World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Does anybody here can read Chinese and can re-write it in English?

no sorry, only japanese, and only kanji japanese, also on the test is it the lower the number the better or the higher

Oh carp.......I have some trouble to rewrite my pokemon story into English.........
I have to depend on myself.

u could use like google translate, but it wouldn't be that accurate

(Aug. 04, 2011  5:34 PM)Nwolf Wrote: [ -> ]u could use like google translate, but it wouldn't be that accurate

Google Translate is rubbish ya know?
Even I'm not really good in english,
That translate translate sentences that doesn't make sense.

yea i see wher your coming from

Ok, I translate it by Google and this is the result:
Chinese(orginal)

Quote:傳說七勇者 The Seven Legendary Heroes

序：黒暗的世界

天色灰暗，毫無生氣。永遠没有明天和希望，只有黑暗和絶望……
這裡，是未來。

(第一人稱----盼羽)

「呼呼……」
我在媽媽----一隻火伊貝-----的懷中，感受着她身上散發的熱力，聽見她因為長時間奔跑而導致的急促的呼吸聲，看着那個急速地向後退的黑暗世界。
「十萬伏特！」
我的爸爸----一隻雷伊貝----在後邊發出高電壓的電撃，把後面窮追不捨的傢伙盡量撃退，務求保護我和媽媽！
「小嵐，我們還要跑多久？十萬伏特快用完了！」
「快了！就在前面的山丘！時空洞就在那！」
我舉頭一看，没錯，前面的山丘上確實有一個像漩渦般的洞穴！
那就是時空洞了！
媽媽放緩了腳步，走近了時空洞，並把我緩緩放下。「快進去吧，盼羽。」
「等等，爸爸媽媽你們呢？你們去哪裏？」
媽媽定了一定，說：「我和爸爸會繼續對抗那些傢伙。」
「不可以啊！媽媽！」我堅定的捉着她的手，「你可能被那些人給……！」
「没關係的，孩子。」她抱起了我，把我慢慢放進時空洞。「妳是唯一能改變世界的小精靈。我們一定要保護妳。」
突然，我感到媽媽身後有一股古怪的氣息，正當我想開口之際，一把鋒利的刀刃插穿了媽媽的身體，連同小段的腸藏被插了出來！
媽媽痛苦的叫了一聲，口中吐出了一口鮮血。
在媽媽的身後，只見一隻飛天螳螂正在邪笑着！
「把『光之子』給交出來！」
「不交！」
「好，敬酒不吃吃罰酒是嗎?」說罷，他無情地把刀刃插得更入，媽媽的傷口裂得更開了！「現在妳交不交出來？」
「媽媽，妳把我交出去吧！」我說，「我不想妳受更大的傷！」
媽媽吐了一口鮮血，對我說道：「不可以啊，孩子。妳要記住改變這個未來，這是為了媽媽，好嗎？」
然後，她轉頭向那飛天螳螂說：「絶不！」她一手把我投入時空洞裏去！
「媽媽--------」 我激動的大叫。
時空洞內的畫面急速的變化，快得令人咋舌。黑色一片的世界，慢慢變得彩色繽紛；死寂一片的草原，出現了生命。
我知道，我正通往過去。
我卻不會忘記，媽媽的身影，慈愛的臉和她最後的一句話。
「妳要記住改變這個未來，這是為了媽媽，好嗎？」
我合上了雙眼，眼淚從眼角流了出來。

「我不會忘記妳的，媽媽！

「 妳永遠是我最尊敬的人！」

English(Google):

Quote:The Seven Legendary Heroes

Order: Black Dark World

Sky gray and lifeless. Never tomorrow and hope, only darkness and despair ... ...
Here is the future.

(First-person ---- hope Yu)

"Whirring ..."
I am a mother ---- ----- fire irbesartan arms, feeling her body radiates heat, because the long run and heard her rapid breathing caused by, looked at the back of the rapidly World of Darkness.
"Thousands of volts!"
My father ---- a ---- Lei Yibei issue in the back of high voltage electrical æ’ƒ to chase the guy back as æ’ƒ back, in order to protect me and my mother!
"Koarashi, we have to run long? Of thousands of volts Express ran out!"
"Soon! In front of the hill! Empty in that time!"
I give the first look, yes, indeed on a hill in front of a cave-like as the whirlpool!
That is, when empty it!
Slow down the pace of her mother, when approached empty, and put me down slowly. "Fast into it, hope feather."
"Wait, Mom and Dad you? You go?"
Mom fixed a certain, said: "I and my father will continue to fight those guys."
"Can not ah! Mom!" I firmly kept on holding her hand, "you may be to those people ... ...!"
"Never mind, child." She hugged me, and I slowly into the empty time. "You only can change the world, elf, we must to protect you."
Suddenly, I felt my mother behind the existence of a strange atmosphere, just as I would like to speak on the occasion, a sharp blade inserted through the mother's body, together with the possession of small pieces of intestine were inserted out!
Mother's cry of pain, mouth spit a mouthful of blood.
Behind her mother, saw a flying mantis is Xie Xiaozhao!
"To" Guangzhi Zi "to pay out!"
"Do not pay!"
"Well, toast Monastic is it?" He finished, he ruthlessly put more into the blade insert, more mother's wound split open! "Now you pay do not pay out?"
"Mom, you go my hand!" I said, "I do not want you hurt by greater!"
Mom spit a mouthful of blood, said to me: "No, ah, child. Niyao remember to change the future, which is to my mother, okay?"
Then she turned unto Flying Mantis said: "Never!" When she put my hand go empty!
"Mom --------" I cried excitedly.
Time and space inside the picture changes rapidly, so fast that is astounding. Black one of the world, slowly becoming colorful; silence a grassland, there has been life.
I know, I was leading in the past.
I will not forget, mother figure, a loving face and her last words.
"Ni Yao remember to change the future, which is to my mother, okay?"
I closed his eyes, tears streaming from his eyes out.

