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Ok evry1 this is basically a prolouge to the character Azure from "Kevins Beyblade adventure" wriitn by Darkangel629, its basically leads up to when kevin and azure first meet.
Prolouge: In a village there lived a boy, his villaged worshiped a dragon that had the power to destroy the world, but in the past it was used as weapon by the village to defeat their enemies, only one villager every 100 years was able to contain it, fearing it power it was sealed in a statue for the next generation to use its power. One day theboy went to get water for his mother and father, as he returned he had noticed his village torn and destroyed, he noticed all his people were injured or dead, suddenly two beys were launched, a dark wolf, and a poison serpent, the poison serpent managed to scar the boys face and he was in terrible pain, he looked up to see two men in suits with masks; Boy: Who r u people!? why did you do this!?, ???: were from the neobey organization, were collecting the most powerful beys in order to create an army to control the world! Boy: Why are u here!? there are no beys in this village!!, ???2: That dragon, we know its power we can make it into a bey and control it like a pet! Boy: No!!!, ??? & ???2: pfft we dont need this eye sore! as the two beys were launched for the kill the dragon statue glowed a blue color and a dragon wrapped the boy in a blue flame and knocked out both beys easily, suddenly a bey appear before the boy and had the creatures image " L drago" he grabbed it and launched it as if it wasnt his first time blading, the bey created a typhoon and the boy was gone. ???: gr..well look for him later, lets go!. somwhere in the forest the boy awakes, Boy: ug..where am i?, he looks down to see the l drago bey, as he gets up he makes a promise to himself, Boy: ill get them for my village, ill destroy their evil plans and gain vengence, i will take up the name that my forefathers used....Azure. End of prolouge 1.
Proulouge 2.
7years pass, the boy now in his teens wanders the world for those who killed his parent, his eye bandaged, wearing a tattered cloak walks and enters a new city, there he notices a bully destroying other kids beys in battles and boasting, Bully: Ha wimps think can take on my bey plz, wheres a challenge? Azure: this coming from a wimp hm. Bully: what bring it on you bum! azure: heh, they ready themselves as they count down, 3....2...1...let it rip! the instant the beys are launched L drago immediately smashes the bullys bey in pieces, Azure: where ur big talk now? Bully:...., Azure: beyblading is about fun, if ur arrogant and only care to win ull lose everytime, as he walks he runs into a boy named Kevin Hagata, a boy with dreams and a good heart, Azure notices he reminds him of himself at that age and challenges him to match, they ready themselves,\; 3...2...1...let it rip! knowing the ferocity of L drago he doesnt use its full potential agains kevin as they battle kevins bey impresses azure with its speed and strentgh but l drago manages to attack in multi mode knocking kevins bey out, kevin looking down is reassured by azure, Azure: awesom match, dont look down having a bey means battling for fun and experience, Kevin: thanks! Azure: no prob, if u ever need a rematch ill be here, Kevin: thanks, todays christmas so i better get home!, Azure: alright, Kevin: I hope i get my shooting star pegasus!, azure smiles as he walk away. 5 hours later azure notices a shine from a home and glass shattering he goes to investigate and see its kevins home with everyone dead, he enters and sees kevin is gone, he notices that the style of attack was the same from his past...the neobey orginization, azure angry vows to find them and leavs the city in search of the neobey and kevin. End of prolouge two
if you wish to know more about azures journey reply and ill write more, and to see how he returns go to "kevins beyblade adventure" thread thank you :3
mega props fo awesomeness
(Jan. 06, 2011 1:24 AM)darkangel629 Wrote: [ -> ]mega props fo awesomeness
lol thnx duude, lol let ur friends know, i love getting opinions and support and if anyone wants a character made comment here or Pm the info, ill need two female bladers, an evil team, and rival(other than kevin) in his journey.
Chapter 1: the twins.
