Chapter 1- I looked back. The house was full of flames and screams. I knew i was the only one to escape the wrath of Myaga and the golden bey. It's lucky I had the other golden bey. Their was no turning back. I had to abandon the house........
5 years later.....
"Wake up Keisuke!", said my foster mother Akada, "You're going to be late for beyblade lessons!". "Do i have to Mom?" I asked. "Well if you want to control your bey you should" she replied. "Fine," I moaned. I walked down the stairs. My mom was right. I do need to control my bey. After all, it is the legendary golden bey. I looked at it. My Magestical Auriga GB230WB/WD. The tiny golden cannons that shot out tiny golden bullets looked as shiny as ever . It looked as golden as ever. Anyways, I quickly ate some pancakes and swallowed down some milk then rushed out the door. I turned down Main Street and took the bus to the outskirts of town. From there, I walked into the forest until I saw the the big,blue dome. It was my school, Hakashi's Beyblade Academy. It wasn't your everyday school. They focused on Math and Science, and how to improve your skill in beyblading. You had to qualify to get in. Only 20 people make it each year. There are four classes of 5. I got to class on time. My everbody was already in their seats for the assembly. The principal, Omani Hakashi was giving a lecture. I never really listened to them. I went to my first period class of Math with Mr. Takoshi. He kept on going on and on about linear equations and exponents, and how they compact on your beyblade. I never really listen to him either. In fact, I don't really listen to any of my teachers exept one time in Chinese, when we were talking about the Chinese style of beyblading. The reason I never listen to any of my teachers is because I already know all of this stuff, so it is pretty much useless to me. The only time I'm actually paying attention is when we have free time to beyblade. I spend all my time trying to control my beyblade. I know i will never succeed. Or will I? (end of chapter)
This sucks. Nobody even posted. Not even 1 single post.
My farewell adress-Yes, I retired, from the lack of posts I was getting. I got very frustrated when people stopped posting on my stuff. I know I'm the only person who is posting and probably even looking at this. From the lack of inspiration I stopped writing. I am very sad and miserable at the fact that fellow bladers, like me, are shunning my work. You should have seen my face when I saw that people stopped posting. Yes I was really sad, but I did not actually cry. Thank you to the people who posted on my stories, but I am kind of mad at you guys, because you stopped posting. Farewell to my writing career.
-Masamune Unicorn
Chapter 2
I walked up to the stadium. This would be my last year at this school. I knew I had to do this. I had never got higher than a 10 on my finals. I could never control my bey. But something felt different. There felt like there was a power waiting to be released. I was not going to turn back now. I took out my green bey launcher, green pointer, green beylauncher, and my green angle compass. I measured the exact angle. A trickle of sweat came down my forehead. Then I did it. "3,2,1 GO SHOOT!", I yelled. Suddenly I could actually control my beyblade! It was amazing. I felt like I had accomplished my life. I even came up with a special move. "Go Auriga, special move, Auriga Thunder Chariot!". My bey lit up with electricity, and charged at a stick in the stadium, which burned into ashes after it was hit. Eventually, It caught some people's attention. One of them, who I think name was Kevin, spoke up. "You got pretty sweet moves. Why don't you show them in a battle against me, Kevin!" He said. I said " I will never back down from a challenge! I accept!". Kevin got out his launcher and his bey Shooting Star Pegasis. We started the countdown. "3,2,1 GO SHOOT!", we cried as we ripped our beys into the stadium. *CRASH*. The beys collided. His beyblade was an attack type. This wasn't going to be a problem since I was a defense type. But it wasn't. Kevin did not waste any time. "Pegasis, Attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he commanded. Luckily I changed to wide ball at the last seconds and dodged the attack. I changed back to wide defense. Suddenly, Pegasis went of the rim of the stadium and into the air. A few seconds later, it came down and tried to make contact but he missed. I thought it was over for him, but he was still spinning. Then Kevin decided to use his special move. "Pegasis, Shooting Star Overdrive!" he said. Then I decided to use mine, too. "Thunder Chariot!' I said. There was a big explosion and when the smoke cleared we could see the result. (end of chapter)
Biographies-
Name: Keisuke Itashi
Bey:Magestical Auriga GB230WB/WD. The Magestical wheel is mainly round with a few bumps and spikes. The Auriga wheel has chariot all around it. GB is for Golden Bullets. On the spintrack are tiny golden cannons that shoot out golden bullets at the opponent. Performance tip switches from Wide Ball to Wide Defense.
