World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: A Legend in the Making (A beyblade story)
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Hey guys i'm going to be making a story called "A Legend in the Making." The story revolves around Ryuusei Hagane (Ginga's father) as a child and his wild journey that takes him up to the beginning of Metal Fusion. Along with his two friends Ingrid and Ace who go on the journey with him. Below I will list all characters along with their age and their beyblades.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
U already have a thread for your story, just edit your post, not make a new thread when u have a new chapter.
(Dec. 16, 2013  5:22 AM)DRAGON KING Wrote: [ -> ]U already have a thread for your story, just edit your post, not make a new thread when u have a new chapter.

Ugh I'm so stupid why didn't I think of that. I'm so sorry, I mean like I can really go back on that now but next story I won't screw up on that thank you.
Chapter 2 is done!
first thing's first, Ryuga shouldn't even exist yet, Ryuga is about the same age, maybe even a year or two older than Gingka, and Gingka wasn't even around when Ryuusei was thirteen if he is Gingka's father. Plus, even if Ryuga WAS around in Ryuusei's childhood, Ryuga didn't even get L-Drago until Gingka was around just before he had received Pegasus. Not hating on this or anything, just pointing out that the timeline for this thread is WAY too messed up.
XD Cool story! One thing that i see that could make it a whole ton better, (and i actually see this on Fanfiction.net all the time) would be double-spacing between dialogue, for example, instead of:

"Go, L-Drago!" Ryuga shouted. "Keep it up, Pegasus!" Gingka called

Try:

"Go, L-Drago!" Ryuga shouted.

"Keep it up, Pegasus!" Gingka called.

It's a simple grammar rule, really, but when it's ignored, it makes a huge difference in story quality. Can't wait to see more! XD