Azure arrives at the city named Flaura City, a city with the aroma of various flowers; He begins wandering the city looking for any info the neobey's organization and kevins wherabouts, as he walks he see children playing with beys and smile warmly to see their expressions of happiness, as he walks he greeted by two girls Kara & Sara, both are twins and greet him warmly, both may seem alike but have diffrent personalities, kara is upbeat, strong and peppy while her sister sara is kind, shy and quiet, the girls begin to speak; Kara: Welcome to our city!!!!, Sara:um...welcome.., Kara: Its alwas nice to see a new face!! Sara: *blushes and looks down*, Kara: whats wrong sis? As they speak to each other Kara notices the beylauncher around Azures belt and joyusly cries out, Kara: Yoour a Blader!? So are we wanna have a battle!?, Sara still looking shyly at Azure, Azure: um..sure alright. They go to a nearby stadium and prepares their launchers, they countdown 3...2...1 Let it rip!! they launch their beys, Kara & Sara's Storm Gemios100HF begins to spin wildly around L drago, as they begin to collide Kara screams outs, Kara: Majestic flame! A bright flame covers the stadium and launches L drago into the air, then Sara says gently: Majestic Snow!, then a snow hurricane spins backwards and pulls L drago in, as soon as it seems L drago is about to lose Azure yells out, Azure: L drago, Fangs of Devastation! suddenly a purple dragon appears and slams into gemios, they both spins slowly and Kara & Sara yell out, Kara & Sara: Gemini's Justice, spear of absolution!, suddenly two females emerge from the bey and are about to impale L Drago but Azure Smiles, Azure: good match but...L drago! Ancient Heavens Strike!, L drago Soars into the sky and dodges Gemios and creates a whirlwind drill and slams into gemios causing it to stop spinning. Kara sighs out of disappointment, while Sara shyly smiles looking at Azure, Kara: aw..oh well great battle thanks, Sara: um..you were...great *small giggle* Azure: same to you two, oh before I forget do you know of an orginization named Neobey's or a boy named kevin? Kara: nothing on the boy but neobey, that total jerk Reagal Grey belongs to, hes the local Prodigy but that guys a total jerk gah I hate him!, Kara throws a fit while sara speaks to Azure, Sara: he lives at the mansion in the middle of the city but tonight he's having a ball to commerate his graduation, everyone is allowed, Azure: Thank you, would you two like to be my date? Kara Laughs and nods, Kara: *giggles* sure we have nothing to do, Sara turns bright red, Sara: um...s-sure..we-we'd l-love to. Azure smiles and turns and walks with them, Azure: then tonight we infiltrate Reagals Mansion!, kara: Yea!!!, Sara: yea...
Chapter 2 will be up soon, anyone want another bad guy to be present at the part just let me know!
P.s. If your wondering how the girls look, Kara wears a bright red shirt with the word Bey on it, Bright blue jeans and Nike sneakers and has a ponytail, while Sara wheres a bright blue dress, and has long hair.
You have too many run-on sentences. Your point loses focus when you have so many run-ons. Also, you should use more detail. There is no imagery. Paragraphing would be easier on the eyes as well as organizing detail.
(Jan. 10, 2011 6:27 AM)Deikailo Wrote: [ -> ]You have too many run-on sentences. Your point loses focus when you have so many run-ons. Also, you should use more detail. There is no imagery. Paragraphing would be easier on the eyes as well as organizing detail.
um ok...but its not perfect, im not rlly going for a book *blinks* its jsut a spin off, and its how people read it, its the readers choice to how they want to look at it, *sweat drops* i mean not to be rude but i never sed it was getting published, *bows*thanks for the critcism ill try to do it better in chapter two so yea..
Chapter 2: The party.
Azure, kara and sara meet at the front entrance to prepare their entry to reagal's part. Kara wearing a bright pink dress with a pink rose in her hair and sara wearing a dark blue dress, blue gloves and a blue rose in her hair which is now tied into a ponytail; Sara shyly looks at Azure who wears a black blazer with a dark blue vest and a instead of his bandaged eye now has an eye path and blushes looking at sara and quickly turns to speak to both girls. Azure: Ok girls lets crash this part, Sara: yea lets crash the royal pain's party!, kara raising her hand anticipation, Sara: um..yea. All three enter the party as regualr guests, unknown to them reagal and another shadow converse upstairs; Reagal: you know you should relax more it is a party after all, ???: silence you fool, we may be partners but dont speak so casually to me! now are the plans going as predicted? Reagal: yes the boy is here do not worry we shall have is beast, the figure steps to the light, wearing a pitch black hoodie, shackles on his wrists, and without seeing his face reagal could sense his killer intent from the way he spoke, ???: do not fail us Reagal, Reagal: yes...Azrael. As soon as he said his name azraels eyes could be seen in the darkness, a pure yellow