Appearence: A denim jacket with a blue shirt that says WBBA on it.He has blue scattered hair(looks a bit like Hiro's hairstyle). White skin, blue eyes, and blue converses with dark blue laces.
Personality: Kind and considerate. He has a high amount of focus. Can get a little emotional at times since his parents Hakashi(His dad) and his mom Hikaru. He can be a real threat at times since he has the golden bey.
Special Move: Thunder Chariot. bey lights up with electricity, and charges at the bey. Is a very powerful move
name:kevin hagata
bio:a nice,caring,and protective(of his friends but excepically of his bey he will not even let someone touch it) 12 year old boy who's bey contains a terrifing power(it a good power but it is very terrifying because it is so strong)he wears black jeans,black shirt with a pegasis symbol HE IS A GOOD GUY
bey:shooting star pegasis(the second clear wheel version)aw85r2f
special move:shooting star overdrive
the bey goes around the oppenent in a circle and gets covered in a black energy that has little specks of sliver that looks like stars and the track gets covered in black fire and hits them six times from all sides but on the 6th hit my bey hits the spin track and send them flying upward then pegasis jumps up smashs them down to the ground and then pegasis goes straghit down and the metal wheel and track hits the face bolt
.aw85 stands for attack wings 85 so its pretty much uw145(killer beafowls track) except the track height is lowered and the sides of the have spikes on them also it is made of metal.also the wings on the track come right to the end of the metal wheel and on my command and during my special move the wings get covered with black fire .the metal wheel is pretty much vulcan except each of the wings has 3 slighty curved spikes and in bewteen the spaces of the spikes about 3 millimeters below that space are slighty curved spikes that are set the exact oppsite way.lastly during battle pegasis can swich from left spin to right spin.
beyblade bio:has tremdously super amazing smash attack and aw85 shreds anything that touchs it
You should go into detail about the setting. The entire story has more information about how the school is run than detail about the character and setting. Focus on having us feel like we're in that world. Your work lacks that completely.
It can be a good story - you have basic English mechanics down.
Just a helpful tip for that:
Whenever I write, I try to focus on the five senses. Think of what the character is seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling or hearing. For example, when the house burns down, he must have felt the burning flames, smelled the smoke, tasted the lingering ash in the air, heard the crackle of the wood giving in, and saw the end of a home. Go into how his chest was pounding, his shaking, hands, that sort of thing.
Chapter 3
It was a tie! My heart was pounding from the battle. My face was hot and sweaty. So was Kevin's. "You are pretty good", he said panting," How about we have a rematch?". I was about to accept when a scrawny, and fast boy sprinted toward the meadow away from the academy where me and Kevin had been battling. He halted to a stop and in a shaky voice he said,"Quick, guys, we have found something that I think will interest both of you.". We both shrugged. I wasn't really sure if it was going to be a waste of time or not. From Kevin's face it seemed that he was thinking the same thing. I decided to, because it actually might be something that would interest me. So did Kevin. We walked to the forest silent. I was to busy thinking. Kevin was to busy chewing gum. My stomach started to get a little tingling in it. But once we got into the forest and the boy finally showed what it was, it all came flooding back to me. The burning house. The screams and yells. The panicked people. The smokey air. It was all right here. It was burnt to crisp and smelled like rotten anchovies. There were still a few burnt pieces of wood and some artifacts. When I looked over to Kevin, pale skin and watery eyes. It seemed like he recognized this place to. But the weirdest thing was about to happen. The boy came up to us and showed us a picture. It was titled Keisuke and Kevin. Kevin had fainted. I had barfed. How could this have happened? I thought no one had come out of the house besides me? Under the picture I saw me with my brother from about one year before the fire. I knew my brother Kevin, except he didn't look anything like he does now. The boy poured some cold water over Kevin. "What's your name anyways?" I asked the boy. "Corey," he responded. We walked back to the campus and got our stuff together. Me Kevin and happened to live in the same neighborhood. We were all speechless, except Corey. He seemed excited, and wanted to go back there tomorrow. Finally I got to my house. "See you at school tomorrow!" called out Corey. Me and Kevin were still speechless. (end of chapter) Please make character requests. Thanks!
