World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: The Edge - Chapter 2 Up. Please tell me what you think!
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Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)

If I finish this, I will probably look into publishing it.
wow short chapter. i like how you described somethings and some you just through in without saying a word about like for instance the flames were the excruciatingly hot or what . i really hate how you just ended it n one chapter which looks like a paragraph and a half. but overall only a few punctuation and grammar errors
It isn't finished. I'll hopefully do Chapter 2 tomorrow.
Hey Aura, I like what you did with the title.
Anyway, there are a few grammatical errors, but I'm really excited for the rest of the chapters!
Chapter 2 Added. Both are 1st edits. Both will be made 4x longer.
...You put so much attention into detail it caught me...and yet halfway through I was completely lost.

I think you need to more clearly explain-without breaking the 4th wall-what is actually happening. Someone was opening his mouth, and then he's in a row of destroyed houses?...
its decent - good. Short but to the point. I like it. The barking squirrels bit kind of confuses me though...