Apr. 01, 2012 2:33 AM
OK I have good news and bad news.Bad news is I am not going to be here for a while,so chapter 4 will have to wait.Good news is when Im back,I'll post chapter 4 and 5.4 1 day and 5 the other!!!
(Apr. 01, 2012 2:33 AM)Crax686 Wrote: [ -> ]OK I have good news and bad news.Bad news is I am not going to be here for a while,so chapter 4 will have to wait.Good news is when Im back,I'll post chapter 4 and 5.4 1 day and 5 the other!!!NVM that guys I am back.(WOW I keep making changes unexpectly.)Now for chapter 4 imma post it.(Possibly draft it)
(Apr. 30, 2012 4:55 PM)NPB Wrote: [ -> ]I have an character request!The name was taken from the main character.(me!)No,the last name wasn't taken but it would be hard to tell which Jake is which.Is it OK for me to change the name to "Jacob" so that it doesn't get mixed up?
Name: Jake Toshiko
Persona: Happy guy with white hair, black shoes, jeans, white jacket with red stripes and brown eyes.
Bey: Galaxy Susanoow 105 R2F.
Special move: Galaxy Light, a light comes from the sky and susanoow goes through it and get's amazing powers.
(May. 01, 2012 4:47 AM)Fakirs Duck Wrote: [ -> ]It's a good story, but dialogue should go like this:
“Hi Takara!†I shouted.
"Hello Pereko!†she replied.
Also, it's kinda weird, the way each chapter introduces a new character. Try to break the repetivity.