World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Its Been Only 3 Years After The World ChampionShip In G Revolution And Things have been silent in Tyson's Town.Well that is Until the evil oraganation Nebula comes into town.Its Up To the BladeBreakers and these New Bladers that appear the same time Nebula Comes.Right as they appear the BladeBreakers instantly know something is wrong with the New Bladers.What is Nebula up to?,Who are these new Bladers?Find out when I feel like writing some more

:pwn:

Fighting Animals 2

Goo Dragoon Z?!

(Mar. 14, 2009  12:06 AM)Giga Wrote: [ -> ]Goo Dragoon Z?!

what?

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(Mar. 14, 2009  12:04 AM)shikamaru526 Wrote: [ -> ]Fighting Animals 2

Again,what?

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(Mar. 14, 2009  12:04 AM)Bey Brad Wrote: [ -> ]:pwn:

wow a triple what XD

why would you post this if this is all you have to show

(Mar. 14, 2009  12:07 AM)Bey Brad Wrote: [ -> ]why would you post this if this is all you have to show

prolouge.whenever i post a fanfic i post a prolouge

Ahaha, ignore the first two. XD The smiley is kinda relevant though. ^^;

If I'm honest, the plot sounds kinda generic but it was a good prologue. Who knows - it could be a good story. We'll only find out if you write some more.

(Mar. 14, 2009  12:09 AM)Rocky Wrote: [ -> ]Ahaha, ignore the first two. XD The smiley is kinda relevant though. ^^;

If I'm honest, the plot sounds kinda generic but it was a good prologue. Who knows - it could be a good story. We'll only find out if you write some more.

Ok thanks,I will write some more when..as it says in the story when i feel like writing..*looks at clock*well look at the time better get to work

Haha. You take your time, stories are never good if they're rushed. Oh and remember to do school work and stuff too. XD

(Mar. 14, 2009  12:08 AM)BladeBee Wrote: [ -> ]prolouge.whenever i post a fanfic i post a prolouge

Yes, well ... you could post it and the first chapter at the same time. Plus, looking at this, you didn't try very hard to write it. There's numerous grammar and spelling mistakes, and it isn't really a prologue, more like a description of the story. A prologue is the events that occur before a story, so say, the origins of Nebula would be a prologue.

(Mar. 14, 2009  12:13 AM)Rocky Wrote: [ -> ]Haha. You take your time, stories are never good if they're rushed. Oh and remember to do school work and stuff too. XD

Schoolwork/course work. DIE!


It sounds a little predictable, but then again the old beyblade storyline was. When you write it try to put some twists in it, then i'll be interested.
I can't say i'm a big fanfic fan anyways.

It was the day of all days when the 4th annual world championship began..and as always it was Tyson who won but Tyson dident know that he would have the time of his life..well im going a bit ahead so lets start from where Tyson won the championship and headed home.
Tyson-Yeah i won!Im the best in the world for the 4th time in a row,No one can beat me
Hilary-Dont get so Cocky Tyson,Its just a lame Top game
Tyson-..hilary after alllllll that happned in the past..you still think its a lame top game...wow
Kai-Will you 2 shut up!
Ray-I agree with kai...
Kenny-Me 2
Dizzy-I agree aswell
Max-Mhm
Tyson-Sheesh.....
*The bladebreakers finally made it to tyson's house*
Tyson-Well Bladebreakers....and Hilary we finally made it home.
Grandpa-Yo wassup kiddos,did you do major damage at the championship my homes?
Tyson-Grandpa Dont emberass me...
Hilary-Wow he is just like you Tyson
Tyson-Hey hil..
*kai tapes tyson and hilary's mouth shut*
Max--...Kai...where did you get Tape?
*the doorbell rings*
Kai-Saved By the bell
*Ray goes to the door and opens it..at the door is a man dressed in Pink**
*Tyson removed the tape and goes to the door*
Guy in pink-Hello
Tyson-Sorry this isent the Micheal Jackson Fan Club
Guy in Pink-oh sorry then good day
Ray-wow....
*another man in purple steps up to the door*
Tyson-Sorry this isent the Micheal jackson fan club
Guy in purple-what?
Ray-why are you here?
Guy in purple-Im Regal From the department of beyblades im here to To Ask Tyson if he can Test The New Blade by blading against this kid
*a kid steps up to the door*
Kid-Call Me Zeo(no not the Zeo From V force)
Tyson-Well Sure.
*tyson and zeo head to the yard to blade in a portable stadium the guy in purple set up*
Max-3
Ray-2
Tyson-1
Zeo and tyson-Let it rip!
*some beyblade music comes*
Tyson-Go dragoon
(the dragoon blade hits the other blade)
Zeo-How Horriable.Im Not Gonna hold back.Unleash You Self Sonic Z
(it looks like http://www.janime.info/Genex/images/seri...01/193.jpg that)
Tyson-A bit beast!?Well 2 Can play at that game.Storm attack Dragoon!
*dragoon appears and creates a hurricane Lifting the other blade*
Zeo-Sonic Z,Orbit Smash! *Sonic Z Smashes down onto dragoon*
Kenny-Well Dizzy What do you say?
Dizzy-This is weird.there is no data on this blade,no data on the parts of bit beast,this Z Blade..is Unknown
Guy in purple-*whispers Into watch communicater* Activate Bit Beast Data Recorder
Worker guy in the base-Yes Sir Regal
*A Mini Spider Comes and records Data On Dragoon*
*Zeo spots the Spider*
Zeo-Haha! i know you were Bad News,well time for a Double-Cross!!!,Sonic Z destroy that spider
*Sonic Z releases a blast and destroys the spider*
Regal-Grr,I cant belive I trusted you with the Z Beast.*regal talks into the communicator.regal-Boys send a helicopter for me*
*A helicopter comes and drops a rope.Regal climbs up the rope and goes into the helicopter and flys off*
*The Blades return to tyson and zeo*
Everyone but Zeo-What was that?
Zeo-Ill tell you about it Tommorow.
*Zeo runs off with the Z blade*
Zeo-Guess Haze was right.*Zeo Pulls off a phone and calls haze*
Zeo-Haze you were right,and i got the 3 Blades with the Z Beast
Haze-Good Job,Come back to the hideout
Zeo-Will Do
*THE END*

