Just another one. Villanelle. Iambic Pentameter. Yeah...
"Sombre"
There is no light when you are not around;
The fog is dense with the stiff evening air
And though I feel you, you cannot be found.
By the weight of absence I have been drowned,
Snuffed out like the setting sun's flagrant flare;
There is no light when you are not around.
At night when I feign sleep there is a sound;
Your voice echoes and I swear you are there
And though I hear you, you cannot be found.
Yet still I keep my ear pressed to the ground,
In hopes that you have somehow heard my prayers;
There is no light when you are not around.
Despite the distance, through love we are bound;
One day we will wake up from this nightmare,
But even through love, you cannot be found.
Like voices on a string we are now wound,
Bound as one; an inexorable pair.
There is no light when you are not around
And though I am you, you cannot be found.
Iambic? That's new for you. Feeling Shakespearean today? JK, but a quick question.
Seriously dude, are you published? You should be, these are very deep and creative poems. My hypothetical hats are off to you.
Yaa, Feeling Shakespearean today?
I kid, You are like the greatest! I love your poems and you should make stories to!
Villanelles are tough to write, so I have to give you many kudos for writing a few. As a suggestion, your poetry tends to be...similar. What I mean is that your poems often share the same kind of writing style. Whether you want to change that or not is your choice, because it doesn't affect the quality of your material. I only think it would present a little bit of a challenge to try and write differently, because that is hard to do for most poets and writers.
Nice poem, I can really relate to the feelings of the narrator, being lost without love. Erm, rather, feeling lost because your love isn't around.
A bit off topic, my favorite Villanelle is "The Dying of The Light". Actually, is that what it's called? I can't remember the title, but it was a great poem.
Ga'Hooleone Wrote:Iambic? That's new for you. Feeling Shakespearean today? JK, but a quick question.
Seriously dude, are you published? You should be, these are very deep and creative poems. My hypothetical hats are off to you.
Iambic is hardly new for me, most of the stuff I write is in iambic pentameter because it's my favorite form.
No, I've never been published, but that's probably due more to the fact that I've never submitted any of my work to any websites or magazines or anything like that. To be honest, I am not very confident in my work. I know that it's good, but I don't feel that it's
good enough, if that makes any sense. Probably irrational, but it's still how I feel.
Sasukia Wrote:Yaa, Feeling Shakespearean today?
I kid, You are like the greatest! I love your poems and you should make stories to!
I have written some stories. A couple of novels, in fact. I just generally don't have the time or determination to write anything longer than poetry these days.
(Jun. 05, 2011 7:34 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]Villanelles are tough to write, so I have to give you many kudos for writing a few. As a suggestion, your poetry tends to be...similar. What I mean is that your poems often share the same kind of writing style. Whether you want to change that or not is your choice, because it doesn't affect the quality of your material. I only think it would present a little bit of a challenge to try and write differently, because that is hard to do for most poets and writers.
I don't really know what you mean here. Could you be a little more specific? What exactly about them is too similar? Is it the subject matter, or just the general form that I write in? I'm confused...
Sparta Wrote:A bit off topic, my favorite Villanelle is "The Dying of The Light". Actually, is that what it's called? I can't remember the title, but it was a great poem.
No, it's actually called "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night".
(Jun. 06, 2011 4:31 AM)Roan Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 05, 2011 7:34 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]Villanelles are tough to write, so I have to give you many kudos for writing a few. As a suggestion, your poetry tends to be...similar. What I mean is that your poems often share the same kind of writing style. Whether you want to change that or not is your choice, because it doesn't affect the quality of your material. I only think it would present a little bit of a challenge to try and write differently, because that is hard to do for most poets and writers.
I don't really know what you mean here. Could you be a little more specific? What exactly about them is too similar? Is it the subject matter, or just the general form that I write in? I'm confused...
Sparta Wrote:A bit off topic, my favorite Villanelle is "The Dying of The Light". Actually, is that what it's called? I can't remember the title, but it was a great poem.
No, it's actually called "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night".
Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to build off of what the others were saying, about your "Shakespearian" type of poetry. I think it would be interesting to see you write poetry differently, or even more out of your spectrum, a poem about war or death.
Oh, and you're right. I looked it up on the internet and saw the name.
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light!" sorry, but that was a cool line...
(Jun. 08, 2011 4:37 AM)Roan Wrote: [ -> ] (Jun. 07, 2011 8:15 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ]Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to build off of what the others were saying, about your "Shakespearian" type of poetry. I think it would be interesting to see you write poetry differently, or even more out of your spectrum, a poem about war or death.
I've written all kinds of other stuff, you just probably haven't seen it. Here are some examples of my "spectrum":
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...ality.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...-pill.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...ntasm.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...-loss.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...fidel.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...still.html
http://ryansbigbookofpoetry.blogspot.com...widow.html
Yeah... I write about a lot of things, but lately my writing has been based in/on love because that's what's been on my mind the most.
Oh...I guess I stand corrected, then!
By the way, was it just me, or did anyone else think that Roan was trying to write a poem in spanish, and it was called sombre (pronounced SOMB-rei), not the english spelling sombre (SOM-br)?
The title is actually a play on words, and you're close -- I used the french word for dark, "Sombre", which when pronounced sounds like the English word "Somber".
Double-entendres, woo.