World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Deception

Chapter One : Uncontrollable

Tatagami Hatakashi first led a very simple life until he met the dark... Lets Begin The Story

Tatagami Hakashi had a very simple life. His mom Perlin Hatakashi work at Beyblade Liednict Incorperated. His dad Tatakashi Hatakashi....was a loner and didnt like telling him carp.



"Tatagami, Come eat your breakfast,"Perlin said.
"Mom I have to prepare for school no time for breakfast,"he said.
"Ok son have a good day,"Perlin Said.
"Bye Dad,"Tatagami said.
Tatakashi looked at Tatagami with a very angrilly look and said,"Have a nice day son."

He grabbed his bey gear and went off to school.

Minutes Later At Black Hawk Middle School

"Hi Ashley,"Tatagami said blushing as red s a ripe tamatoe
"Hey,"She replied as if she didnt care
Down And Out Tatagami ran to class because he was going to be late.
Mysteriously a kid no one had ever seen befor popped up.
"Hey you; you want to battle ." He Said
"Sure my EvilLeoneED145WD will defeat you," Tatagami said.
The Mystery Boy pulled out of his bey pouch a RayHerculeoGb145CS
Tatagami Loaded His Leone Onto His Red Light Launcher, with black grip, angle compass, and beypointer.
They Count Down "3....2...1... Go Shoot"
"Go Ray Herculeo finish him fast Speial Move Blazing Howler Fist."
"Not So Fast!"Tatagami yelled.
"Special move Darkness Growling Strike."
Leone Turned Black And Went Burzerker.
"Ahhh Destroy Him," Tatagami Hair Flying Towards the air
Out of Nowhere A Green Bey Comes To Stop The Battle And Attacks Leone.
Leone Stops Spinning And Tatagami Blacks Out.

Character Apps

Name:
Age:
Bey: Can Be Made Up
Special move : (What It Does}
Bio:
Gear:

I said I wouldn't review any more, and I won't. Instead, I give this: Dialogue does NOT=story. Blend of dialogiue and description=Happy Sparta :]

And then:
Name: Pleasedont makecharacterrequests.
Age: Chuck Norris.
Bey: Stop No don't123
Special move: Don't be lazy and make some characters yourself!-Pleasedont gives good advice to writer and writer is much happier with the result of taking his advice.
Bio: Pleasedont just wants to give some help and doesn't want to be mean. He only wants what is best for the writer-people will start to take over your story and suddenly it's not even your writing anymore.
Gear: The best writing equipment out there.

Sorry to be cliché or SPAMMY, but this should help you out.

(Oct. 17, 2011  6:40 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]I said I wouldn't review any more, and I won't. Instead, I give this: Dialogue does NOT=story. Blend of dialogiue and description=Happy Sparta :]

And then:
Name: Pleasedont makecharacterrequests.
Age: Chuck Norris.
Bey: Stop No don't123
Special move: Don't be lazy and make some characters yourself!-Pleasedont gives good advice to writer and writer is much happier with the result of taking his advice.
Bio: Pleasedont just wants to give some help and doesn't want to be mean. He only wants what is best for the writer-people will start to take over your story and suddenly it's not even your writing anymore.
Gear: The best writing equipment out there.

Sorry to be cliché or SPAMMY, but this should help you out.

If he accepts this, I wonder how it is going to turn out

I Accept t Its Gonna Be An Awesome Turnout because iactually needed a writer in my story now i need a best friend and about 3-4 friends and a gang of enemies

Agreed w/ Sparta, Character Requests =/= good and = SUCKY WRITER!

On a scale of 1-10, this gets a 3/10. being honest. fix your grammar, flow, dialogue, description etc. then it will be good

thx forr feed back and nice signature sorry for being off topic