World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: My mutant friend
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So i decided to write a story in my holidays. This story is not about beys. SO ENJOY READING!!!
Prolouge
Chapter 1:The beggining

Chapter 2:My biggest first mistake
I will update the OP with new chapters every 1 or 2 days.
From the start of my life I was interested in the different forms of life. It ran through my genes I suppose, my father was a neurogenetic (I think you need to check that again, it's misspelled or nonexistent) engineer. He was a man who worked with the behavior patterns of different living things, but time would turn him towards research on mutants. He became more attached, to the length of being obsessed with the nucleotide sequences of different living things. This act of his (What did he do?) would change the fate of the world forever. A drastic change in the evolution sequence of man, so drastic that our what we would become, had to be killed...

Edited it and gave some comments.

Seems interesting, I'd like to see more from you.
I made up neurogenetic its a branch which i want to create, i am inspired to go after the mutation of genes but im also scared that there would be divi e intervention or something like that.
Well... That seems interesting. Have fun doing it...
"Man goes too far in his experiments on himself, and 'g0d' punishes him."

To be honest, that's way too mainstream. Full Metal Alchemist is what this could potentially be.
The twists in the middle will give u goosebumps. The begging is like this, its a roller coaster ride later
I love roller coaster books. Don't disappoint me. You've already lowered my hopes though... I'd really like to see them twists. Hope they're as random as some people need them to be. Wink
Heres chap 1!!
Grammar, capitalization, and basic errors... detected.
The plot is decent, but lacks description.
Here is chap 2!!!
Chapter 2:My biggest first mistake
So as regarding the man character, he was 'perfect' all before the incident in chapter 2? Impossible.
dude this is fantasy fiction anything is possible
Note that it also has to make sense.

This story seems like it's going to end soon, by the looks of it you'll probably run out of ideas. The story seems like it is going too fast. WAY too fast, everythings here then here.

It's like How do you like that HAHAHA and then the main character faints. Come on, you need a better plot.

KIU!
As well as the main character seeming to be a Mary Sue. It's a decent idea, but you need to expand. it.