4 character requests
Name: Izuma Inzori
BeyBlade: starts with: Silent Ninja MSBSCH85 RHF/RS, final form is: Silent Samurai MKSCH85 WRHF/RWD
BeyBlade description:
Face: A shuriken in the middle, between two kantanas and the writing SAMURAI for Silent Samurai and NINJA for Silent Ninja (color: all decals black on silver background)
Silent: think of Lightning with the multi hit mode (renamed Rapid Strike mode) as thick shurikens, and upper mode (renamed Slice mode) as a kantana (color: un-painted)
Samurai: think of Kerbecs + L-Drago I with the 'rings' as shurikens and the dragon heads as kantanas (color; silver)
Ninja: same as Samurai except that the dragon heads are shaped like kunai (color: silver)
MKSCH85: Metal Kantana Spring Change Height 8.5mm – 11.0mm, same as MSBSCH85 except that the Shuriken Blade is changed with 4 kantanas (color: translucent silver for the plastic, un-painted metal for the “bladesâ€)
MSBSCH85: Metal Shuriken Blade Spring Change Height 8.5mm-11mm, think of CH120 with an external shell resembling a shuriken made of metal, when lose, MSBSCH85 can bounce due to the spring within the core of MSBSCH85.
RHF/RS: Rubber Hole Flat / Rubber Sharp (can change during combat at Izuma’s command)
WRHF/RWD: Wide Rubber Hole Flat / Rubber Wide Defense (can change during combat at Izuma’s command (color: translucent silver for plastic, black for the rubber))
Super Attacks:
Level 1: “Silent death,†Silent Samurai disappears and hits opponent with a million kunai and shuriken and kantanas
Level 2: “100 Slices of The Samurais’’,†the Metal Shuriken shell on MSBSCH85 swells and smashes the opponent’s bey 100 times, on the 99th time, Silent Ninja halts and circles the stadium 10 times, cheating a black hurricane that flips the opposing bey out of the stadium with a insanely powerful smash from Silent Samurai.
Level 3: N/A
Level X: “Infinite Blade†Samurai appears and slices at the opponent’s bey with such speed and power that the opposing bey instantly stops and flies out of the stadium 10 meters away, breaking it in half. (Last resort, can only be used three times in a year!)
Team attack 1: “Hydro Kantana Blitzâ€: Team attack with Hydro Narwhale: Narwhale lifts Samurai, Samurai creates a kantana and Narwhale adds high pressure water jets to it, they attack together, while Samurai slices with the kantana, narwhale flips and uses water jets to grind the opponent’s clear wheel, and increase its spin velocity, causing the opponent’s bey to completely stop by Narwhale’s grind or get KOed by Samurai’s attack
Team attack 2: “Electric Kantana Diveâ€: Team attack with Electric Berserker: Berserker goes around Samurai as a shield while circling the stadium (like the moon is Berserker, earth is Samurai and the centre of the stadium id the sun) and then Samurai shoots up in the sky, descending with Samurai spinning a kantana charged with lightning and Berserker keeping the opponent bey in one spot by surrounding it with a electric fence
Team attack 3: “Magma Kantana Diveâ€: Team attack with Magma Saurian: Refer to “Electric Kantana Dive†team attack with Berserker’s parts replaced by Saurian
Team attack X: “Inzori Finaleâ€: Team attack involving all the Team members: first, Narwhale soaks all the opponent beys, next Berserker zaps all of them, while the opponents are distracted by Narwhale and Berserkers team attack, then Narwhale fills the stadium with water at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opponent beys in Rock, allowing the entire team the time to do “Infinite Magma Hydro Electric Kantana Attack†without any opposition
BeyBlade Type: Attack/Defense
Spin Direction: Left
Character bio:
Gender: Male
Clothes: Black Armani Exchange T-Shirt with black GUESS jeans and a silver cloak with black flames (cloak is based on Minato from NARUTO) clothes all the time
Black hair, Chinese origin, oldest of 4 children
Caries twin Kantanas everywhere.
