Prologue :
In a small town called River Valley, a young boy called Finn is ‘the best blader’ until Shirou comes and sets traps so that Finn is killed. But Shirou did not want to do it. His boss Mr.Hakaway forced him too. If he didn’t do it Shirou’s younger brother, Martyn would have been put to sleep. Forever.
When Fionn, Finn’s younger brother, finds out, Fionn desperately seeks revenge through a battle with Shirou.
Will Mr.Hakaway be put to justice? What will happen to Martyn? Will Fionn get revenge?
Find out soon............
Please request a charecter!
Name:
Age:
Discription:
Bey:
Will you request me please?
“Finn has won!†Announces the leader.
“I knew it!†Shouts Finn.
“So did I big brother!†Fionn shouted.
“Battle you tomorrow!†said Oliver Harris
“Sure, let’s go home Fionn.â€
“Ok.â€
At home....
“I'm going out. See you.â€
“Bye......â€
About an hour later
"A boy named Finn has stepped on a mine that killed two other people."The news reporter sadly."It is unidentified who placed the mine."
Whoa...
Whoa...
Whoa.
Complicated stuff.
Grammar stuff and name mix ups (Try to make is clearer who's who).
Other than that it seems cool.
Interesting. Sounds like the makings of a good story! I'll do a request if you want-
Name: Oliver Harris
Age: 14
Description: Keeps to himself. Doesn't talk much and isn't very social. Deep down though, he is friendly. Has many secrets...
Bey: Dark Knight Killerken SA160JSB
Special move (if you want): Tentacle Shadow Chaos. The Killerken beast comes out and creates a dark mist. It then begins flailing its tentacles, knocking around the opponents bey.
Thanks Beyniac!
Will be in chapter one!
Name:Finn
Status
ead
Other stuffs: Bey is Archer Pegasus.
Name:Fionn
Status: Alive and well
Other stuffs: Finn's younger brother.
Name: Mr. Hakaway
Status: Alive and Evil
Other stuffs
vil......
Name
hirou
Status:Alive and quite.
Other stuffs: Martyns older brother.
Name:Martyn
Status: Locked in a room.
Other stuffs: Shirous younger brother.
A tiny bit of chapter one.
“Finn has won!†Announces the leader.
“I knew it!†Shouts Finn.
“So did I big brother!†Fionn shouted.
“Battle you tomorrow!†said Oliver Harris
“Sure, let’s go home Fionn.â€
“Ok.â€
At home....
“I'm going out. See you.â€
“Bye......â€
About an hour later
"A boy named Finn has stepped on a mine that killed two other people."The news reporter sadly."It is unidentified who placed the mine."
A bit choppy. Try to describe more. All in all, a good start!
(Sep. 03, 2012 5:15 PM)TakanosukeGryph Wrote: [ -> ]*Cough*Insomniac*Cough* Will you request me please?
I feel honoured ;-; Here is my epicpeanutbutterjellytimerequest:
Neku Sakuraba
Neku's personality is generally unsociable; he claims he "doesn't get people", and because of this, he usually dislikes interacting with other people. His opinion of others is so low that he tends to see people only for their use. Neku refuses company, as he feels that friends only drag him down, cause him pain when they fail him and make him feel like "unnecessary baggage" to them. Neku sees society as simply an annoyance that forces their values on him, pester him and expect him to do things he doesn't want to do.
Age: 15
Looks: See my avatar and signature.
Bey: Uken Abarukas 90MF
y'know what? I guess I should make a request to go with Insomniac's
name: Shiki Misaki
personality:
Shiki tries to the best of her abilities to help others. She is generally positive and upbeat; however, despite her happy attitude, Shiki feels inferior and useless to others, making her jealous of her idols. Shiki attempts to turn these feelings into positive ones and not let them affect her. Shiki is shown to be a talented seamstress, making even her own clothes.
looks:
Shiki Misaki is a fifteen year old girl, tall and slender in stature. She has reddish brown hair that is concealed by her cap. Her attire consists of a red short sleeved shirt that exposes a very large portion of her midriff. Over this she wears a short yellow hoodie. She wears a necklace around her neck with a puzzle piece-shaped pendant. She is in a low-cut green colored denim skirt with a brown pouch around her waist. She also wears a yellow bracelet on her left wrist accompanied with a ring on her pinkie finger, and almost knee-length brown medium heeled boots with yellow stripes on the sides.
age: 15
bey: Flash lynx GB145R2F
Aside from that choppiness previously stated, its good! Since I have some experience in writing, I'll send a character too!
Name: Reece Dyer
Age: 15
Description: Purple muscle shirt, gray shorts, White basketball shoes. Curly blonde hair and a deep tan.
Bey: Forbidden Bull WD145WD
(Sep. 08, 2012 4:29 AM)Shirayuki Wrote: [ -> ]y'know what? I guess I should make a request to go with Insomniac's
What a coincidence, eh?
By the way, Gryphy, this story is coming along swell!
Great start, Lynx! I agree, you should use more descriptions, adjectives/adverbs. Keep up the great writing!
Character request:
Name - Ahimu Ayuru
Bey - Hades Cygnus BD145ES
Special Moves (if you want them) - Dance of the Fledgling, Lone Pas de Deux *cough*I've been watching way too much Princess Tutu lately.*cough*
Appearance: Short brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, pale skin. Wears a turquoise tube-top with corduroy bell-bottoms.
Personality: She is very kind, yet very leery of trusting others. She can be timid, cowardly, and even tsundere in large crowds. They say that her greatest asset is her loyalty and determination. She can speak to all kinds of water-fowl.
AWSOME!
I have just enogh to make the first chapter.
BTW
All chapters will be short so I can have loads.
Heh! The first chapter.Rermeber they'll be short.Sorry for duo post.
“Finn has won!†Announces the leader.
“I knew it!†Shouts Finn.
“So did I big brother!†Fionn shouted.
“Battle you tomorrow!†said Oliver Harris
“Sure, let’s go home Fionn.â€
“Ok.â€
At home....
“I'm going out. See you.â€
“Bye......â€
About an hour later
"A boy named Finn has stepped on a mine that killed two other people."The news reporter sadly."It is unidentified who placed the mine."
“W-w-what?†Fionn shouted as he cried. “This is not true! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!â€
BANG BANG BANG!
“OI! YOU THERE!†Reece Dyer shouted.
“W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what?â€
“Come with me!â€
Reece grabbed Fionn and dragged him into Diamond sergē’s car. “SergÄ“! What do you want with me!â€
“I saw the news. I saw who did it.†Reece said.
“Why don’t you tell the police?â€
“Because, if I do they’ll think im lying because I always lie! So we have to get proof!â€
“Well who did it?â€
“Shirou.â€
“FROM MY SCHOOL?!â€
“Yep!â€
I Might Make A Character Request Overall Nice Story
Ive wrote a bit of the second BUT I NEED IDEAS FOR THE STORY!
IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA FOR THE PLOT DO NOT POST IT HERE BUT SIMPLY PM ME!
Ok sorry.
So yeah I need ideas.
Sorry for the duoble post but...
Untill further notice this is closed because I can't think of things to put in it.
BUT
I WILL USE THE CHARACTER REQUESTS IN MY NEXT STORY!!!!