World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

part 1 two of a kind


"all right give me all your points and we'll let you go." growled the gang leader. "ready bro?" asked Ryan. "i was born ready!" replied James. the two bothers launched thier beys. "so that's the way it's going to be. have a nice flight." said the gang leader. he launched his bey into battle. "go Dark Serpent." he growled. "all right lets do this! go blue Thunder Wolf!" said Ryan. "do it red Thunder Wolf!" yelled James. "team spescial move! Wolf doble thunder bite!!" they yelled in perfect sink. blue and red Wolf charged at Serpent then attacked with brute force with constent hits from both beys. "nothings happenning!!" yelled James. a look of horror spred it's self across Ryans face. "it can't be! this move hase never been beten!" growlled Ryan. "go Pisces!!" a unknown voice rung out. a blue and gray Dark Pisces D125 SF flew out of no where and smashed into Serpent with brute force. Serpent was sent flying. the gang leader fled. Jack pulled out his bey pointer. "holy cats he has over 99,000 points!" exclamed Ryan.


"the names Jack Cooper." said Jack. "wow i've heard of you. they say you are the best blader in this erea." said a 13 year blader who had been watching from the shadows. "who are you?" asked Ryan. "Koji, Koji Wantanobe of Japan." replide Koji digging out his bey. "and this is my Storm Libera 105 ES."


((why i didn't just use one thread for it all in the first place. oh ya nice job Jason ya make your self look like a spammer and now you have retype ALL of part 2. *wacs self in head*))

Hm...OK, a few points I wanna touch on:
*Confusing-Not very clear. You didn't define your setting, you didn't describe the beys or the battle, and I have no idea who the characters even are. Make sure you clearly define all of that.
*Spacing-Make sure to space your lines between each strand of dialogue. Cleans it up and makes it appealing to the eye.

(Feb. 24, 2012  1:01 AM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]Hm...OK, a few points I wanna touch on:
*Confusing-Not very clear. You didn't define your setting, you didn't describe the beys or the battle, and I have no idea who the characters even are. Make sure you clearly define all of that.
*Spacing-Make sure to space your lines between each strand of dialogue. Cleans it up and makes it appealing to the eye.

ok, i was planning on giving more info on the characters and bey desc in the next part. i'll all so clear it up in the next part and make as nonconfusing as i can

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I don't like dis.It's too short.

(Feb. 24, 2012  10:28 PM)crax686 Wrote: [ -> ]...

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I don't like dis.It's too short.

oh ya the title makes it look compleat. i need to do the rest.

part 2(reright) master of water

5 years earlyer

"go, do it now!!" yelled Jack. his bey began to clash with Dark Pisces.
"Pisces spescial move, downward shark bite!" yelled Jack's father Adam. Pisces dodged an attack from Jack's bey and darted tward one side of the erena. Pisces hit the edge and flew into the air then crashed down on top of Jack's bey.
"wha?......" Jack couldn't believe his eyes his bey had not only stopped spinning but was in a crater.
Jack grab him bey and put back on his launcher. "one more time!" he growled
"very well." replide Adam.
"3....2.....1 LET IT RIP!!"
they pullef their tip cords and the beys clashed again.
"Jack your using shear force that is not how you win a battle." said Adam. he balled his fist "counter stance!" he yelled. Pisces took up a affencive stance and hit Jack's bey with a group of well amed attacks.
Jack growlled balling up his fist. his bey was begining to woble already. "dodge it!" he yelled but before his bey could move it was sent flying.
"it looks like you need training." commented Adam. "don't worry! when i'm through you will be like a ninja.

pressent day

"oh this is so cool!" exclamed Koji.
"just don't let meeting me get to your head." said Jack. //ugh how does this guy put up with him-self?" he thought

Please write more.I like it it is very creative.

(Feb. 26, 2012  1:41 AM)Anubis123 Wrote: [ -> ]Please write more.I like it it is very creative.

i'm just get'n warmed up

part 3 the quest begins


"what do you mean let it get to my head?!?" growled Koji.
Jack rolled his eyes. "you know what i mean!" he replide.
before Koji could reply a Poison Scorpio came out of know where. "i chalange you to a battle Cooper!" an unknown voice called from the shadows.
"ha! you know i'll win so your hiding!" yelled Jack making surr his opponent could hear.
"strong words! care to prove it?" replide the stranger.
"with plesure." said Jack as launch Dark Pisces into battle. the two beys charged at each other sending out a shock wave as they clashed. "now Scorpio!!" yelled Jack's oponent. Pisces shatterd into peice. the battle was over before it even started. the look of confidence on Jack's face was gone and so was his bey. Koji starred at the remanes of Pisces in horror. it couldn't be! had Jack Cooper really been beten?
Jack to his knees and yelled louder then he had before.

part 4 i won't brake!



Koji launched his Libra. "spescial move! Libra tornado blast!!" yelled Koji. Libra began to glow purple and created a wind storm.
"ha! is that the best you can do? Poison Scorpio spescial move! blades of poison!" yelled the brute. Scorpio charged at Libra braking through the wall of wind and sending libra flying into peices just like it had done to Pisces.
Jack growled in his rage. "i will battle you again and Scorpio will be the bey smashed tp peises!!" he yelled. Jack walked away followed by Koji. Koji had a deep respect for Jack and he knew Jack was worthy of it. Jack never backed down even if there was no way he could win he always came out on top in the end.
"first things first. we need to-" Jack stopped when he saw something in a pile of rubish. he picked it up. he couldn't believe it he had found a one of a kind bey that no one had seen in 56 years. Hyper Aquario ED145 CS a bey of amazing power. what was strange was it looked fresh from the bey shop. this couldn't be right! but it was.
"they say that bey is the 5th most poerful in the worll." said Koji.
"the most powerful being Pegasus." replide Jack.

you should edit the first post cuz otherwise your double posting

(Feb. 27, 2012  6:37 PM)Luck Wrote: [ -> ]you should edit the first post cuz otherwise your double posting

good point