World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

This is a story based off of my Creation Magnetic force.[spoiler]The man was creepy.I knew I shouldn't trust him but I was only 4 years old.The strange,creepy man placed a beyblade in my hand,but ofcourse I didn't know what it was then.[\spoiler]

There's no story, when will the first chapter be up, it might need to be closed because there's no story
EDIT: Never mind the story's there, just cant tell because its too short.

[spoiler]10 years later,me and jonothan were beyblading when a tall,lean boy came up to us demanding a battle."Battle me!My name is shark boy and ive come a long way,me and my magnetic force bey,Flame Shark Pisces230RS.,"sharkboy introduced himself."Ok,i'll be your opponent,"Johnothan challenged.
"Okay then!3,2,1,LET IT RIP!"
As soon as Johnathans bey,evil strikerc145wd hit the ground,it got into its signature position.When he was like this,even I couldn't budge it.
"Shark swarm attack!"sharkboy yelled.Suddenly,Flame pisces was right beside striker!A bunch of shark beasts appeared and tossed striker right into the air!
Everything went quiet."Whoa!"Johnathan said in awe.
"Who's next?"Sharkboy asked.
"I am!"I challenged him.

---

[spoiler]
"Another goner,"somebody from the crowd that had formed murmmured.
"Ok,get your bey ready!"3,2,1LET IT..."
"Wait!Don't do it!"The voice came from a wiry young boy who had emerged from the crwd."You two,come with e quick!"The oy ran off and we trailed behind him."Where are you taking us?"I asked.The boy didn't answer."Whoa look at that house bro!"Johnathan exclaimed"Come on thats our destination",the boy yelled.
"Follow me up the stairs!"the boy yelled.Little did we know that up those stairs,our whole life would change...

still too short, and update the op when theres a new chapter.

Well, you should really work on your spacing, grammer and punctuation, it's really hard to read and the chapters are too short.

Also, what's is the tip of "evilstriker c145"?

[/spoiler]Thanks for the tips.[spoiler]Chapter 2
"Follow me."We had no choice but to follow him up the stairs to a door that read "BEYBLADE LAB"in big red letters.
"Pass me your beys,"he ordered us."Hold up!"Johnathan demanded."First of all,who are you?
""My name is TJ and my bey is Poisin Sytches85BS Magnetic force."
"Mag-what?"I asked.
"Magnetic force,"he repeated."My dad and I created it about 2 months ago.Lots of bladers around the world use it.That's why I pulled you from he battle.As soon as I saw that gus bey I just knew it was Magnetic force!And he's also has the defensive combo 230RS.With this Magnetic force,plus that combo,that was one powerful bey!Ok,enough talk.Do you two want this change on your beys?"
"Sign mee up!"Johnathan exclaimed."Hmm,me too,"I agreed reluctantly.
"Ok,but remember this,these beys are more powerful than your regular ones so it will take 10 days of training,"TJ informed us.Then,he took our beys and went into the room.5 minutes later,he came out with our new beys.
There were no drastic changes but our beys did feel heavier.After that we thanked him and me and Johnathan went our seperate ways.
10 days later,me and Johnathan met up at our usual spot in front of bey park
"Any idea where he is?I heard a rumor that he trains at the beach,"Johnathan informed me.
"Let's go there then."
The past 10 days,I'd really bonded with my Magnetic force bey Meteo-phoenixdf105sf.I really thought I could win against Sharkboy if i just kept calm and used the strategy that I made up based on my observations from his and Johnathans battle.I was so deep in thought that I didn't even notice when we got to the beach until Johnathan threw some seawater at my face.
"What was that for?"I yelled.
"Wake up!"he laughed."There he is!"
"Hey,Sharkboy!"I called."We're here to battle you!"
"Me first!"Johnathan announced.
"Huh?"Sharkboy answered."Oh!It's you two again.I'll just defeat you again,but you called the battle so come on then!"
"Let's do it!3,2,1, LET IT RIP!Go striker!"
"End this in one hit Pisces!Shark Swarm Attack!
"Not this time!"

---

Its that bad changing it now.

Chapter 3[spoiler]"Pisces!Shark swarm attack!"
"Focus,Johnathan.Do your strategy!"I advised him.
Johnathan closed his eyes as if he were medatating.Wait for it...Now!Suddenly,his eyes sho open.
"Special move,evil striker fortress attack!"
Striker's special move put him into a defence stance similar to the one he used the first time he battled Sharkboy,except it was stronger.Like before,pisces shark beasts appeared and pummled into Striker
"That attack did nothing!"Johnathan yelled."Now Striker!Second sequence!"
Striker'spin track rose,revealing the magnet underneath the fusion wheel.Like a magnet,Striker's speed increased and he delivered a direct attack to Pisces.
"That's not all!"
Striker switched back to regular mode,went the opposite way of pisces,switched modes again and flew straight towards Pisces,sending him straight into the air.
"Keep going Striker!"
Striker leaped into the air after Pisces and delivered a damaging set of mirage attacks to him.Both beys fell to the ground and Striker delivered attack after attack.
As Striker was getting ready to deliver another attack,Pisces switched modes.
"You can't defeat me with attacks like that!"Sharkboy exclaimed.
"Huh?!Why aren't you koe'd yet?!Special move,Striker magnetic lightning charge!"
Striker's magnets begin to light up with electric and striker charged recklessly into Pisces.
"Pises!Special move,shark soul destructor!"
Pisces was suddenly surrounded by a dark blue aurora.
Both beys charged into each other.They met up in the middle and as soon as they touched,a huge explosion made the ground shake;throwing Johnathan off balance.
"Johnathan!"I yelled.
When the dust cleared,I found Johnathan lying on the ground with a shark beast biting near his heart and Striker being drained of it's power.
"It's your turn!"Sharkboy said."Your friend was reckless.If you win,I'll release your friend and his beys soul from te soulworld."
"You'll pay!"I yelled.

(Jan. 23, 2014  10:27 PM)DRAGON KING Wrote: [ -> ]Well, you should really work on your spacing, grammer and punctuation, it's really hard to read and the chapters are too short.

Also, what's is the tip of "evilstriker c145"?

Better?I fixed most of the errors