World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Chapter 1:Yo,Meet Jero
One Monday morning there was an loud scream"carp, I'm so late for school!!!!" said a boy named Jero."Honey please don't scream, your baby brother is still sleeping."said his mother."Sorry Mom, but I got 5 minutes before school starts.". Then he left his home and ran to school with his DarkFireblaze135R2F in his backpack. But when he's only a block away from school he sees another blader."Hey Jero, I'm Manny and I wanna battle ya!!" said the blader."Alright, I'll battle you." said Jero. He took out his Fireblaze and sees the opponents Storm Gemios."3...2...1...LET IT RIP!!!!!!" said both of the bladers.While Jero's Fireblaze was destroying his opponents bey he remembered when he first met Fireblaze. His father gave him it for his 13th birthday,but only a month later Jero's father was taken away by a mysterious man,overnight.Jero hasn't seen his father since."Alright Fireblaze,let's finish this!"said Jero"Volcano Sword!!"
Jero's blade launched Gemios in the air and slashed at him with a trail of fire behind the bey finally finishing the bey by a giant pillar of fire, then there was a giant black cloud and when it cleared Jero's bey was still spinning,Gemios wasn't."Well see ya Manny." said Jero and he headded for school, late

Accecpting character requests but only the first two, one of the people has to be a good guy (Jero's best friend)and the other a bad guy
EDIT:the beyblades have to be made of real parts and Dark is now Galaxy
Name: Jero
Age:13
Beyark Fireblaze 135 R2F
Special move :Volcano Sword, the bey launches then slashes at the other bey in the air witha trail of fire behind it,finishing it with a pillar of fire.
Bio:Jero is kind,smart and wants to be the best blader in the world
Gear:Red ripcord launcher and pointer

Character Name: Andrew
Gender:Male
Bey:Fang Wolf ED145B (Defense) P.s the wolf clear wheel is a dark red.
Character Description: Andrew is a very smart and funny guy. He is never afraid to crack a witty pun from time to time. He is the new kid in town and is looking to make friends. He is a very caring friend but is battle serious.
Gear:He has shadow black launcher grip with a beypoint card and a dark red beylauncher. He also has an angle compass.
P.S he is a good guy

Oh. My. Firetruckin'. Haruhi. IF I SEE ANOTHER STORY WITH CHARACTER REQUESTS...

MAKE YOUR OWN GOD DAMN CHARACTERS! NOT THAT HARD![/rage]

1. Separate your words after commas. They don't like each other, so you need to give them a space (Get it?)

2. More descriptions/sentences without quotes. Less with.

3. Try to write more than half a page for a chapter.

Name: Jack Atlas
Beyblade: Vulcan Draconis D125MF
Bio:Jack calls himself "The King" and likes to act like he is better than the other bladers.He is cold-hearted and likes to pick on weaker bladers.
Gear:White Launcher grip and gold beylauncher
Special move:Absolute PowerForce, Draconis in a humanoid dragon form and forms a fist with it's right hand with flames coming out of the fist and punches the opposing bey causing an explosion.
This is how Draconis's bit beast form looks like.
Age:14
He's one of the Bad guys.

