" NNNOOOO! Don't die Daddy!!!" screamed Lance. " I'm sorry son but i guess... this is where we depart." Alex said. Lance didn't dare cry near his father. Alex told Lance that when his time came, to not cry, but stand up tall. Alex wanted to give his father that. " Lance, before i die i want you to have this." Alex opened his hand and handed a bey to Lance. "Whu..whu why are you giving me this Daddy? You never let it out of your sight." Alex coughed loudly. " Because Lance... I trust you with it. Now you will honor that bey and protect it with your life. Do, you understand son?" " Yes i do Dad and i know what it can do." Lance held the bey in the air. A sudden energy came from the bey. It went right into Alex's heart. Alex screamed but Lance wouldn't stop the bey from doing its job. Alex died then, after the energy had retreated into the bey. Thus Lance was the keeper of the Bey of Life. He also had the job of protecting people from the bey of Death.
so wat do you guys think. that is the first chapter.
i will post more every few days if it becomes popular.
wait till you hear the second chapter.
I enjoyed it. I'll be waiting for the next one.
It seems that the story is about death.....I'll be glad to bite you to death.
ya the story is supposed to be based around death and life. i have already come up with some things for chapters farther down the road. chapter two will probably be up tommorow or thursday. that is just an estimate.
Here is chapter 2 decided to put it up early.
BOOOMM!!! The bey shattered to peices. " Whu whu what?! How'd i lose?" Said the blader. " You lost because you are weak!!" The hooded man chuckled and his mouth turned into an evil smile. " Why did you challenge me you fool? You can't blade for your life." The hooded man chuckled again. He raised his hand an slashed it through the air diagonally. The man's bey lifted into the air. A portal of somesort opened with the bey in the middle. The blader was struck by a dark energy to the heart.The hooded figure grabbed the blader's neck and threw him through the air. The blader's body stopped mid air and started to float. The blader grew weaker by the microsecond. The hooded man raised his arm and closed it into a fist. The blader then screamed and became motionless. The hooded figure let the body down and walked off through the night. He was the death blader.
how was that for a second chapter. good right.
" Another person has been found dead. it is said he died last night. For some reason all the people are beybladers.now back to ted at the studio" Said the reporter. " Oh man jessica, who is doing this." Said Lance. " I dont know. I dont think i want to find out either. What about you?" Said Jessica. " Na, I dont want to know either." lance knew who it was doing this but he couldnt tell his best freind. " Hey i gotta go jess, that good with you?" " Ya its fine but where ya goin?"
" Um nowhere just to my place. Why?" " Oh no reason." Lance walked out the door. he started to run then he sprinted. " Gotta get home gotta get home." WHOOSH!! " AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Lance screamed in pain. He had been hit in the side but by what. Lance turned and looked around. There was a hooded man standing there . OH NO.
third chapter done
(Mar. 30, 2011 2:29 AM)maroyasha Wrote: [ -> ]Here is chapter 2 decided to put it up early.
BOOOMM!!! The bey shattered to peices. " Whu whu what?! How'd i lose?" Said the blader. " You lost because you are weak!!" The hooded man chuckled and his mouth turned into an evil smile. " Why did you challenge me you fool? You can't blade for your life." The hooded man chuckled again. He raised his hand an slashed it through the air diagonally. The man's bey lifted into the air. A portal of somesort opened with the bey in the middle. The blader was struck by a dark energy to the heart.The hooded figure grabbed the blader's neck and threw him through the air. The blader's body stopped mid air and started to float. The blader grew weaker by the microsecond. The hooded man raised his arm and closed it into a fist. The blader then screamed and became motionless. The hooded figure let the body down and walked off through the night. He was the death blader.
how was that for a second chapter. good right.
Death Blader is a good name for the hooded man.Unlike Rejii on Beyblade Metal fusion, who "kills" people beys, Death Blader actually kills the blader.
Nice story so far. I like ch.2 the most at the moment.
Cool! That is good, you are a good writer. Can I have a request please?
Name: Jesse
Bey: Reborn Aries S130 W2D [Reborn is 10 blades like the spikes on Flame]
Personality: Quiet and intelligent.
