuryo. However, he does speak but the most he speaks very limited, conversations only last a minute at most. His bey is Thief Dragoon CH120 R2F.
Drew- Unlike all the other characters, he is neutral. He has no definite side, so he can be a villain one second, and then a hero another. Trent, however, sees that something is bugging him. His bey is Gladiator Ifraid D125 EDS.
Saria- She is the main female character of the story. She is a confident blader, and she easily learns new techniques, probably to her beyblade's makeup. She is also very kind, and outgoing. However, not many know that she actually has a crush on Trent. However, Trent already knows this, and little does she know Trent likes her back. Her bey is Ninja Phoenix V145 SWD.
Please give me character suggestions!
The story:
Chapter 1, One Rival Wins, Another Rival Falls :
Trent just woke up to a nice breeze that came from his window. He woke up, holding his beyblade Samurai Orochi. He ate breakfast, and went to the bey training academy. There, he met his friend, Xavier, watching the beyblade battle that was going on.
"Hey Xavier? Watcha up to now?" Trent asked. Xavier replied "Not much, really. I am simply just watching this bey battle for new tricks and techniques.". Trent got curious, and went to see the battle. Up in the stand was Stephen, Trent's greatest rival. He just ignored it, but Very soon Stephen noticed him. Looking Trent right in the eye, he said "You are next on the list!" Trent ignored this, as he already knew all of Stephen's moves. However, even though they were rivals, they have yet to battle. Stephen then instantly finished his opponent's bey, getting himself ready for Trent.
The stadium is just what Trent expected, a zero g attack type stadium, the one both Trent and Stephen were used to. "Here is my partner, Dark Knight Salamander TR145 AS!" Stephen said in a slightly strict and aggressive manner. Trent said in a cool and calm way "You really sure? My bey has S130 FB, and has the same effect as CF!"
They then said "3! 2! 1! LET IT RIP!!!". Orochi, in a aggressive manner circled around Stephen's Salamander, attacking it here and there. Stephen then used his bey's special move, evading counter attack, to make a Distance between Orochi and Salamander. Trent, using this to his advantage went out into the outer regions of the stadium, where he made his bey's S130 to perform a zero g attack. Salamander, which was effected, hit an edge of the stadium to avoid a stadium it. Orochi, who was slightly weak, went near the center of the stadium, where the center ball of the performance tip kicked in. salamander who swayed the stadium lightly, flew Orochi back into flat mode in the middle region of the stadium. Circling around Salamander, Trent knew that the attack that made Salamander would weaken the bey. Trent then decided to use sudden stop, his special move, to defeat Salamander, and it worked, and Salamander lost to a Sleep-Out.
Chapter 2 Beginning the Journey:
Trent then retrieved his bey. Stephen, who was shocked said "Y-y-you will PAY for this!!!". Trent then said "What is so aggravating? Losing is part of beyblade, isn't it?" Stephen said "N-no! Beyblade is about being the strongest, being at the top of the mount-" Trent said "Doesn't that require losing as well?". Stephen then looked even more shocked at Trent's response "Ok? But how???" Trent said "Come on! I will teach you."
At the academy, Trent and Stephen met "Ok. where do we start?". Xavier, who also came along with his best friend Hunter, all met up. Trent said "Stephen, this is Xavier and hunter, my training partners. Hunter, Xavier, you two will both fight my and Stephen." Hunter said "Ok! Alright. Me and my Guardian Wyvang will dominate this!!!". Xavier, who was confused said "and me too with my Pirate Behemoth? We are a team..."
