World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: [Story] スターの3匹のマウス (The Three Mice of the Stars) Please Comment, and I Need Critics!
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Hello Everyone! This is the story I've been working on. It is about, oh, whatever. Read to find Out!

Chapter 1: The Beginning of Something Great
Chapter 2: Japan
Please comment and rate!
Chapter 2 might be up by... today. I'm not sure.
This is a great story with truly great grammar! I just don't understand how a mouse can fly in an airplane, or how a mouse can murder another mouse, though... You forgot to pluralize a few words, too... Other than that, great job!
Oh, the world is that mice replace humans. They have human characteristics, like the same psychological thought, etc. Sorry I didn't make it clear.
That's AWESOME!!! I love this idea! It is very promising! I can't wait to read more! And again, wonderful grammar!
Chapter 2 is up!
Any critics? Please comment. Thank you in advance.
this is AWESOME!!! please make more
(Apr. 22, 2012  9:54 PM)Beyblader#14793 Wrote: [ -> ]this is AWESOME!!! please make more

Thank you very much for the words of encouragement. I will right more!
More comments?
Again, any more comments? And sorry, it might take a while to type up chpt. 3. I'm doing a school project right now. Sorry!
Wonderfull story Takasu, keep it up!
I can't criticize when every thing I criticize is already taken care of!
(Apr. 26, 2012  1:34 AM)Shirayuki Wrote: [ -> ]I can't criticize when every thing I criticize is already taken care of!

Nag, nag! I beat you to it! Chapter 2 was great! I can't wait until Chapter 3! I wonder why they all have the same marks...
I smell a little bit of transformice here
(Apr. 26, 2012  11:49 PM)Shirayuki Wrote: [ -> ]I smell a little bit of transformice here

What is transformice? Chocked_2 Does it smell good?
(Apr. 27, 2012  12:08 AM)Fakirs Duck Wrote: [ -> ]
(Apr. 26, 2012  11:49 PM)Shirayuki Wrote: [ -> ]I smell a little bit of transformice here

What is transformice? Chocked_2 Does it smell good?

Transformice is a game
I just lol'd at that so hard.
(Apr. 27, 2012  8:57 PM)SarabScientist Wrote: [ -> ]
(Apr. 27, 2012  12:08 AM)Fakirs Duck Wrote: [ -> ]
(Apr. 26, 2012  11:49 PM)Shirayuki Wrote: [ -> ]I smell a little bit of transformice here

What is transformice? Chocked_2 Does it smell good?

I just lol'd at that so hardTongue_out

Ah,CRIMSON RED BLOOD...so descriptive!

Thanks!

PS I wonder why its the same people posting again and again in this thread...

Chapter 3 will be up by tommorrow!
(Apr. 30, 2012  3:32 AM)Yukio Wrote: [ -> ]
(Apr. 27, 2012  8:57 PM)SarabScientist Wrote: [ -> ]
(Apr. 27, 2012  12:08 AM)Fakirs Duck Wrote: [ -> ]What is transformice? Chocked_2 Does it smell good?

I just lol'd at that so hardTongue_out

Ah,CRIMSON RED BLOOD...so descriptive!

Thanks!

PS I wonder why its the same people posting again and again in this thread...

Chapter 3 will be up by tommorrow!

I dunno... I guess there's some stories that only a few people like, but, when those certain people come across them, they're very excited and absolutely adore the story! Life's the same, sometimes... I can't wait for chap 3!
Dang it. My Word isnt working, and I dont know where I put my notebook. Maybe next week for chpt. 3. Anyways, I need suggestions on what happens. I ran out of ideas!
Maybe they open the scroll, and its a map to a shrine. They think its just a piece of junk, until they realize that the mark on the shrine is the same as the one on their arms. This, of course, makes them want to investigate.

Hope this helped,
Duck
When is the third chapter gonna be up I want one
(May. 19, 2012  3:45 AM)StormAquario66 Wrote: [ -> ]When is the third chapter gonna be up I want one

Sorry, I have been having a hard time at home and school. The moment I get, I will get chapter 3 up. Don't worry!