Merged the threads together, you don't get a new thread for each part. As for the work itself ... well, it's pretty unreadable. Have you ever read a book before? They're not laid out like scripts. This is just "talking heads."

So this is more of a script for a beyblade episode than an actual fanfic?
I found it kinda amusing but you might wanna make it longer.....theres a lot more that could be decribed such as emotions, actions, the battle? And the mini-spider is, well, not that original.
The beginning just reminded me of a typical day on the WBO. XD

Really, you should try describing the bit beast rather than post an image. That's kind of the point to a written composition.

You might also want to clean certain things up a bit. It seems like the dialog is a little...rushed, I want to say. You may want some more description on the actions. And if they've already used to the name Zeo in the series, why recycle it without explanation?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, this made me lawl out my guts!!!
I can see it now, Beyblade: The Nebula arc. lol

(Mar. 15, 2009  1:58 PM)Deikailo Wrote: [ -> ]Really, you should try describing the bit beast rather than post an image. That's kind of the point to a written composition.

You might also want to clean certain things up a bit. It seems like the dialog is a little...rushed, I want to say. You may want some more description on the actions. And if they've already used to the name Zeo in the series, why recycle it without explanation?

Cause he is a robot. ZO for the win.

lol I actually kinda like this story

(Mar. 15, 2009  3:35 PM)shikamaru526 Wrote: [ -> ]AHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, this made me lawl out my guts!!!
I can see it now, Beyblade: The Nebula arc. lol

It would be a sequel to vforce, basically.

But if this was more descriptive, carried a little more information, possibly some foreshadowing, take Dizzy out, I could see this possibly being good.

If you make Tyson lose, I'd read this.

He had me at first lost me around when Zeo said go sonic z/ the michael part

Tyson-..hilary after alllllll that happned in the past..you still think its a lame top game...wow
Kai-Will you 2 shut up!
Ray-I agree with kai...
Kenny-Me 2
Dizzy-I agree aswell

(Mar. 15, 2009  8:35 PM)Bey Brad Wrote: [ -> ]Tyson-..hilary after alllllll that happned in the past..you still think its a lame top game...wow
Kai-Will you 2 shut up!
Ray-I agree with kai...
Kenny-Me 2
Dizzy-I agree aswell

LOL. Pleonasm to the max.

(Mar. 15, 2009  6:27 AM)BladeBee Wrote: [ -> ]Max-3
Ray-2
Tyson-1
Zeo and tyson-Let it rip!
*some beyblade music comes*

My favourite part of the story.
What music plays? Who cares, its beyblade music!

(Mar. 15, 2009  8:33 PM)Hero Wrote: [ -> ]He had me at first lost me around when Zeo said go sonic z/ the michael part

You could read it that far in?

I got lost around fourth world championship, and then picked it back up around helicopter. I just saw what looked like second season filler in between the rest along with mauled dubbing.

I think Nelvana might want to draft this kid. He follows their style quite well.

I love fanfics. :o