Team rank: Leader
Attitude: helpful and cool, he has to keep a critical eye on his twin sister, Sonai so that she doesn’t go out of control with her short temper, his classmates (except for Sonai) are jealous of him. When he promises something, you can guarantee that he will keep his promise unless it has anything to do with murder or theft. Keeps his younger brothers in line every day so that they don’t drive Sonai crazy.
Age: 17 years as of February 27, 2011
Name: Sonai Inzori
BeyBlade: begins with: Pre-HWS Narwhale CH120 PD, and ends with: Hydro Narwhale XDFCH110 EPWD/PD
Type: Stamina
BeyBlade description:
Face: For both Narwhales, two narwhales next to each other with a wave and the writing Narwhale on the bottom. (Color: the narwhales: sliver, the wave: light blue, the writing: silver, the background: medium dark blue)
Hydro: imagine the Pre-HWS Virgo except the lobes are wave like. (Un-colored)
(Metal wheel) Narwhale: 4 Narwhales in a circle with a wave pattern on the bottom
(Clear wheel) Narwhale: two Narwhales in a circle. (Translucent blue)
XDFCH110: eXtreme Down Force Change Height 11.0mm- 13.5mm, basically a CH110 with the external shell as a super wide DF that works in both spin directions. (Translucent blue)
EPWD/PD: Eternal Polish Wide Defense/Polish Defense, PD with a voice controlled shaft aligned in PD’s notches, wielding a free spinning PWD (Translucent blue)
Super Attacks:
Level 1: “ Hydro Turbo Boostâ€: Narwhale creates a water typhoon complimenting its team members spin or itself spin, thus increasing the bey affected by the water typhoon spin velocity.
Level 2: “Hydro Cannonâ€: Narwhale creates a huge water typhoon in the playing area and sends it at the opponent’s bey, sending it flying repeatedly so that Narwhale’s extreme stamina can be used to outlast the opponent’s bey.
Level 3: “Flying Hydro Narwhale Cannonâ€: Hydro Narwhale hovers in the air because on XDFCH110 and creates a water Narwhale to ram the opponent’s bey.
Level X: “Hydro Hornâ€: Narwhale appears and creates a high pressure water jet in the shape of a Narwhale’s horn and Stabs the opponent’s bey breaking it in half, or KOing in instantly
Team Attacks:
Team attack 1: “Hydro Kantana Blitzâ€: Team attack with Silent Samurai: Hydro Narwhale lifts Silent Samurai, Samurai creates a Kantana and Narwhale adds high pressure water jets to it, and then they attack together, while Samurai slices with the kantana, narwhale flips and uses Hydro to grind the opponent’s clear wheel, causing the opponent’s bey to completely stop by Narwhale’s grind or get KOed by Samurai’s attack
Team attack 2: “Hydro Shockâ€: Team attack with Electric Berserker: Team attack with Hydro Narwhale: First, Narwhale soaks the opposing beys with water, then Berserker zaps them, after that, Narwhale creates a water typhoon that Berserker charges with electricity
Team attack 3: “Rock Strikeâ€: Team attack with Magma Saurian: Narwhale fills the stadium with at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opposing beys in rock, defenseless against a water/magma spear strike.
Team attack X: “Inzori Finaleâ€: Team attack involving all the Team members: first, Narwhale soaks all the opponent beys, next Berserker zaps all of them, while the opponents are distracted by Narwhale and Berserkers team attack, then Narwhale fills the stadium with water at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opponent beys in Rock, allowing the entire team the time to do “Infinite Magma Hydro Electric Kantana Attack†without any opposition
Spin Direction: L/R
Character bio:
Gender: Female
Clothes: wears basically the same as all the Inzori except that her cloak is blue with silver flames.
