World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: Draft: Poison Giraffe S130MB
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My first draft, hope it isn't carp. I borrowed some paragraphs from articles that have already been accepted. I could use some help with the wording, and I need to find out some weights. Really sorry if it is a bad draft, but I tried really hard.

Quote:Note: This Beyblade was re-named "Poison Zurafa S130MB" by Hasbro.

Face: Giraffe

The Face on this Beyblade depicts Camelopadalis, one of the 88 constellations in space.

Clear Wheel: Giraffe
Weight: 2.8 grams


The Giraffe Clear Wheel was originally released in a transparent yellow-green color with orange details. The Clear wheel is oval-shaped with curved lines of orange fire, as well as two small notches sticking out, resembling giraffe heads. In this release, it is a clear white with black details.

Metal Wheel: Poison

Poison has fifteen rectangular protrusions on its circumference, each the same size and about 4 mm apart at the widest point. While this is not wide enough to provide useful smash attack, it still produces relatively large amounts of Recoil, making this part useless for Defense or Stamina. Furthermore, similar to Flame, the wheel is raised at the base, exposing the track to opposing Beyblades, making it even less useful for Defense purposes. This Recoil is worsened by the light weight of the Metal Wheel, which allows it to be easily knocked around and KO'ed by opposing Beyblades. This means the Wheel has little to no use for Attack. Due to these factors, Poison has absolutely no competitive use. In this release, Poison is painted deep purple for aestethic purposes.

Spin Track: S130
Weight: 3.3 grams

Made only of plastic, S130 has a horizontal disk attached to its centre. This disk consists of eight arms linked by some relatively round webs of plastic, which overall forms an imperfect circle. In this release S130 is of a dark grey color.

S130's inferior weight compared to Tracks like BD145 and GB145 render it outclassed for Defense purposes. However, where this Track has found a home is in Attack combos. S130 adds much needed weight to an attacker without obscuring its contact points. Also, its mid-sized height allows Attack Metal Wheels to score hits on a number of opposing heights. This allows S130 to be used with some Attack Wheels, including VariAres and Flash.

Use In Attack Customization
S130 can be put to good use in the Flash combo '''MF-H Flash Escolpio/Pisces/Orion S130RF''', adding a decent amount of weight to Flash without covering up contact points.

Performance Tip: MB

MB is a variation of the Ball tip, with the gimmick being that its surface is made fully out of metal, making it the third heaviest tip to this day. It has a wide surface area, low friction, and heavy weight, making it a very versatile tip. Being metal, it provides the low friction, resulting in longer endurance. The weight makes it an alright choice for defense. However, it is outclassed in Stamina and Defense, and has only found a home in a small number of combos.

Use in Balance Customization
MB is a vital piece in the Duo combo '''MF-H Duo Aquario/Cancer/Cygnus 230MB'''.

Use in Defense Customization
Although now outclassed, the combo '''Basalt ___ BD145MB''' dominated in the UK for a while.

Overall:
Although this Beyblade has some outclassed parts, it provides an easy way to acquire S130 and MB. While this Beyblade contains some competitive parts, they can be acquired from more useful Beyblades. In conclusion, this Beyblade should only be bought for collection purposes.
*Spelling of "versatile" in the MB section.

And, isn't the CW also outclassed? If so, the ending should be altered to two (outclassed parts sentence).
This Beyblade isn't necessary. S130 and MB can be acquired from the way more useful L Drago Guardian S130MB. Albeit having nice recolors, Poison and Giraffe are still useless.
Fixed the spelling and re-worded the Overall section. Does it look better now? Thanks for the help guys.
"While this Beyblade contains some competitive parts, they can be acquired from more useful Beyblades. In conclusion, this Beyblade should only be bought for collection purposes."

I think this would be better.
Well, I don't think it should ONLY be bought for collection purposes. A person that only has access to Hasbro beys couldn't get the Ultimate DX Set.
S130 is used with Flash, which a Hasbro blader cannot get. MB is used with Duo, which also a Hasbro blader cannot get.

