World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Full Version: The Sphere Keepers (Bey Story-Stopping All Work For This!)
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
I haven't written a story in a while, and that's because I was saving up for this puppy. Here's a little note on it:

I got this idea from a series of dreams I had for a few days. For some reason, every dream played off the other one (I didn't even think that was possible!), and they all featured beyblades. So, I used the base ideas from these dreams and created this story. I am also going to use some of the ideas I've been saving up (I always do Wink).

Furthermore, since I've never, ever completed any WBO story in my life, I've decided to put away all of my other ones and just focus on this one. That's right, just this story until I finish it. You can expect updates every saturday evening, since that's my least busy day.

With luck, I'll finish in a year or two.

And now, I will end my rambling and simply lift the curtain on the dramatic tale of:

The Sphere Keepers
It has been lost.
It has been taken.
It has been thrown away and forsaken.
It's power is too great,
For any one person,
But by the hands of three,
From it's place it may be taken


Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2-Part 1 (Click to View)
Nice first chapter, I'll be looking forward to the rest ^^
I found one problem:
Sparta Wrote:preform code orange
Should be
Sparta Wrote:perform code orange
, correct?
Just one grammatical error, nothing too bad.
Also, the
Sparta Wrote:It has been lost.
It has been taken.
It has been thrown away and forsaken.
It's power is too great,
For any one person,
But by the hands of three,
From it's place it may be taken
Sounds like a nifty little prophecy, if a prophecy ^^
Nice story Sparta I Like how you made Being grounded serious and Had to make code names.
(Aug. 04, 2011  10:55 PM)Coasters "R" Us Wrote: [ -> ]Nice first chapter, I'll be looking forward to the rest ^^
I found one problem:
Sparta Wrote:preform code orange
Should be
Sparta Wrote:perform code orange
, correct?
Just one grammatical error, nothing too bad.
Yup, you are absolutely correct. Thanks!
(Aug. 04, 2011  10:55 PM)Coasters "R" Us Wrote: [ -> ]Also, the
Sparta Wrote:It has been lost.
It has been taken.
It has been thrown away and forsaken.
It's power is too great,
For any one person,
But by the hands of three,
From it's place it may be taken
Sounds like a nifty little prophecy, if a prophecy ^^
I will plead the fifth for the sake of drama Wink
Uheheheh. "Code Orange". This was pretty funny, but there is one mistake.
Para 1, Line 5- "It wasn't y fault the vase fell and broke, and yet I get grounded. What gives?"
You didn't put the 'm' in my. Otherwise, great start, Sparta.
Ugh, I finished the second half, but it was pretty much all dialogue. Sorry about that, but please comment regardless!
Bumped!

I've already started working on chapter 2, part 1. I'll post it on friday, unless there is more demand for it.
Dang it, you beat me to first-person omniscient. Still, job well done. So this means no more Bus Stops 'til this is done?
(Aug. 07, 2011  6:56 PM)Titan Writer Wrote: [ -> ]Dang it, you beat me to first-person omniscient. Still, job well done. So this means no more Bus Stops 'til this is done?

Yeah, for now I think it's probably best I just focus on one thing. That way, I can put my best foot forward for each chapter.
Meh, I seem to be doing things every time I need to update. I'll change the day to saturday.
I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long while. I'll make the chapter now.
OK, I updated. Critique?
Again, a good start to a story. I have a feeling that pink orb will be important later.

Just one more thing:
You are SO ditching this halfway through or sooner.
(Aug. 18, 2011  2:33 AM)DrigerMV Wrote: [ -> ]Again, a good start to a story. I have a feeling that pink orb will be important later.

Just one more thing:
You are SO ditching this halfway through or sooner.

No, I won't! Promise! Guarantee! The OP doesn't lie!

Yes, it will be. Very much so (As in, read the title Tongue_out_wink)
Alright, guys. Sorry for not updating recently, but I've already started working on the next part of chapter 2. Expect it wednesday-or sooner!
OK, I don't normally do this, but I wrote the chapter in advance to me editing the OP! Amazing, eh? Perhaps it's because I'm thinking about not procrastinating on school assignments...

Anyways, just need to put some final touches on.