World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: My new beyblade story: From the Bottom (Chapter 2 complete and added!)
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Introduction to characters:

Trent- He is the Main Character. He is bright. cheerful, and open to everyone. However, when something gets in his way, he efficiently finds a way to make it a problem of the past. He is also very smart , and makes friends easily. His bey is Samurai Orochi TR145 TB

Xavier- Trent's best pal in almost everything. Unlike Trent, however, he is rather more serious even though he is not strict. His bey is Pirate Behemoth 160 CF.

Stephen- Trents greatest rival in almost everything. They always try to be better than each other. However, they have their rivalry peacefully, and not aggressively. His bey is Dark Knight Salamander S130 AS.

Hunter- A close friend of Xavier, he is very brave and very courageous. He is not afraid of fighting in battle, and is always ready. He is also a pro with attack types. His bey is Guardian Wyvang ED145 XF.

Akuryo- he is a mysterious figure. He never speaks, and many people don't get him. He even only uses hand signals to control his bey's movements and still does not say anything. However, Trent senses something demonic and off about him. His bey is Berserker Balro AD145 JSB.

Jay-He is also just as mysterious as Akuryo. However, he does speak but the most he speaks very limited, conversations only last a minute at most. His bey is Thief Dragoon CH120 R2F.

Drew- Unlike all the other characters, he is neutral. He has no definite side, so he can be a villain one second, and then a hero another. Trent, however, sees that something is bugging him. His bey is Gladiator Ifraid D125 EDS.

Saria- She is the main female character of the story. She is a confident blader, and she easily learns new techniques, probably to her beyblade's makeup. She is also very kind, and outgoing. However, not many know that she actually has a crush on Trent. However, Trent already knows this, and little does she know Trent likes her back. Her bey is Ninja Phoenix V145 SWD.


Please give me character suggestions!
The story:

Chapter 1, One Rival Wins, Another Rival Falls :


Chapter 2 Beginning the Journey:

Chapter 3, Love and Hate:

[spoiler] Trent and his new group of friends heard about 3 new students who recently came to the acadeny: Akuryo, Jay, and Saria. Trent went over to greet them.
Make evil characters please!
THATS WHY I AM TURNING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC FOR IDEAS.

note that all bey combos must include real parts

maybe i can create Akuryo with Gladiator Balro ad145 jsb???
Jay Parker
Dragoon Dragooch120R2f
(Jun. 08, 2014  5:39 AM)King E.Emperor Wrote: [ -> ]Jay Parker
Dragoon Dragooch120R2f

ok. I will add him as Akuryo's secret partner. I also changed his bey slightly to Thief Dragoon CH120 R2F.

He will aslo just be called Jay.
Ok,thanks!
How was the first chapter??? Please give me feedback!
Name:Hunter

Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF
It was great!But,there were a few spelling and grammar errors.
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter

Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF

OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix Smile. Dragoon was already taken.
It's ok, but make sure to make it longer and check for grammar.
Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:33 PM)Du@l Wrote: [ -> ]Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.

How do you add spoilers again? I forgot XD.
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:38 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ]
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:33 PM)Du@l Wrote: [ -> ]Also, adding on to what RagerBlade said, put all of your chapters in your first post, and in spoilers. You also change tense a lot.

How do you add spoilers again? I forgot XD.
You put [spoiler] at the beginning and [spoiler] with a / in front of spoiler at the end of the sentence.

Reason I couldn't put is straight forward was because it would turn that sentence into a spoiler.
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:24 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ]
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter

Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF

OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix Smile. Dragoon was already taken.
Can it be Archer Wyvang ED145XF

I don't like Pheonic/Phoenix
(Jun. 08, 2014  9:03 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:24 PM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ]
(Jun. 08, 2014  4:10 PM)FreshClassik Wrote: [ -> ]Name:Hunter

Bey:Archer Dragoon ED145XF

OK! hunter is in, just with a different chrome wheel, being phoenix Smile. Dragoon was already taken.
Can it be Archer Wyvang ED145XF

I don't like Pheonic/Phoenix

Sure Smile
Thank you!

when are you planning you right the next chapter?
right now in matter of fact!
I'm looking forward to it...
Chapter two is ready everybody!!!
The spelling and grammar still need work. For example, losing is the act of taking a loss. Loosing...isn't even a word.
Besides those errors it isn't to bad, but just one thing. The length of the story is too short!
Chapter 2 is added everybody! tell me what you think.

A little info for the upcoming events and chapters, I will introduce the antagonists (Akuryo and Jay) in chapters 3 and 4. This story has no definite finale, as I will be writing this till the day that I am either banned forever, the day the website turns off forever, or till the day I loose interest in beyblade (which is probably never XD) so stay tuned!

I might also add a female character around chapter 7, and there will be a little romance with Trent in that Tongue_out (nothing extreme though). So there is another reason to stay tuned!

Look forward to it!

So, any commentary???
(Jun. 09, 2014  12:10 AM)tac1017 Wrote: [ -> ]Chapter 2 is added everybody! tell me what you think.

A little info for the upcoming events and chapters, I will introduce the antagonists (Akuryo and Jay) in chapters 3 and 4. This story has no definite finale, as I will be writing this till the day that I am either banned forever, the day the website turns off forever, or till the day I loose interest in beyblade (which is probably never XD) so stay tuned!

I might also add a female character around chapter 7, and there will be a little romance with Trent in that Tongue_out (nothing extreme though). So there is another reason to stay tuned!

Look forward to it!

So, any commentary???
There's some comments about Chapter 2 above. From me and Du@l.
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