World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

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this is my first story,so it may not be good.

prologue:

Ryan was running.he was late for a tourney.he kept running and running,until he reached the B-PIT,and saw allot of bladers.''phew!I made it!''said Ryan.he saw allot of stalls,mostly selling beyblade parts and gadgets.

a meter away of Ryan,there is his friend,Dan.he was looking for pieces,while carrying his bey(which i will introduce in chapter 1).

I will continue this tomorrow

and tell me what you think
it seems alright but not really an interesting prologue.
(Mar. 29, 2011  3:47 PM)gigablader98 Wrote: [ -> ]this is my first story,so it may not be good.

prologue:

A boy named Ryan was sprinting across the streets.He was late for a tourney.He kept running and running,until he reached the B-PIT,and saw alot of bladers.''phew!I made it!''said Ryan.He saw alot of stalls,mostly selling beyblade parts and gears.
A meter away of Ryan, there is his friend, Dan. He was looking for pieces too ,while carrying his amazing bey(which i will introduce in chapter 1).

I will continue this tomorrow

and tell me what you think

Fixed. Just telling to improve your Grammar, the rest you do on your own as I can't help you all the time.

And your story is too short and boring try to make it long and more interesting.
It's really, really bad.

Listen, the prologue is what's supposed to interest the readers. It's meant to be exciting and intriguing, to create tension and drama, which will lead to the general public wanting to read more of the story.

What does your prologue have, really? A kid named Ryan who's running, running, running? Not exciting. His friend Dan? Not exciting. A tournament? Not new.

Nothing grabs the reader's attention. We have no reason to care about your story. Prologues are meant to introduce the plot and the plot is supposed to be interesting. What's the plot, here?

Ryan is a beyblader, he goes to a tournement and sees his friend Dan.

Nothing else? Really?