Special move: Sword breaker Left/Right [changes direction while attacking an opponent and does extreme amount of damage]
Tag team special move: Return from R.I.P [makes a stationary teamate start spinning again, hence the name Reborn Eryx.]
i like it but before i take it into the story i orgot to say i would like a new name that hasnt been used like zues or medusa or orion or pluto something alongthose lines like use a greek name for it
(Apr. 01, 2011 10:22 PM)maroyasha Wrote: [ -> ]i like it but before i take it into the story i orgot to say i would like a new name that hasnt been used like zues or medusa or orion or pluto something alongthose lines like use a greek name for it
I'll give you a whole list of the ones I learned in school:
Ajax
Basil
Athan
Eryx
Minos
Obelix
Zeth
Xenos
(Apr. 01, 2011 10:33 PM)Vongola-Hibari Wrote: [ -> ] (Apr. 01, 2011 10:22 PM)maroyasha Wrote: [ -> ]i like it but before i take it into the story i orgot to say i would like a new name that hasnt been used like zues or medusa or orion or pluto something alongthose lines like use a greek name for it
I'll give you a whole list of the ones I learned in school:
Ajax
Basil
Athan
Eryx
Minos
Obelix
Zeth
Xenos
thanks for the nmaes dude
chapter 4
"Wh- Wh-Who are you?!" asked Lance. The hooded man took out a beylauncher, attached a bey and shot it. It went straight for lance's heart. Lance jumped behind a tree. It went straight through the tree above his head. " What the heck is happening!!!" Lance jumped up and ran. Five more hooded figures jumped in front of him. They all had beys. Then they shot them at Lance. He dodged them. The beys hit the trees behind Lance. It came down at Lance.Lance put his arms up.He caught the tree in his hands. " UUHHH what do you want?" " Your life." said the lead hooded figure. The tree then split in half and a portal opened up. It was fiery and full of dark energy. Out walked 10,20,30,40,50,60- 100 hooded figures. Lance braced himself for what was going to happen next. The hooded figures shot all their beys. WWHHOOSSHH!! There was a sudden light energy going around him rapidly. The bey he forgot about it. Then there was a giant explosion. Lance flew back and was unconcious.
how was that
chapter 5
Lance came to about 2 hours later. He was laying on a couch in some persons home. " Wh- wh- where am i?" A kid walked out of another room about 15 like lance. " This is my place. Make yourself at home." said the kid. " Ok. who are you?" Lance said. " the names Jesse. Whats yours." " My names Lance, nice to meet you Jesse." Lance got up and started walking. Then he fell to the ground. Lance stood back up. Jesse nodded for a chair. Lance sat down while Jesse wrapped up his leg. " So took quite a beating didnt ya Lance." " ya i guess. I dont remember mucg of what happend but i remember a hooded figure." lance stood up with his leg wrapped. " Blade with me!" said Jesse. Jesse held out a bey. " Meet Reborn Aries." jesse said. lance took out his bey and was ready to blade. " 3...2...1...GO SHHHOOOTT!!' They both yelled.
so that is chapter 5
Chapter 4 had suspense at it's peak. That was totally unexpected.
i guess that means you like it
Cool. Sorry I didnt get back to you on that, I take a break every weekend.
chapter 6
"3.....2...1.....GO SHOOT!" " Go Reborn Aries!!" Yelled Jesse. Reborn Aries went straight for The bey of life. " Go Heaven Zues." Screamed Lance. Heaven Zues went right by Reborn Aries. The beys went back and forth. " What is going on, why is heaven Zues gaining speed." said Jesse. " Oh that's just Heaven Zues' ability. Lasting Life. Unless you can figure out how to beat that ability you are done for." Exclaimed Lance. " Go Heaven Zues!! Special move Stairway to heaven!!!" Yelled Lance. Heaven Zues started glowing then it rammed into Reborn Aries. Reborn Aries went flying through the roof of the house and through the clouds. The it came down and stopped spinning. " Sorry but I guess you lost Jesse" Said Lance. " I see so that is how you do it." Said Jesse. " Do what?" Asked Lance. " Always win of course but can you beat my boss." " huh what are you talki-" " My boss is your dad." said jesse. " but his soul was put into te bey of life. that is impossible." " I beg to differ son."
