World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Chapter 1: Genesis

Hey. My name is Justin, and I love Beyblading. I now live in Tokyo, at the heart of Japan. I was born back in Toronto, ON. I first found out about Beyblade during the plastic generation. I mixed and matched different parts, till I came up with one combination that I particularly liked, and I named it Tiger. Not exactly the most original word, but suits my purposes. It was fierce. It attacked. It spun still. It was fast. I first met my beyblading friends at High Park, where my mom and I were strolling after school. I had always brought my launcher and Tiger with me wherever I went, because it was my best friend. I had friends all right, but they weren’t the trust-worthiest bunch and so I did not put my faith in them. I was walking towards the big maple leaf in the middle, because I had not been there in a while. As soon as I hit the open space, I heard a familiar sound. “Let it RIP!” I tugged at my mom’s hand. “Mom, hurry! It’s a Beyblade Battle!” My mother let go of my hand, and I ran.

As soon as I hit the open space, I saw them. There were around 5 people, or less. There were two kids standing on the opposite side of the stadium, and the other 3 were watching the battle in a line, anxious to see who would win. I took out my Tiger and my launcher, and politely asked, “Hello, may I join in the game?” They turned around, and stared at me dumbfoundedly. There was silence for a second, and all you could hear was the wind and the two beyblades clashing. One of the kids battling picked up his beyblade and walked up to me. I realized he was a bit bigger than me. I tensed, clutching Tiger tightly. And the others burst into laughter, “Of course you can play!” “come on, I’ll take you on!”. And that was how my Blading Life began.

Author's Note: Some of it is based on real life

Pretty short and basic. First paragraph uses I too much.
Repetition. No me gusta.
Grammar is good, but so far the character is kinda boring.
He's a kid with a random blade, friends aren't the greatest bunch (hopefully not the true part of the story, if so that's saddening..) and big guy comes to challenge him.
Needs moar content.

New Update!
Edited 1st chap


Hey. My name is Justin, and I love Beyblading. I now live in Tokyo, at the heart of Japan. I was born back in Toronto, ON. I first found out about Beyblade during the plastic generation. My mom would take me to the toy store once in a while and reward me with Beyblades and parts. Mixing and matching different parts, till I came up with one combination that I particularly liked, and I named it Tiger. Not exactly the most original word, but suits my purposes. It was fierce. It attacked. It spun still. It was fast. I first met my beyblading friends at High Park, where my mom and I were strolling after school. I had always brought my launcher and Tiger with me wherever I went, because it was my best friend. I had friends all right, but they weren’t the trust-worthiest bunch and so I did not put my faith in them. I was walking towards the big maple leaf in the middle, because I had not been there in a while. As soon as I hit the open space, I heard a familiar sound. “Let it RIP!” I tugged at my mom’s hand. “Mom, hurry! It’s a Beyblade Battle!” My mother let go of my hand, and I ran.

As soon as I hit the open space, I saw them. There were around 5 people, or less. There were two kids standing on the opposite side of the stadium, and the other 3 were watching the battle in a line, anxious to see who would win. I took out my Tiger and my launcher, and politely asked, “Hello, may I join in the game?” They turned around, and stared at me dumbfoundedly. There was silence for a second, and all you could hear was the wind and the two beyblades clashing. One of the kids battling picked up his beyblade and walked up to me. I realized he was a bit bigger than me. I tensed, clutching Tiger tightly. And the others burst into laughter, “Of course you can play!” “come on, I’ll take you on!”. And that was how my Blading Life began.
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I met my best friend there. Finally. A friend that I could trust, a person that would stick up for me no matter what. His name was Niklas. He also was at my school, and was in the other class in the grade. One day, after our blading session, my mom and his mom were chatting avidly. Nik’s mom drove us home, and it turns out that they lived right next door. And so everyday after school, I would go over to Nik’s house to play and do homework until dinner, which I had back home. We were the best of friends, always battling and encouraging each other.

The Beyblade vibe soon lost its attraction, and Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards became the new toy to have. Niklas and I never gave up beyblade, and we still constantly practiced. On a Friday breaktime, we were having a 4-way battle with the only other kids in the school that still liked beyblade, Andrew and Xavier. “3,2,1! LET IT RIIIIIIP!” Nik’s Beyblade, Flame Phoenix began attacking while Tiger and the other two Beyblade spun still in the middle. Nik shouted, “You guys are sitting ducks! Phoenix attack!” Phoenix suddenly started moving towards us with incredible speed, and I shouted, “Tiger! Move out!” Tiger just managed to dodge the attack, but the other two Beyblades were knocked out. “All right Justin, it’s you and me!” shouted Nik. We had made so much noise some other kids were crowding round us, watching the battle, with half of them shouting, “GO NIK!” and the other half screaming, “JUSTIN! JUSTIN!” Tiger moved to center, and Phoenix began his attack. “Phoenix Flaming Attack!” Phoenix began circling the stadium, waiting to strike. I know this move well. He always waits for the moment the opponent is distracted, and strikes to the middle. I watch carefully. He strikes, snaking towards me in a zigzag. This is it, Tiger. Let’s go. “Dodge!” Tiger suddenly moves out of the way, and Phoenix is hurtling towards the exit. “Phoenix! Revival!” Phoenix’s Engine Gear kicked in, saving himself. “Tiger Flame Attack!” While Phoenix was still stalling at the tornado ridge of the stadium, Tiger moved in at the perfect time, to smash out Phoenix. “I.. I.. lost?” stuttered Nik. “Come on, buddy. It’s not such a bad thing, you can always battle me again!” I smiled. Then we went home, and spent the day practicing and having fun.
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The Monday we came back, there was news. There was going to be a new Beyblade tournament! “Bey-Fight is ON! See you there on Friday 16th November! Winner gets a new HMS Beyblade and a chance to represent Toronto! Tag-team battle format!” The poster was up, right on the bulletin board in the school hall. “Let’s do this,” I said to Nik. “Yeah! We can take on everyone,” Nik replied.

Bump!
Please CnC
I might stop this project

And so I said, "Hey Nik!" "Yeah?" Nik replied. "BUUUUMP!" "oh."

(Jan. 16, 2012  4:38 AM)JCx06 Wrote: [ -> ]And so I said, "Hey Nik!" "Yeah?" Nik replied. "BUUUUMP!" "oh."

There should've been a better reason to bump this thread. Anyways don't bump these threads only at the beymarket.

Oh, sorry.