Everybody picked up their launchers and said "3! 2! 1!let it rip!!!!!" into the stadium. Trent said to Stephen " First lesson into becoming stronger: teamwork. this will help you with getting stronger. Now, follow me!" Trent and Stephen were both standing still. Hunter, who was too eager to fight, said "OK! WYVANG!" and Wyvang went flying towards Stephens Salamander Stephen who wanted to attack, was stopped by Trent's Orochi. "STAY! Know the parts of your bey." Stephen, who was thrown off guard, went to look back. Wyvang rolled right around Salamander without harm. Just in time, Orochi used its chromium wheel to perform a barrage attack, which instantly defeated Wyvern. However, at that very same moment, Xavier's bey Behemoth, who usually lost to Trent's bey, found an opening, and attacked Orochi, sending it out of the stadium. "Dang it! Stephen, dark knight is left spin. make your bey spin the other way! Stephen said " Hey! You guessed my special move! Salamander! Special move: ANTIDRAIN!", and all of a sudden, salamander quickly slowed down, then started to spin the other way, back into fast speeds. Stephen who knew the outer free-spin ability of AS, made Salamander more steady and still. Xavier, who thought that Salamander was vulnerable to attack, sent Behemoth straight towards Salamander. Salamander, who quickly drained all of Behemoth's spin, won the battle. Trent then said "well done. We worked as a team to defeat Wyvang and you utilized your bey's parts to defeat Behemoth. Well done." Stephen who was still Trent's rival, then became friends with him.
Chapter 3, Love and Hate:
[spoiler] Trent and his new group of friends heard about 3 new students who recently came to the acadeny: Akuryo, Jay, and Saria. Trent went over to greet them.
Make evil characters please!
THATS WHY I AM TURNING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC FOR IDEAS.
note that all bey combos must include real parts
maybe i can create Akuryo with Gladiator Balro ad145 jsb???
Jay Parker
Dragoon Dragooch120R2f
(Jun. 08, 2014 5:39 AM)King E.Emperor Wrote: [ -> ]Jay Parker
Dragoon Dragooch120R2f
ok. I will add him as Akuryo's secret partner. I also changed his bey slightly to Thief Dragoon CH120 R2F.
He will aslo just be called Jay.
How was the first chapter??? Please give me feedback!
Name:Hunter
Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF
It was great!But,there were a few spelling and grammar errors.
(Jun. 08, 2014 4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter
Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF
OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix
. Dragoon was already taken.
It's ok, but make sure to make it longer and check for grammar.
Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.
(Jun. 08, 2014 4:33 PM)Du@l Wrote: [ -> ]Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.
How do you add spoilers again? I forgot XD.
(Jun. 08, 2014 4:38 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 08, 2014 4:33 PM)Du@l Wrote: [ -> ]Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.
How do you add spoilers again? I forgot XD.
You put [spoiler] at the beginning and [spoiler] with a / in front of spoiler at the end of the sentence.
Reason I couldn't put is straight forward was because it would turn that sentence into a spoiler.
(Jun. 08, 2014 4:24 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 08, 2014 4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter
Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF
OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix . Dragoon was already taken.
Can it be Archer Wyvang ED145XF
I don't like Pheonic/Phoenix
(Jun. 08, 2014 9:03 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 08, 2014 4:24 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 08, 2014 4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter
Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF
OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix . Dragoon was already taken.
Can it be Archer Wyvang ED145XF
I don't like Pheonic/Phoenix
Sure
Thank you!
when are you planning you right the next chapter?
right now in matter of fact!
I'm looking forward to it...
Chapter two is ready everybody!!!
The spelling and grammar still need work. For example, losing is the act of taking a loss. Loosing...isn't even a word.
Besides those errors it isn't to bad, but just one thing. The length of the story is too short!
Chapter 2 is added everybody! tell me what you think.
A little info for the upcoming events and chapters, I will introduce the antagonists (Akuryo and Jay) in chapters 3 and 4. This story has no definite finale, as I will be writing this till the day that I am either banned forever, the day the website turns off forever, or till the day I loose interest in beyblade (which is probably never XD) so stay tuned!
I might also add a female character around chapter 7, and there will be a little romance with Trent in that
(nothing extreme though). So there is another reason to stay tuned!
Look forward to it!
So, any commentary???
(Jun. 09, 2014 12:10 AM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ]Chapter 2 is added everybody! tell me what you think.
A little info for the upcoming events and chapters, I will introduce the antagonists (Akuryo and Jay) in chapters 3 and 4. This story has no definite finale, as I will be writing this till the day that I am either banned forever, the day the website turns off forever, or till the day I loose interest in beyblade (which is probably never XD) so stay tuned!
I might also add a female character around chapter 7, and there will be a little romance with Trent in that (nothing extreme though). So there is another reason to stay tuned!
Look forward to it!
So, any commentary???
There's some comments about Chapter 2 above. From me and Du@l.