Also, add this :

Name Change
Thos Beyblade was re-named "Poison Zurafa S130MB" by Hasbro.
Remove the "heaviest tip to this day" bit from the MB section, CF and GCF are far heavier.
Um only found use in one combo? It dominated for a while with Basalt ___ BD145MB.... It still requires mention even though it's outclassed.
(Aug. 26, 2012  4:04 AM)pocketpulls Wrote: [ -> ]
Quote:Face: Giraffe

The Face on this Beyblade depicts Camelopadalis, one of the 88 constellations in space.

Clear Wheel: Giraffe
Weight: 2.8 grams


The Giraffe Clear Wheel was originally released in a transparent yellow-green color with orange details. This Clear wheel is oval-shaped with curved details, as well as two small notches sticking out, resembling a giraffe’s head. In this release, it is a clear white with black details.

Metal Wheel: Poison
Poison has fifteen rectangular protrusions on its circumference, each the same size and about 4 mm apart at the widest point. While this is not wide enough to provide useful smash attack, it still produces relatively large amounts of Recoil, making this part useless for Defense or Stamina. Furthermore, similar to Flame, the wheel is raised at the base, exposing the track to opposing Beyblades, making it even less useful for Defense purposes. This Recoil is worsened by the light weight of the Metal Wheel, which allows it to be easily knocked around and KO'ed by opposing Beyblades. This means the Wheel has little to no use for Attack. Due to these factors, Poison has absolutely no competitive use. In this release, Poison is painted deep purple for aestethic purposes.

Track: S130
Weight: 3.3 grams

Made only of plastic, S130 has a horizontal disk attached to its centre. This disk consists of eight arms linked by some relatively round webs of plastic, which overall forms an imperfect circle. In this release S130 is of a dark grey color.

S130's inferior weight compared to Tracks like BD145 and GB145 render it outclassed for Defense purposes. However, where this Track has found a home is in Attack combos. S130 adds much needed weight to an attacker without obscuring its contact points. Also, its mid-sized height allows Attack Metal Wheels to score hits on a number of opposing heights. This allows S130 to be used with some Attack Wheels, including VariAres and Flash.

Use In Attack Customization
S130 can be put to good use in the Attack combo '''MF-H Flash Escolpio/Pisces/Orion S130RF''', adding a decent amount of weight to Flash without covering up contact points.

Bottom: MB

MB stands for Metal Ball. It is a variation of Ball, with the gimmick being that its surface is made fully out of metal, making it the third heaviest tip to this day. It has a wide surface area, low friction, and heavy weight, making it a very versatile tip. However, it is outclassed in Stamina and Defense, and has only found a home in a small number of combos..

Use in Balance Customization
MB is a vital piece in the Duo combo '''MF-M/H Duo Aquario/Cancer/Cygnus 230MB'''.

Overall:
While this Beyblade contains some competitive parts, they can be acquired from more useful Beyblades. In conclusion, this Beyblade should only be bought for collection purposes.

Fixed up some things; mostly capitalization.
The S130 section never actually says that the "S" stands for Shield.
Okay, fixed it up with the requests.
Hm, no, what the parts' letters stand for is always written in the title of the section, not in the description itself ... That is just superfluous.


The original description of Giraffe was OK, especially with the part on the fire lines which you removed.
Quote:The Giraffe Clear Wheel was originally released in a transparent yellow-green color with orange details. The Clear wheel is oval-shaped with curved lines of orange fire, as well as two small notches sticking out, resembling giraffe heads.
This is Qilin : those lines are nothing but fire.


Something seems like it should be added about Metal Ball's performance ... For instance, why the points listed make it versatile, exactly. Is it just that it can precess more ? And obviously the metal giving it less friction makes the whole thing have slightly more endurance, which should be mentioned.
Alright, fixed.
You did not fix the "Shield 130".
That's a start but considering it kinda dominated for a while the Basalt combo deserves more than just stating the combo.
I re-worded the Basalt phrase.
Not what I meant. I meant it deserves more than one line.
Can you write what you mean then, and I will add it?
It had a large amount of significance for the metagame is what I mean.
MB played a vital role in the success of the combination Basalt____BD145MB in the metagame?
No I meant the combo did. I never said MB anywhere in that sentence.
Then whats the point of adding the combo if the pieces of this bey do not partake in any of the significance? Or, am I getting it all wrong (again?)
That combo: First combo to really use with MB. Also it was a very significant combo in it's time. It deserves more than a line.
Oh, so the combo made MB good. MB didn't make the combo good, right?
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