how is that good right
I have a character
Name:Zues Electra (Male)(Good)
Bey: Thunder Hydra D125MD (Defense) (Thunder is like Pre-HWS Libra wheel)
Personality:Friendly and excitable
Age:13
Special Move:Lightning Snake Barrage(The bey surges with electricity making it impossible for the opposing bey to attack without losing a lot of spin power)
Lance broke down crying. his dad lifted his launcher and attached a bey. " I think you should run at this point son." Lance got up. he took out Heaven Zues. he shot it straight at his former dad. There was a black streak through the air. Heaven Zues was flying through the air. " meet Terror Pluto. the death bey." Wha wha what." said Lance. terror pluto went straight for heaven zues. Then there was a streak of red and yellow that went betwwen the two beys. they both went flying into the walls. they stopped spinning. two beys were clashing so fsat you couldnt make them out. then jumped in a person. jessica!! jessica and her bey ultimate hera were battling jesse and reborn aries. " go Ultimate Hera special move Thousand god Strike." reborn aries went flying hit the wall and stopped spinning. ' you idiot you hit a gas pipe and the stove and oven are running!!!" screamed jesse. everybody stood there for a moment. " RRUUUNNN!!!!!" screamed lance. lance grabbed jessica by the arm and ran with her. they both ran five feet from the house then jumped down. the house exploded stuff went flying. no one could've survived that. were jesse and the death blader still in there.
to be continued....
chapter 7 done.
just so you know this is not the end of the series there is more to come
chapter 8
" jess that can't be it can it. there is no way this is where it ends." said lance. " I dont know lance, they might have gotten out but no one can survive that." said jess. Lance looked around no movement. wait there was a body over there wait no two bodies. jesse and the death blader. lance ran over to see if they were alive. Jesse was knocked out and the death blader was dead. " I guess this is where it en-" Lance gasped he was being choked by the death blader. " this is not where it ends boy!!" yelled the death blader. The death blader kicked lance in the stomach and he went flying. Lance landed in the rubbage of what was the house they were just in. he hit a pipe. " AAAHHH!!!" screamed lance. then he fell to the ground with a thud. " It..uh Will end here death blader." mumbled lance. " you really think that boy, that is will end here. you are sadly mistaken then." the death blader jumped in the air towards lance. he was going to land on him." AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" the death blader's side was bleeding. Lance had shot heaven Zues at the death blader. the death blader went flying back through the air but came right back at Lance. the death blader clenched his fist and swung.
to be continued...
chapter 8 totally done and awesome
chapter 9
"AAAAHHHH!!" screamed the death blader. The death blader's fist made contact but not with Aaron. But with Jess. Jess fell to the ground. "What the H. You might be a Detah Blader but you still can't hit a girl." yelled Lance.The Death Blader looked confused. " Wait..What she jumped in front of you. I Oh my gob. Shut up." said the death blader. Jess looked up at Lance. Lance looked back at her. Jess smiled and Lance smiled back. Lance kept arguing with the Death Blader. Jess started crawling towards a bey. It was the death bey. She grabbed it. " Hey Death Blader look!" screamed Jess. the Death Blader turned around. CRACK!! Jess snapped the Death Bey in half. "NNNNOOOOOOO!!" screamed the Death Blader. The bey dissapeared into thin air. Then there was a strong wind. Then the Death Blader fell into a pile of ashes and was swept through the wind." Jess fell to the ground then she blacked out and so did Lance.
Final chapter
A few weeks later...
"Man I still can't beleive we defeated the death blader. Ya know what happend to Jesse?" said Lance. Jess shrugged her shoulders. Lance got up from his stool at the counter of the ice cream parlor. "Jess I have this feeling that it isn't over yet." said Lance. Jess shrugged again. Lance and Jess walked out the door and waved to eachother and they both went home.
" Rise my leader. Rise oh great Death Blader." the pile of ashes lit up. The Death Blader was suddenly standing there. " I shall have my revenge on that boy." said the Death Blader.
there will be a second one just wait it will be awesome
i dont get it who is jess and how did the death blader come in and death blader isnt supposed to be sorry for hitting a girl i dont get it
(May. 17, 2011 9:36 AM)storm pegusas5 Wrote: [ -> ]i dont get it who is jess and how did the death blader come in and death blader isnt supposed to be sorry for hitting a girl i dont get it
did you read the whole story
Jess- Lance's best friend
Death Blader- typically came from hell
Hmm....interesting. Like most writers on the WBO, you use a lot of dialogue and not enough detail. Try to describe things, but make it subtle.
Interesting plot line, though.