"I will not forget you, mother!

"You will always be the person I most respect!"

Ps, the name of eevee is called Evaria, the translate is still acceptable.

I don't know how to say about this......

that really is carp, lol I have never seen any translations worse

(Aug. 04, 2011  1:11 AM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]

(Aug. 04, 2011  1:04 AM)NoodooSoup Wrote: [ -> ]My characters' results (I only did my main protagonists). You guys might not know them, but still, you'll see that they are balanced.

Kyo (Beyblade: Redemption) - 5

I'll post the rest in a few

Wow, nice score! I think you scored better than Temporal

Seigi...aha, you need some work...

Eh, in that Mary Sue Litmus test in the Writers' Handbook, I got a -3 for Iin Tatsuno from "Where the Angel Sings", and a -1 for Ken from "Andromeda 108". 8 for Terry in the "Convert" series, though that one was kinda expected. I wasn't as good as I am now back then.

Haha, I'm actually writing a present-tense book right now! "Where the Angel Sings" is present-tense, but it's kinda hard to break the urge to use "Did", "Was", "Had", and the such. It's totally worth it, though.

so i'm guessing the lower the score the better the character?

Yup. There's three links in the "State of the YC forums: Help it" thread, if you want to take multiple tests.

well i have already took it and got a score i'm guessing is good tell me if it is:

Arix from 'Drahelix is Born!' = -7

so is that good or average for story writers?

-7?? WHAT THE HELL?!

How is that even possible?! Lol

That's an insane score. Are you sure? Go back and check, that's an incredible score.

well i did it first time and got 95 then i figured out i'd ticked all the wrong boxes -.-"

then i decided that i'd redo it so i redid it and got 1 and then i looked back at the questions to see if i'd missed anything and i got -7

The HARD Square

Aggregate 0072/Norman Fares- 2

Some punitive damage there, I guess that is the price of having a next to morally absent assassin as the main character.

(Aug. 04, 2011  7:54 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]-7?? WHAT THE HELL?!

How is that even possible?! Lol

That's an insane score. Are you sure? Go back and check, that's an incredible score.

I ended up with a -9 for one character from "Broken", but my brother's character from HIS book got...a 130. I laughed at him for about an hour.

so i'm guessing Arix is an amazingly good character idea then?

---

nice work temporal, if you ever need advice on a chapter before you release it just ask me, i think the 5800 views and 202 comments say it all!

Oh! I just posted that book I was talking about, Where the Angel Sings. I'll work on it today, but I don't like having too many errors in something when I post it.

oh yea i read your where the angel sings book and i gotta admit, to me thats publish worthy, you should try send a draft to a publisher, make some money and get your name out there!

Haha, I planned on putting it on Reflux Fiction's site first, but then I can't get much feedback. But I need to put a move on. I mean, I just founded the thing, I can't let it die.

perhaps the people of this thread could advertise it? i will just ask people

Actually, it's kinda my fault. I've hit a bit of a standstill with one story. There's actually two ways I can take the story from the point I'm at, but I can't decide. You see, Andromeda 108 is a...pretty complex book. I thought a bit too far ahead at the beginning, and by the midpoint in the book, not many people liked one character. Hell, I was starting to resent the girl myself, and I was the one who was doing the writing! So, I gave her a pretty flashy exit. Of course, in the middle of a sentence, I realize that if she goes out, one of the other characters, Venus, would undoubtedly follow. So I lost two characters, and one was pretty well-liked, in one chapter. While this made the story harder to manage, it turned out to be the right decision. Frankly, she was kinda holding back some character development due to the snarky attitude she had, so I was finally able to elaborate on one of the newer characters, since I had no motivation for another squabble. How do I counter this? Near-death experience, man! I call it, "The Main Character gets his butt kicked because he actually has to fight for once and gets himself shot!" Again, some people from the University where I spent most of June and July raged quite a bit, but it helps the story in the long run. But enough of that, I'll figure something out today.

hhmm, sounds good enough, anyway i'm wondering if i should start writing my novel again, i sent it to a publisher and they said it was good but then i decided at the time i didn't have enough time to finish the book, i still know one of the publishers, infact shes my gf! lol the story line is this normal guy that faces a near death experience and his guardian spirit appears and saves him, but due to the extent of his damages the spirit has to merge with his heart or it will stop, and due to this he becomes sorta superhuman, and people start avoiding him, then he meets another person like him in the streets accross the road, he can tell they will be rivals from looking him in the eyes. Then The kid ends up attacking him in the park with a blade which has a tribal dragon marking on it. the guy is about to get hit by the blade when he puts up his hand to brace the attack and he sees a flash of light even with his eyes closed, and around his arm he sees a white silhouette surrounding his arm, and the blade touching the light. then the blade shatters and the kid disappears. later on he finds out the white light is his spirit, so what do you think of the idea?

Sounds pretty cliche, to be honest. Character discoverers a new power in a tight situation, been there. Can tell that they are rivals, sounds like a way so you won't have to make them meet. I don't know, I'm not liking it; doesn't sound too original.

Depends on execution. If you make it SOUND original, as far as readers are concerned, it's original, right?