World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: WBO Writing Tournament Final Round: Temporal Vs. ControL_! Who Will Be Crowned Champ?
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Now, the time has come! Let's finish this thing!

Final Round! Entry 1

Final Round! Entry 2
Now, the choice is yours. Their fate is put in your hands, so what will you do? Who will you vote for? Who will be crowned the champion?

The first to 10 votes wins, so VOTE NOW!
Entry II FTW! I love the way that the character almost seems insane, and has a special connection with his bey. Good job on both of your parts!!
Entry 1!

Really nice description
Yep, have to agree with BBS. Better description Entry 1. I'm voting for Entry 1.
I am voting for entry 1 because it builds a good tension at the end. Enjoys how he compares two characters emotions and the description is incredible.
Ok, now is the broadcasting time!

Entry one and Entry are both really good, as this is the last battle, the left bladers- Temporal and Control_- are surely something.
(Who said this is carp are noobs anyway.)

Now, lets take some summary for these two stories.
Entry one describes the main character enters a tournament to save his brother, however the UBO is controlling the game. The opponent tries to kill him, but he failed, and the secret of UBO s revealed.

This story is very good, as the description is the greatest among all the writings of this tournament.
One thing should be noticed, however, some words are really hard-stuff that I have to use a dictionary.
If he wants elder readers to read, it is a good choice.


The secondary story seems not so dark, the words are simpler compared to story one(except 'pulsates').
However, why is he cuffed at the last? I'm quite confused.
What I have to mention is this story fully describe the main's feelings like have a home, this is the main point.


I'll vote for Entry One.

Also, who gets Ten votes ( not five) will win, so hurry and vote!
I figured this may happen. It seems that Entry Two is a comprehensive closure. Basically, it wraps up a story, and only works if the reader knows what's going on. Without previous chapters, it does indeed seem confusing and it puts off readers. It's a common complaint in stories written in installments, from the Extraordinary Adventures of Alfred Kropp to Harry Potter (To a lesser extent). It's pretty sad to see a contestant take some hits, or any writer, because other parts were not included. I'll PM Sparta about maybe including all previous entries so both chapters make sense.
So, it seems that I didn't read the previous chapters so I'm confused........
Sorry.
It's not even that. Frankly, I already asked Sparta to add in the previous chapters, because Entry two is losing votes due to it being confusing. Hopefully that gets fixed, but the results MAY be too skewed afterwards. It's concerning. Frankly, whoever won a specific round was who had the least mistakes. Once it got this far, it was necessary to add in all entries, but it didn't happen, which was something I didn't really count on. I don't think Control_ did either, really. A writing tournament should be about who took the chapter in the best way possible, not who's is easiest to understand, do you not agree? I just think that if Control_ or I win, it should be because the winner was the better writer, not because previous entries were not included.
Entry 1
I am not sure if the UBA and UBO are different organisations or an error was made. Either way the writer made an error or the UBA really doesn't play much of a part in the story so it was a flaw.
There was great description in the context but some of the big words used seemed to be just shoved in there to show off the author's vocabulary and weren't really to make the story is what I thought.
With the bey stopping Brian from getting hit seemed illogical. You clearly said that many beys were shot at him and the main character intercepted however it didn't really say it stopped all of them, sounded like it was just one. Sooo the other beys would have made contacted unless: 1. the main characters bey hovered in the air in front of Brian's arm OR 2. the other beys launched at Brian all of a sudden did a U-turn in mid-air or dropped straight to the floor then retreated.

Entry 2
The first to sentences didn't seem fit to well with the story. It sounded wise like you were looking for something to get the reader attached straight away but it didn't seem to relevant.
Man Al goes to a scary foster centre, ay? What foster centre has its own police force for kids who escape for a couple of days? It seemed like a not very well thought over idea and seemed a bit weird.

These were both excellent reads but my vote goes to Entry 2
Of course you can not include previous chapters, this is a story with a page limit. If such ridicules were allowed, I should have written endless pages worth.

When did you even get the idea that previous chapters were allowed? The rules haven't changed since round 1, chapters didn't exist/nor were allowed back then, why should they exist now?

When writing a story with a different theme, didn't you think about using the space carefully on a single page, including what should be included and whatnot?

1 page of words allowed, a different theme, a final round.

Imagine this was the first round, where the scenario is exactly the same, you wouldn't have prepared chapters beforehand to enter, that's cheating, so each entry should therefore be somewhat different to the previous one.
I'm...not sure what to do right now...To be honest I was thinking about doing just that, but realize I didn't have all of the entries (The rounds where Temporal took over). So I dropped it.

