World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: The Age of The Vulcan (a beyblade story)
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Hey guys, this is my story about beyblade, I hope you like it.
I'm not quitting, by the way, even if the world explodes while I'm trying to write a chapter Smile
Please read the story, vote in the poll and comment.
I accept and appreciate constructive criticism but do not like scolding my story without a reason.


Prologue

Chapter 1:
its okay but i would of put a prolouge
the story of those two beys fighting would be in it

but its fine
i will keep giving feedback on your chapters and how to improve them(like an editor i guess)
youre story has good potential and you can take it towards many different paths
so far so goodWink
Thanks for the advice guys! I'll take it into account.
I've changed the title, but it would really be preferable that you learn how to do it yourself ...
(Oct. 29, 2012  4:22 PM)Insomniac. Wrote: [ -> ]I've changed the title, but it would really be preferable that you learn how to do it yourself ...
Thanks, it wasn't working when I tried to do it.

It's pretty good, but It needs more content in its chapters. That doesn't look like a chapter, but more of a prologue. Chang that, and add some chapters, and this could be a good story.
1 more thing... describe the beys. It really would help a lot to know what the beys were like. Adding the parts of them would be very helpful. Maybe that could go in the next chapter.
(Oct. 29, 2012  5:00 PM)ukdl123 Wrote: [ -> ]It's pretty good, but It needs more content in its chapters. That doesn't look like a chapter, but more of a prologue. Chang that, and add some chapters, and this could be a good story.
1 more thing... describe the beys. It really would help a lot to know what the beys were like. Adding the parts of them would be very helpful. Maybe that could go in the next chapter.
Thanks for the advice! Smile

Editing Story
Chapter one changed to prologue and I've written a new chapter one Smile
Chapters need to be WAY longer. That was a little more than a paragraph. Plus, the characters have no description. In a story, people want to know what the characters are like, what they look like, what their personality is, all the basic stuff about describing the characters. Fix the length and the character description, and you've got this story patched up into something worthy of having the first choice on the poll clicked.
And FYI, try not to copy the anime. We all know that what happened in the 1st chapter is basically the exact same thing that happened to Tsubasa.