World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: Beyblade Rising Warriors (Chapter 2 Up!)
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Chapter 1 Basketball Replaced (Click to View)
Chapter 2 First Beyblade (Click to View)
Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...

First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.

Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.

Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.

If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here. Grin
(Aug. 31, 2013  9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: [ -> ]Alright, I like the idea of the story, but we have a few things to work on...

First off, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. You need to make sure you use the right word when you type a sentence.

Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.

Lastly, your next chapters NEED to be longer, no way around it. If there's not a lot of content, it either makes your story short, or it gets frustrating if you have like 60 chapters with like a paragraph or two in it.

If you can fix that, then you can have a pretty popular story here. Grin
hmm... maybe you could make chapter one a prelude, but yeah definitely other chapter's should be longer.
I added some to chapter 1. Working on chapter 2.
(Aug. 31, 2013  9:43 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: [ -> ]Second, you need to clarify a little bit. Why did Blade all of a sudden start bleeding from his mouth? Why does he have to stop playing physical sports? It confuses viewers if they don't know the important question; Why? They can get lost.
A story can be good and people not know what's going on, however you have to make it so it is obvious it is sapose to leave the reader wondering, or maybe even state that no one in the story knows the answer to the question why.
Eh I really didn't follow. There is something about it I just don't like
What do you not follow? It's pretty simple.
I kinda like this. If you could tell why blade was injured at some point, then this pretty good.
Chapter 2 is up. don't worry Wink
The story will start going every Saturday Starting September 14th. Stay tuned!