Caries a special Touch Screen Repair Computer, TSRC, and tools for bey repairs
Rank in Team: repairer. (Technician)
Black hair, Chinese origin, and 2nd oldest of 4 children
Attitude: very reckless, and has a short temper, her twin brother, Izuma, does all that he can do to make sure she doesn’t go out of control with her rage and short temper doesn’t get the worst of her, her classmates (except for Izuma) are jealous of her. When she promises something, you can guarantee that she will keep her promise unless it has anything to do with murder or theft. She can get very angry with her 2 younger brothers, she respects Inzori as the greatest beyblader of all time
She is Izuma’s twin sister
Age: 17 as of February 27, 2011
Name: Hatachi Inzori
BeyBlade: begins with: Static Zerker LB135 ELRF final form: Electric Berserker BXBCH135 EMCLRF
Beyblade type: Attack
BeyBlade Discription:
Face: A sword with electricity coming out of it and the writing BERSERKER or ZERKER on the bottom. (Color: the sword: Silver, everything else: yellow on a black background)
Electric: Looks like a metal wheel with 4 lengthened protrusions in the shape of thunderbolts. (Slightly overhangs the track like Rock does (color: silver))
Static: same as Electric but it only has 3 protrusions
Berserker: 4 very large swords in a circle. (Color: translucent light yellow)
Zerker: 3 swords in a circle. (Color: translucent dark yellow)
BXBCH135: Bending eXtreme Blades Change Height 13.5mm – 16.0mm, basically a CH___ with 4 large Blades that can bend at Hatachi’s command during battle.
LB135: Lightning Blade 13.5mm, 3 lightning like blades facing outward.
ELRF: Eternal Left Rubber Flat, a free spinning RF.
EMCLRF: Eternal Metal Coated Left Rubber Flat, combine Metal Flat, Rubber Flat, and Eternal___ and CS, a free spinning LRF with a Metal Coat around it. (The metal coat is raised by 2mm from the Left Rubber Flat)
Super attacks:
Level 1: “Static Shieldâ€: a shield of electricity that causes the opponent’s bey to gain static electricity and stick to other unwanted friction causing things.
Level 2: “Lightning Horn Rampâ€: a Horn with a smooth slope made of electricity rams the opponent bey and “slopes†it out of the stadium if it hits.
Level 3: “Electric Blade Typhoonâ€: a electric typhoon with electric Berserker Blades popping out every where to hit the opposing bey.
Level X: “Electric Berserker Bladeâ€: Electric Berserker’s version of Samurai’s Infinite Blade except that the sword is made of electricity.
Team attacks:
Team attack 1: “Hydro Shockâ€: Team attack with Hydro Narwhale: First, Narwhale soaks the opposing beys with water, then Berserker zaps them, after that, Narwhale creates a water typhoon that Berserker charges with electricity.
Team attack 2: “Lightning Kantana Diveâ€: Team attack with Silent Samurai: Berserker goes around Samurai as a shield while circling the stadium (like the moon is Berserker, earth is Samurai and the centre of the stadium id the sun) and then Samurai shoots up in the sky, descending with Samurai spinning a kantana charged with lightning and Berserker keeping the opponent bey in one spot by surrounding it with a electric fence.
Team attack 3: “Lava/Lightning Trap Grindâ€: Team attack with Magma Saurian: (possibly the silliest tag-team attack ever) Saurian makes a wall of lava in the shape of [and Berserker creates a wall that looks like], then they trap the opposing beys in between the two walls like this[], then make the wall look like ll, thus creating friction to halt the trapped beys to a complete stop
Team attack X: “Inzori Finaleâ€: Team attack involving all the Team members: first, Narwhale soaks all the opponent beys, next Berserker zaps all of them, while the opponents are distracted by Narwhale and Berserkers team attack, then Narwhale fills the stadium with water at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opponent beys in Rock, allowing the entire team the time to do “Infinite Magma Hydro Electric Kantana Attack†without any opposition
Spin direction: Left
Character bio:
Gender: male
Clothes: wears basically the same as all the Inzori except that his cloak is black with yellow thunderbolts, and wears repair goggles.
Black hair, Chinese origin, and 3rd of 4 children
Carries a special touch screen analyzer computer that can scan beys and create strategies according to the opponent’s bey parts and battle strategies for each of the team’s members
Team rank: Tactician
Attitude: a Bey strategist, caring and intelligent.