Alright next part
Chapter 2:Andrew's Fang
When Jero came to class(Late, of course)he noticed that the teacher brought a new kid."Class, this is Andrew,Andrew sit next to Jero.When Andrew sat next to Jero, Jero noticed a small glint in his hoodie.
After class was over Jero decided to show Andrew around the school"Hi, I'm Jero, Jero said,"Hey Jero"said Andrew, but then the school bully Jack Atlas and his gang came."Hey Dorko, you wanna battle, oh wait you suck like your dad, that crappy Fireblaze is just as lame as you, if that's possible !"Jack said and his members laughed."Oh, new meat eh?"Jack said,"How about my Draconis destroy your blade?".Andrew's hand went into his pocket and he took out a FangWolfED145B"Not happenin'."he said. So after school Jack and Andrew met at the town stadium by the park after school.Jack took out his white grip and gold beylauncher, while Andrew took out a black grip, with a point card, red launcher and an angle compass."Aw man, I wish I had a grip" Jero said. Andrew was positioning his grip, and Jero noticed Wolf's clear wheel was glowing dark red."3..2..1..LET IT RIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" they both said.Wolf was incredible, it kept blocking Draconis' attacks, but every time Draconis hit it was almost showing it's bit beast."Hahahahahaha, alright you peice of bull!@#$ no more playing, the King is tired, Draconis ABSOLUTE POWERFORCE!!!!!!". Just then Jack's beast came out, a red dragon whose right hand formed a fist and aimed toward Wolf, then fire surrounded the dragon's fist."Andrew watch out!!!"Jero said."I'm all fired up" said Andrew, "No time for bad jokes." said Jero", "Don't worry, Wolf use Howling Storm!!!", Wolf sent out a pack of giant dark red wolves toward Draconis. Draconis punched his firey fist toward Wolf, but as they were about to collide a blue beyblade went in between and stopped them both, causing a huge explosion. After the smoke cleared the launcher was a girl with black hair, with a hoodie and jeans, Jero knew her, she was Tina a friend of Jero's. "Alright you two stop this!!!" she said, then Andrew took his bey and Jack did too.Then they both walked away," Who was that girl ?" Andrew said,"Oh that's a friend of mine, Tina" said Jero.After that Jero and Andrew walked to Jero's home

Name:Tina
Age:13
BeyvilAquarioH145MS
Special Movecean Blast-The bey covers itself in water and slashes at the opponent and the H145 turns to ice
Bio: Tina is kinda sassy but is a good friend, she also loves to battle a lot

Alright I only need help to make beyblade combinations and special moves pm me if you have an idea ONLY BEYS AND SPECIAL MOVES. NO CHARACTERS!!!!!

I like how you introduced my character and your story is great..Keep it up.BTW you spelled punched wrong and you said after school twice.

(Oct. 06, 2011  2:03 AM)Coyote Starrk Wrote: [ -> ]I like how you introduced my character and your story is great..Keep it up.BTW you spelled punched wrong and you said after school twice.

I did? Well I gotta learn to reread more carefully. I'll get the next chapter by next week or Tuesday

Name: Eddie Lawless
Age:12
Bey: Evil Leone ed145 wd
Special move arkness Growling Strike, Leone Turns Black And Simaltaniously attacks the enemies bey until it is destroyed and its peices are shattered Eddie Only Does This When Neccesarry to stop the bad guys.
Bio: Eddie is kind, he is a computer genious and has seen jero battle and wants to become freinds he can barely controll his leone so jero helps him tame his wild best he is sometimes blinded with concern for the enemy
Gear:Red string launcher ,pointer ,Custom Grip, Spare Parts For Everyone

(Oct. 16, 2011  10:38 PM)Fathom Wrote: [ -> ]Name: Eddie Lawless
Age:12
Bey: Evil Leone ed145 wd
Special move arkness Growling Strike, Leone Turns Black And Simaltaniously attacks the enemies bey until it is destroyed and its peices are shattered Eddie Only Does This When Neccesarry to stop the bad guys.
Bio: Eddie is kind, he is a computer genious and has seen jero battle and wants to become freinds he can barely controll his leone so jero helps him tame his wild best he is sometimes blinded with concern for the enemy
Gear:Red string launcher ,pointer ,Custom Grip, Spare Parts For Everyone

JeroZone's not taking characters anymore.

(Oct. 16, 2011  10:53 PM)SwiftShadow Wrote: [ -> ]

(Oct. 16, 2011  10:38 PM)Fathom Wrote: [ -> ]Name: Eddie Lawless
Age:12
Bey: Evil Leone ed145 wd
Special move arkness Growling Strike, Leone Turns Black And Simaltaniously attacks the enemies bey until it is destroyed and its peices are shattered Eddie Only Does This When Neccesarry to stop the bad guys.
Bio: Eddie is kind, he is a computer genious and has seen jero battle and wants to become freinds he can barely controll his leone so jero helps him tame his wild best he is sometimes blinded with concern for the enemy
Gear:Red string launcher ,pointer ,Custom Grip, Spare Parts For Everyone

JeroZone's not taking characters anymore.

