World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: Hero's Blade [Beyblade Story] (accepting character requests)
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This is my third Beyblade story, so I'd want you guys to know that chapters will be slow because I'm working on another one currently. Also now MyNameIsVero is working with me, so things will get done quicker. When an X.X symbol is next to a character's name that means that they are dead. Well, here's the story:

Characters:
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Woa I luvin this! Also can you try posting a poll?
Also I hav a requestumundo:

Myrin
Beyblade: Golem Orochi AD170MWD
I'll try. What about a persona and backstory?
It's pretty good, not really any grammar or spelling mistakes. Can't wait to see the next chapter!
(Jan. 01, 2014  7:24 PM)Ultramarine Wrote: [ -> ]It's pretty good, not really any grammar or spelling mistakes. Can't wait to see the next chapter!
Thanks! The prologue actually takes place ten years before chapter one, so huge maturity changes in Jake.
I think that this story is going to come out well also, I have a character request.

Name: Onkisu Inuzuka (Onkisu Means Onyx)
Bey:Kakusareta Kumo (It Means Hidden Cloud)
Personality: An anti-social, sadistic, philosopher surprisingly he works for the good guys. He calls himself, the first king of pure value (due to his first name). Highly intelligent and extremely wise and logical
Appearance: Black emover that covers his left eye leather jacket that he wears over a purple v-neck, jeans, and dark purple converse
Backstory: I dunno you can decide
Special move: Death by aviation, Kumo sends his opponent into the air, appears behind it and shoots black lightning at the opponent sending it crashing back into the ground.
Thanks for the encouragement! But what about a spin track and performance tip for the Bey?
(Jan. 01, 2014  8:51 PM)Jake Hagane Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for the encouragement! But what about a spin track and performance tip for the Bey?
:p Sorry totally forgot the spin track and tip are c145SD oh and it's a defense type.
Ok thanks for telling me! I'll work on chapter one soon
Actually, I'll work on it now!
Oh and one more thing, he has a tattoo on his left fore arm that says "with this eye I can see darkness clearly" in Japanese characters and he is 17
Ok, well the first chapter fits him then.

Chapter 1 is up!
It's pretty good, but is "Onyx" a maniac? Haha, I dunno, he's scalding and threatening to stab his friends. Maybe work on the environment description a bit, let us know the details of where the story takes place.
OK thanks for the advice. Onyx's description of Onkisu said he was sadistic, and Jackel was never really Onkisu's friend. I'll try to work on the environment more. Thanks for letting me know
Akai Hanta

BeyGrinark Knight Gawain S130CF

Persona:Akai is a calm collected blader even if his very life could end Akai will help his friends,joker,strong silent.

Appearance:Akai wheres a red jacket with a Black t-shirt under simular to gingka in zero g,red skinny jeans,black and red combat boots

back story:Akai parents died at the start of the war now he just trains to survive

specialmove:Red Knight Hunter,gawain spins into a red tornado that pulses up and down until a spiral like shape is engraved into the staduim
Chap 2 is FRACKIN AWSOME you are spot on with my character!
Ok I'll add it to the OP when chapter 3 is done.
(Jan. 01, 2014  9:43 PM)Ultramarine Wrote: [ -> ]It's pretty good, but is "Onyx" a maniac? Haha, I dunno, he's scalding and threatening to stab his friends. Maybe work on the environment description a bit, let us know the details of where the story takes place.
I TOLD YOU ONLY GREY CALLS ME THAT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *Hair spikes up and turns gold* Tongue_out
Lol
Well Grey is dead, so nobody calls you Onyx now. Lol
*hair returns to normal* awwwww
This might not be for kids, but it's good.
OK I have no idea when chapter 3 is coming, vero is working on it rite now I believe
I love this, Jake! Can't wait to see the next chapter! Wink
Haha thanks! I believe Vero will be writing the next one but just in case I'll write a version of chap 3.

Chapter 3 is up!
Wow dude i love the story. You did a great job i have decided what bey tyoka's vulcan horuseus will evolve to " Thief Saramanda (light blue thief wheel) 160 * dark blue* GF * dark blue*
So what'll the first Bey be?
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