In the meantime, the score is 1: 5 votes; 2: 5 votes
If new rules are going to be introduced in the middle of a round, both participants should accept the changes, yes?
(Aug. 28, 2011  2:16 PM)ControL_ Wrote: [ -> ]If new rules are going to be introduced in the middle of a round, both participants should accept the changes, yes?
Of course. But it's never going to happen, because doing one thing might hurt the others story, or vice-versa. See my dilemma? You two will never agree to either Uncertain.
With all this non-voting going on, I vote for..... (drum roll) ENTRY 2
Entry one kind of lost me while I was reading it. Entry 2, however, showed great talent in writing and feeling.
Some parts are confusing in Entry 1, I think UBO & UBA is the same thing, but the description and saving the guy's arm because of his brother's past was worth a vote.
Maybe entry two should have spent a paragraph or two summarising the previous chapters then.

My vote goes to entry 1.
(Aug. 28, 2011  9:38 AM)RowDog Wrote: [ -> ]Entry 1
I am not sure if the UBA and UBO are different organisations or an error was made. Either way the writer made an error or the UBA really doesn't play much of a part in the story so it was a flaw.
There was great description in the context but some of the big words used seemed to be just shoved in there to show off the author's vocabulary and weren't really to make the story is what I thought.
With the bey stopping Brian from getting hit seemed illogical. You clearly said that many beys were shot at him and the main character intercepted however it didn't really say it stopped all of them, sounded like it was just one. Sooo the other beys would have made contacted unless: 1. the main characters bey hovered in the air in front of Brian's arm OR 2. the other beys launched at Brian all of a sudden did a U-turn in mid-air or dropped straight to the floor then retreated.

Entry 2
The first to sentences didn't seem fit to well with the story. It sounded wise like you were looking for something to get the reader attached straight away but it didn't seem to relevant.
Man Al goes to a scary foster centre, ay? What foster centre has its own police force for kids who escape for a couple of days? It seemed like a not very well thought over idea and seemed a bit weird.

These were both excellent reads but my vote goes to Entry 2
My point is bolded. You can see it in the votes for Entry One too. People don't necessarily know what's going on unless they remember the WHOLE tournament, which really isn't fair. You may disagree, but it is the truth. I'm not saying that we rewrite EVERYTHING, I'm saying put the other parts in another spoiler. It IS a story, mind you.
Entry 2 FTW!!! Its so passionate, and how a bey can connect with its trainer. Not only is the character in this story in tears, but so am I!! LOL
It's so obvious who has written what now, though it shouldn't really affect the votes.
@ Temporal, I know you made your story relating to previous chapters (which I haven't really read many past tournaments due to it takes a lot of time, this time I voted because it was the final) but it is, if I am correct, supposed to be a new story for each round. The one chapter must explain all of it.
(Aug. 29, 2011  1:10 PM)RowDog Wrote: [ -> ]It's so obvious who has written what now, though it shouldn't really affect the votes.
@ Temporal, I know you made your story relating to previous chapters (which I haven't really read many past tournaments due to it takes a lot of time, this time I voted because it was the final) but it is, if I am correct, supposed to be a new story for each round. The one chapter must explain all of it.
That was my bad, actually. I never really mentioned if the chapters needed to stand on their own or be connected...

Wow, this is a really hard vote. Both of these writers have done a great job and certainly deserve to be here in the finals.

I think I'm going to have to go with entry 2 on this one. I really liked how the writer of it was able to build a consistent story that worked with all of the themes that were given, which could be very difficult. I really like the description that was used in entry 1, but that was about it for me. I didn't really like the story as much as I liked the one used in entry 2. Another thing that sort of threw me off about entry one was that the writer had told us about the Uniformed Beyblade Association at the beginning, which could be shortened to the UBA. But later on, they referred to it as the UBO, which could stand for Uniformed Beyblade Organization. At first when I read it, it sort of confused me due to that, but after re-reading it I started to understand.

Both of these entries are really great, but I vote for ENTRY 2!
(Aug. 29, 2011  1:24 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]
(Aug. 29, 2011  1:10 PM)RowDog Wrote: [ -> ]It's so obvious who has written what now, though it shouldn't really affect the votes.
@ Temporal, I know you made your story relating to previous chapters (which I haven't really read many past tournaments due to it takes a lot of time, this time I voted because it was the final) but it is, if I am correct, supposed to be a new story for each round. The one chapter must explain all of it.
That was my bad, actually. I never really mentioned if the chapters needed to stand on their own or be connected...

Really? I thought you said they had to be connected.
And now, both entries are tied at 5! This is the biggest, closest battle yet!
That's natural. It IS the finals, though I maintain my issue and point. It'd be disappointing if someone simply dominated the whole round, no?
I vote for Entry 1 because it has really nice description.
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