Not characters but I will take blade combinations and their special moves so I'll use your's thanks

your welcome but i wouldve liked to hear my paragraph

Karoter Request-

Name - Sasuke Fudo Yuki Uchiha Uzumaki Hyuga Kurosaki III
Bey - UltimateChidoriRasenganDragonFalconPegasusChuckNorris FHSDHTS174236
Special Move - God pweer- the bay blows the world up
Bio - Like Chuck Norris but mor awsomr
Appearance - Boss

BTW this stry rox!

Bey: Phantom Phoenix S130DS Phoenix clear wheel is yellow
Special Move: Dark Phoenix Blaze
its like flame claw but the flames are black

(Oct. 17, 2011  12:52 AM)TITAN Wrote: [ -> ]Karoter Request-

Name - Sasuke Fudo Yuki Uchiha Uzumaki Hyuga Kurosaki III
Bey - UltimateChidoriRasenganDragonFalconPegasusChuckNorris FHSDHTS174236
Special Move - God pweer- the bay blows the world up
Bio - Like Chuck Norris but mor awsomr
Appearance - Boss

BTW this stry rox!

#Winning.

Please, no requests for anything. It just shows that you're lazy and can't come up with any yourself-and even if you can, you really should. It's your story, so you should be in control of what goes into it. You'll be more pleased when you finish because you'll know that you came up with all of it

Okay, I had to post that. Now, mesa is serious.

No More Requests, Of Any Kind. - They are annoying, childish, and flat-out lazy. I used them once before, and they eventually killed my story. You would be doing us all a favor, including yourself.

Fix the Grammar - I could see countless grammar mistakes in "Chapter 1", and that was from skimming. Put one space after commas, and two after periods. Also, because we can't indent here, I recommend putting one line between each paragraph. It looks nicer.

Lastly, Get To the Plot! - Don't use half of your story for filler! Within the first three "chapters", I believe you should at least have something of an antagonist and something of a glimpse of the conflict.

Yay for TiTAN, one of the WBO gods of writing!

I'm better than a god; I'm a TITAN! We eat gods for breakfast!<-----Off Topic

I forgot to tell you to...

Make the Chapter-Thingies Longer - I know I'm not one to talk, but they seem pretty short. You can fix that by...

Adding More Description - I believe Sparta said something like -

Quote:Add more description! Try using all five senses, especially scent, for that can trigger many memories. Also, instead of describing a character all at once, spread it out throughout the story. That way, there isn't an entire paragraph for describing one character.

That last part may have been Temporal, but you get the point...

Speaking of Temporal, I wonder why he hasn't arrived... *shines the Temporal Signal*

can you add a evil character. I have an awsome dude in my mind right now.

Name: NightWarrior (he dosen't have a real name)
Bey: Soul Warrior
He is a prince of a country froma dark and mysterious island. He is really strong at beyblading and he is like the age of ginka but a little bit older. He wears colthes like ryuga but he has a deadly necklace with skulls. He is always angry and destroyes his opponent till they pass out.

pls use this as a evil character.

---

I forgot his special move is Crash of the Titans.

Haven't you heard, he ain't accepting characters anymore!

I do have an idea for a bey, though.

Divine Amaterasu DF105MWF
Clear Wheel: Amaterasu (resembles the Blaze Clear Wheel, only it looks more elegant and is a bright red-orange)
Metal Wheel: Divine (crimson)
Track: Down Force 105
Bottom: Metal Wide Flat

ahhh man. how about you make as a journey enemy. Basically in a part of his journey, he meats him. like ginka and storm capricorn.

Tobio Oike has Storm Capricorn, Ginga's Bey is Storm Pegasus!

Alright NO MORE REQUESTS and I'll try to follow TITAN's and Sparta's rules but it'll take me a little while longer