World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: The Lifeless Blader [taking character requests](Sorry for the EXTREME lack of update)
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Chapter 1:Life after Death
Chapter 2:The Dragon Awakens
Chapter 3:Moving
Chapter 4: (told in third person)
Chapter 5: Accepting change
Chapter:6 Lies
Chapter 7: Sticks and Stones
Chapter 8: Dogs and Poetry
Chapter 9:Loving Death
Chapter 10 Death of a Soldier
Flashback series PLEASE DON'T READ YET
Character drawings:
Here's my character request!
Name: Jake Toshiko
Description: Happy guy with White jacket, brown eyes, blue jeans and black shoes, Oh and white spiky hair.
Persona: Happy, but hates losing...
Beyblade: Galaxy Susanoow 105 F
Beyblade special move: Galaxy's Light: Big Light comes down from sky and Galaxy Susanoow comes through the light with good power. THIS ISN'T INSTANT WIN!
This is a good story. I suggest that you fix run on sentences by adding a conjuction, comma, or by starting a new sentence. Also, start a new line for every new quote. Great job, keep on and you'll do fine! This is my charachter request:

Name: Illiana Slonoko (female)

Bey: Rock Libra R145 HF, Balance type

Special Move: Protective Blow - A spherical wall of energy protects Rock Libra for about 10 seconds, then all of the energy is dispersed, knocking the opponent away

Appearance: Very short blond hair, pale green eyes, freckles, light skin, pale green sweater, black skirt

Personality: Very mysterious and VERY shy, doesn't trust anyone for ANYTHING! Has a phobia of spiders.
thanks fakir jus 2 let u know u were my insperation to write storys
name: Shira Noyuki (Male)

bey: Fusion AquarioBD145CS

Special move: Fusion waterfall, Bljue energy much like water shoots Aquario in the air and come back down on top of the bey, as aquario is on top It steals alot of stamina

Appearance: Black hair styled like sora from kingdom hearts black trench coat (all buttons buttoned) grey pants and black boots

personality: quiet, Doesn't really care about whats going on and trusts only himself

by the way, try to use microsoft word to check for any spelling mistakes.
Dude, this story may need some work, but it's got potential!
thx
you're welcome! Wink
(Apr. 15, 2012  9:50 PM)falling Wrote: [ -> ]thanks fakir jus 2 let u know u were my insperation to write storys

Falling, you just made me blush sooooo hard! My name isn't Fakir, it's Duck (not really, it's my code name). I'M A GIRL!!!

But, uh, thanks for the compliment. I've never actually inspired someone before... I guess it's time I actually find something that I'm good at!

Keep on writing!
i think your amazing at writing everyone tells me i have great ideas and that i should do it your what drove me to try
Character request
John Fukuoka
Bey had flame cancer 100 wd
Special move inferno gunner cancer spins in circles so fast like the tornado stadium that it shoots itself at super high speeds and knocks the opponent out
Appearance average height black hair t shirts and shorts
Personality headstrong and determined
had?
could he be a villan
For your fist question, that was a typo, and yes.
okay
Meh, this is not bad.. I'll just point out most of your mistakes.

-Always use a punctuation after a sentence. I don't even know if there -is- a sentence. Especially on the first chapter where it seemed like the sentences are the ENTIRE PARAGRAPHS THEMSELVES. Also, use commas to separate clauses.

-There is a majority of grammar and spelling mistakes here. Good thing that you only wrote 2 chapters only, because it gives you a gigantic space to improve.

-Yes, please use Microsoft Word as it fixes almost all of the mistakes here.

-Fix your grammar too. Oh wait, I think I pointed that out already...

-Last of all, try to make your accepting of characters from a minimal to none.
i decided not to do asweet's
Have u read my character request?
EDIT: Oh! I didnt read chapter 2..
but deus i know what im doing with this request thing i can handle it
(Apr. 16, 2012  6:21 PM)falling Wrote: [ -> ]but deus i know what im doing with this request thing i can handle it

I know you can! Thanks for, uh, using my character. This story is getting really good! I'm anxious to see exactly WHO Shira is gonna be, and I can't wait for the next chapter!
...
You really DO need to use MS-Word.
It will help with a LOT of your grammar mistakes.
And dialouge is supposed to go like so:
"Hey Joe," Bob said.
"Hey Bob," Joe said.
etc. But don't forget to add description.(This is for when you re-write chapter one, if you do so).
And please DO NOT accept character requests, or at least LIMIT them if you keep them going...
you have enough as it is.
Don't just make it dialouge, let there be action as well.
And paragraphs, paragraphs, paragraphs.
So basically take Deus's advice.
Just have fun and remember your grammar! If YOU, the writer, have fun, your readers will have fun, too! That's ALL you have to do!
That's nice. You pm me to give a character request, then you turn it down. PuzzlingTired
sorry dude i didnt see the one for shira dat was be fore i saw it cuz i needed a nother evil guy cuz i waz gonna make shira a good guy but i changed my mind
Name: Kyurem Arcai (Male) Bey: Counter Aries ED145 WD BSM: Horn Crush- ED145 flips opposing bey up in air then slams it back into stadium Appearence: Mostly wears Nike hoodies/tracksuit also wears nike trainers, Has siIver ring on index Persona: Over confident, happy-go-lucky & independant
FROM NOW ON PM REQUESTS
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