A little piece of advice: Come up with an entirely original cast of characters, not people in the show, because with people you created, the story has more... character.
Plus, you need more description, and less dialouge. You at least got the dialouge portion correct with your story (New line for each character that speaks).
...
That'll be all.
I'm writing this story because my best friend wanted me to write a story about her x Kyoya. Plus, I love the characters, it's like writing about my own family! Don't worry though, new characters will start coming in during the second or third chapter. Thanks for the advice! I'll work on descriptiveness.
Well, Ok then. As long as it's just not completly MFB characters, it won't be that bad...
And of course your story has far more grammar then other stories around here (Woo hoo!).
So for once, I don't have a single reason to rant about grammar...
Thanks for the compliment! I guarantee you that I will be adding more charachters. In fact, two new characters will be introduced in the next chapter, which will be posted in a new thread.
No, don't post them in a new thread.
You only need 1 thread for a story.
Well, considering you disabled PMing, I cannot PM you how to do spoilers.
So, here is the message.
Quote:You do this:
[ spoiler ] story [ /spoiler ]
But remove the spaces in the boxes.
It should turn out like so:
Thank you so much XXaron! I am eternally grateful to you! I will add that to my story and continue writing!
I am now taking a maximum of 2 character requests. I am in need of 2 girls. Note: Only the boys will have beys. The reason the girls don't have beys will be explained in later chapters.
Format -
Name: The name MUST be Japanese or I will not use it!!!
(Boys only) Bey: This must include the bey's type, (Stamina, Attack, Defense, Balance) and TWO Special Moves!!!
Personality: Describe your character's personality and appearance. Also, say whether or not your character rebels against evil, or remains a servant of evil untill the end. This is important! Girls only: If you choose to rebel against evil, your character can have a crush on Tsubasa, Hyoma, or Ryuga. This is only for girls who are against evil, and only the three stated boys are available.
Girls example -
Hikaru Hasama
Blue hair, red eyes, very skinny and tan, wears shorts, rebels against evil, does not have a crush on anybody.
PLEASE SEND YOUR CHARACHTER REQUEST THROUGH PMing, NOT EMAIL!!!
Do NOT accept character requests, come up with your own characters, just a small bit of advice.
XXaron, I know what I am doing with these charachter requests. As you can see by my requirements for acceptance, I have this under control. Believe me!
There are currently spaces for two boys and two girls left! Send requests through PMing!
try to keep your thread alive by 1. bumping (not suggested)
2. post a reply saying you got a new chapter in OP. (OP = opening post.)
personaly, even though I don't like MFB, I think you nailed the characters i mean this should be like a real episode! Keep up the good work.
Nice one.............. truly a great grammar
There are currently only two character requests open! FEMALE ONLY! Thanks for the support guys!
TWRP Wrote:personaly, even though I don't like MFB, I think you nailed the characters i mean this should be like a real episode! Keep up the good work.
That's what happens when you watch each episode, like, 20x over! Just kidding! Thanks, though.
Seriously, aren't there ANY girls that read this stuff? Am I the only one? What a shame...
New chapter added! Things have taken a turn for the worse! Now that we've gotten this far into the story, I'll reveal a secret (it's not a spoiler). I am Ayumu! Hope you enjoy! I am still in need of 2 FEMAlE character requests!
Very nice story, Duck or Ayuma. You have some spelling mistakes now and then but so far so good. Great Job!
I just added Chapter 7, and I am no longer taking character requests! All of the chosen characters will be introduced in the next chapter!
It's time to bump!
Bumpity bump bump!
I just added Chapter 8! All character requests were featured in this chapter! Don't worry, they'll be in more chapters, too!
That was a long chapter. I like it. Please continue the story Duck.
I just added Chapter 9! Enjoy and please review, readers!
Wonderful Chapter 10 Duck!
Quote:“Ginka, I have to tell you...I love you! – “ Kyoya gasped...
Just joking
Chapter 10 is up in the OP! Enjoy and please review, beloved readers!