Age: 14 years old as of March 8, 2011
Name: Rez Inzori
Beyblade: first bey: Inferno Dino BD145 RS ___ final bey: Magma Saurian XGBCH160 RDS
BeyBlade Description:
Face: A T-Red head blowing Flame and the writing DINO on the bottom for Inferno Dino/A T-Rex head with Magma trickling down the side and the writing SAURIAN on the bottom for Magma Saurian. (Color: Brown T-Rex head, red flames/magma, & gold DINO/SAURIAN)
Inferno: the Hasbro Pre-HWS HWS version of SGTO (red and brown)
Magma: Metal version of Heat with rubber in the gaps. (Rubber: red, metal: un-colored)
Dino: a T-Rex in a circle (the T-Rex: brown, the background or other plastic: red)
Saurian: ripples of lava in a circle. (Color: translucent red)
BD145: Hell Kerbecs’ Track. (Translucent red)
XGBCH160: eXtreme Gravity Bowl Change Height 16.0mm – 18.5mm, cross of CH___ and GB145, 4 metal balls on the shell of CH___, the plastic is arranged in a 4 pronged star.
RS: Rubber Sharp. (Color: translucent red, rubber: red)
RDS: Rubber Defense Sharp, a DS made of rubber (Color: red rubber and translucent red for the plastic parts)
Super attacks:
Level 1: “Lava Shieldâ€: Saurian creates a wall of Lava around it to protect it from attacks.
Level 2: “Lava Wipeoutâ€: Saurian creates a wave of lava to cover its opponents.
Level X: “Volcano Graveâ€: Saurian suddenly starts circling the stadium and creates a miniature un-erupted volcano in the middle of the stadium, then when the opponent’s bey is in the volcano’s crater, the volcano explodes, sending the opponent’s bey flying.
Team attacks:
Team attack 1: Magma Kantana Strike: Team attack with Silent Samurai: Refer to “Electric Kantana Dive†team attack with Berserker’s parts replaced by Saurian
Team attack 2: “Lava/Lightning Trap Grind†(possibly the silliest tag-team attack ever) : Team attack with Electric Berserker: Saurian makes a wall of lava in the shape of [and Berserker creates a wall that looks like], then they trap the opposing beys in between the two walls like this[], then make the wall look like ll, thus creating friction to halt the trapped beys to a complete stop
Team attack 3: Rock Strike: Team attack with Hydro Narwhale: Narwhale fills the stadium with at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opposing beys in rock, defenseless against a water/magma spear strike.
Team attack X: “Inzori Finaleâ€: Team attack involving all the Team members: first, Narwhale soaks all the opponent beys, next Berserker zaps all of them, while the opponents are distracted by Narwhale and Berserkers team attack, then Narwhale fills the stadium with water at the same time, Saurian releases a flow of lava, trapping the opponent beys in Rock, allowing the entire team the time to do “Infinite Magma Hydro Electric Kantana Attack†without any opposition
Character bio:
Gender: male
Clothes: wears basically the same as all the Inzori except that his cloak is silver with red flames.
Black hair, Chinese origin, and the youngest of 4 children
Team rank: Attack absorber (the shield)
Attitude: very humorous, liked by everyone.
Your stories are BEAST if your still accepting character requests PLZ accept mine.
Name
ylan
Bey
torm leone 100 HF
Special Move:Beast Mode Assault the bey spins faster and causes a slight shockwave. all other beys will/might become unbalanced and begin to slow down. then, the bey slams into all others; the special move turns the bey to a defense type slightly recoiling a little more.
if this is too much you can change it if you want, all i want is my character to not be a jerk or thief like that guy tetsuya from the show.
Name:Tenji Okana
Bey: Static Libra FM145 ESB
Static: it resembles the hyper wheel but its metal is shaped like lightning bolts
FM145:like the M145 track the beyblader is allowed to move the track to different side but FM 145 ffreely moves from side to side causing a static effect
ESB:like Es its a bit bigger with a free moving ball keeping the beys balance intact
character apperance: Like Tobio(capt.capri) just black with black hair
Personality:ecstatic and friendly
Special move: Cybernetic Shockwave -Due to FM145 it creates a heavy electric field out from the bey constantly shocking the the other bey with electric shocks causing the bey to lose balance and slow down
Hope you like it
