This Is My First Story hope you all Enjoy feel free to give critisime(i hope i spelt that right)..
Chapter 1
''GO Now Mars Falco''Shouted Kyle ''Show me your full power''
'' Dont you know with that pathetic attack you wont even put a scratch on my bey, Go Infinit dragoon finish this now!!'' Said Kai. Kyle and Kai were battling in Twilight at the misty Mountain of Doom. '' What should i do?,if i stand still waiting then i will sleep out but if i go in for an atttack it will waste my Power'' Recounted Kyle in His Head. His Red hat had been blow away by the wind.He was cold he was wearing a Sleeve less jacket,underneath was a black T-shirt. '' Kyle i'll end this now for you, Special move Dragoon Great Iron wall. Try and put a stop to this !'' Kai Was Smirking, while his scarf blowing in the wind.
'' I will wipe that smirk of your face! Seeing how you're going all out I will to,I've still got a trick of my sleeve. Go Now Falco Special move Metal Claw!!!!!'' Mars Falco's eight metal balls on the Metal Wheel Glowed Red, Two metal balls on the Track MB145,(Metal ball 145)went dark purple and His tip R2XF Sped up. Mean While Kai's Infinite Dragoon's metal wheel changed it's rubber spikes went in now the metal one's came out. BOOM!!!!!. There was a massive collision. Both Beys Stoped spinning, there were Two Great holes where in the stadium. '' Falco !!!!!''
''Dragoon!!!'' To Be Continued.......
Hope you enjoyed it Leave comments below im still taking charcter request
i didn't think my story was going to be this bad no 1 has post a comment!!!
Nice work here mate keep it up i really liked it
Thankyou alot chapter will be coming soon
Wow i thought atleast more people would post in this thread
This. This story is a perfect example of why we made the writers handbook. Just because you people have access to a laptop doesn't mean you're a writer. This is honestly one of the worst stories on the WBO. Your grammar is terrible, you separate punctuation from words, there is no description, the action was terrible and the chapter wasn't even half a page.
Oh, and for the love of Kerbeces DON'T DO CHARACTER REQUESTS!
^Use all of this advice and try again, please.
(Aug. 23, 2011 5:53 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]This. This story is a perfect example of why we made the writers handbook. Just because you people have access to a laptop doesn't mean you're a writer. This is honestly one of the worst stories on the WBO. Your grammar is terrible, you separate punctuation from words, there is no description, the action was terrible and the chapter wasn't even half a page.
Oh, and for the love of Kerbeces DON'T DO CHARACTER REQUESTS!
^Use all of this advice and try again, please.
Ya heard the guy...
It's what needs to be said. Sorry if it's harsh, but it's true. Maybe this is what will get him to start writing better. Who knows?
Well OK Thankyou But may i say something!!!!!!!!
First of all im only 9.
2 Zflare3 you can not tell me one my Grammer take a look in the mirror
3 You cant judge this story and say for fact it is rubbish that is your opion and opion and facts are Two Diffrent things
And Thankyou Max D For the comment it nice to now im not judge by my grammer
4 NO One is Perfect OK Thats Fact because i will tell you this If you guys made a story at the age of 9 it would not be perfect
5 lets continue this in PM otherwise this will be Spam and i dont want to get a warning
(Aug. 24, 2011 10:18 AM)BlazingFire Wrote: [ -> ]Well OK Thankyou But may i say something!!!!!!!!
First of all im only 9.
2 Zflare3 you can not tell me one my Grammer take a look in the mirror
3 You cant judge this story and say for fact it is rubbish that is your opion and opion and facts are Two Diffrent things
And Thankyou Max D For the comment it nice to now im not judge by my grammer
4 NO One is Perfect OK Thats Fact because i will tell you this If you guys made a story at the age of 9 it would not be perfect
5 lets continue this in PM otherwise this will be Spam and i dont want to get a warning
1.OH. MY. HARUHI. Please,
DO NOT USE YOUR AGE AS AN EXCUSE! Do you think the 12 year olds who make it to the Olympics used their age as an excuse?!
2. Meh...actually, that's a fair point.
3. ...Sorry, but you should brush up on your skills.
4. No one is perfect, but you should still try to be the best you can. I know this isn't your fullest potential. Go and read the writers handbook, then come back.
5. Don't worry, it's on topic.
I hate it when I give free advice or try to help and people fight back. Makes me think I should just give up
.
Kai-V writes? Since when?
I'm sick of this; this is absolutely stupid. Dude....
Your age is not an excuse! I can write a whole paragraph here right now to prove my (And Sparta's)
point.
Well, take a look at this, Sparta, IS only 15 but....he writes like..a pro. I agree that no one is perfect but there is always improvement. Use MS Word to at least correct your grammar....A 5 year-old mod here, living in Hong Kong, has even better grammar than you...
5. You saw that right. Let's see....I have achieved something even 15-year olds can't do. And that is, write at least an awesome story for my age and for others, do cool graphics, and draw. I'm the best in my class for almost everything. And I'm
10.
This is stupid. Really stupid. If you can't learn, then get the hell out of here. You have potential. Everyone does. They're just not realizing and putting effort in releasing it.
Who's that 5-year old mod here? There's no 5-year old mod here.
....Diamond. He is a mod right?
He is definately not 5-years old, where did you get that from?
Let's take these to PM's now.
(Aug. 24, 2011 10:18 AM)BlazingFire Wrote: [ -> ]First of all im only 9.
Wow, u are only nine and u have a girlfriend (I remember this from the BF/GF thread). I don't mean to be discriminating, if I am, I just find it a little too young. Hell, I'm 15 and never had a GF. But anyway, to stay on topic, just listen to Sparta and everyone else. It'll make ur writing life a hell of a lot easier. And also, when u get some time, read the Writers' Handbook. It'll also make your life easier, in the long run
.
...I will say this once and once only. This is BAD. It is a waste of space, and a useless story that simply pushes the good ones down a page. Listen before yelling, and learn to write like a competent person. Harsh? Yes. Blunt? Yes. True? Hell yes. Hop to it. On age, I've been writing for a while. I could do better at the age of six, so "I'M NINE!!!!!!!" isn't an excuse.
(Aug. 27, 2011 12:34 AM)Temporal Wrote: [ -> ]...I will say this once and once only. This is BAD. It is a waste of space, and a useless story that simply pushes the good ones down a page. Listen before yelling, and learn to write like a competent person. Harsh? Yes. Blunt? Yes. True? Hell yes. Hop to it. On age, I've been writing for a while. I could do better at the age of six, so "I'M NINE!!!!!!!" isn't an excuse.
Hahahaha. As soon as I saw that this story had a new comment from Temporal, I thought
"OH SNAP, HE'S DONE"
I couldn't agree more. Read up and work on it, or don't do it at all.
I take writing seriously. People should never make excuses for their shortcomings. Ever. Just get better, that is all it takes. Effort is more important than talent in my eyes. And this OBVIOUSLY took no effort.
Charter requests? I'll take one! How about make it so NoodooSoup gets free chocolate from any store. Deal?
P.S: It's spelled "character".