glow that seemed like a monster was with Reagal the whole time, he spoke with pure evil in his word, Azrael: Not Azrael...only Chaos!! Reagal: yes chaos...I will go on with the plan. The moment Reagal turned Chaos had disappeared, meanwhile downstairs... Azure: is he here? Kara: no, where is that jerk!? As soon as she said that a bey was launched right at Azure who qiuckly dogded and turned to see Reagal, Reagal: Hahahahah good to see the mysterious blader so quick to dodge, welcome to my home I am Reagal Grey and I know whom you seek. Azure: Good...quick to the point, where is Neobey HQ and the boy named Kevin!? Reagal: ooooo but info isnt cheap, you have to defeat me in battle! Azure: fine. Both bladers prepare there beys and countdown 3...2....1 Let it rip!! Azure launches his L drago while Reagal Launches Dark Scorpios, both beys collide sending a shock through the stadium, both pushing each other trying to knock the other out, the intensity of their clash creating craters in the stadium, Scorpio attacks L drago in circles, Reagal: Poison Claw! suddenly a purple aura engulfs l drago causing it to lose spin, Azure: Dragon Fang of Judgement! Suddenly L drago strikes Scorpio into the air and about to strike it down at full force, Azure: Finish it!, Reagal smirks as he looks at the beys, Reagal: Scorpio! Desert of Horror!, Suddenly Scorpio disappears and slams L drago down and begins to mercilessly slam into L drago. L Drago unable to move from the attack, Reagal: Soon it will be ours!, L rago about stop but as soon as it seems all is lost Azure removes his eyepatch, Azure: Restriction 2-1b lifted....power output, 80% then suddenly Azures left eye opens his left eye and reveals a bright yellow dragons eyes, sas soon as he does that a blue flames engulf L drago and pushes back Scorpio, Reagal: What?...What is this!?, Azure looks directly at him: you think because your rich, a prodigy and work with neobey you have power, you treat your beys like animals and weapons not like partners, you'll never win, never in all of eternity will you be able to win!!!, Azure looks at L Drago and his eye glows and unleashes its newest attack, Azure: now partner final attack, Shao style: Radiant Dragon of the heavens, suddenly L drago strikes Scorpio upward, Reagal thinks its like the first attack, Reagal: Desert of nightmare! suddnely Scorpio appears behind L drago but as soon as it attacks L drago switches into multi mode and three dragons emerge and devour scorpio and send it into the wall behind Reagal, the bey completely stuck in the wall. Azure turns and walks towards Reagal and slams him onto the wall, Azure: Where are the neobeys and Kevin!?, Reagal scared out of his mind; Reagal: Neobey HQ is in a city called Skyedge, but this boy I have no idea about!! Azure looks at him, Azure: Are you sure!? Reaga: yes yes yes!! Kara and sara both lay their hand on Azure to stop him, Azure lets go and leaves with both girls. The sun rises and azure prepares himself to leave as he walks on the path to the next city Kara and Sara follow him, Kara: Were coming with you! No way we are staying here with this adventure happening, Sara nods lightly; Azure: fine but things will be hard, dangerous are sure? Kara & Sara: yes. They go on their way to the next city....Meanwhile at the mansion, Reagal: How could I lose!?!?!? Chaos: hmph...weak you know the punishment of one who is weak, Reagal: no please no!, suddenly a giant guardian emerges and swallows Reagal, Chaos: soon I will have my power restored and a new world order will begin, that boy must be dealt with before hand. End Of chapter 2.
Chapter 3 will be up soon, looking for a boy who can be like an apprentice to azure as well as a girl who is a neobey member.
it says i voted bad but i mis clicked i meant to click awesome
(Jan. 11, 2011 3:08 AM)The Biraffe Wrote: [ -> ]it says i voted bad but i mis clicked i meant to click awesome
its ok and thnx
(Jan. 11, 2011 3:08 AM)The Biraffe Wrote: [ -> ]it says i voted bad but i mis clicked i meant to click awesome
...nowhere near each other?
(Jan. 15, 2011 12:29 AM)GaHooleone Wrote: [ -> ] (Jan. 11, 2011 3:08 AM)The Biraffe Wrote: [ -> ]it says i voted bad but i mis clicked i meant to click awesome
...nowhere near each other?
its alright, its rlly not that important lol :3
Chapter 3: The apprentice, The Crab and The Mystery.
In a desert an exhausted Azure, along with his equally exhausted companions Kara and Sara make their way to the next city where Neobey HQ is located, the much anticipated revenge Azure seeks so close but yet so far, they continue walking but are weak from their journey, Azure: feels like weve been walking forever... Kara: ug...I just wanna get their and hit the spa, Sara: yea... As they continue they finally reach a gate to Skyedge city, the gates open presenting them to a beautiful City square as the rush to the foutain drinking out of it as if their life depended on it. Suddenly a boy appears and screams aloud, Boy: Hey drinking from the fountain is prohibited strangers!!!, Kara with eyes full of rage begins to noogie the boy. Kara: Leave us alone brat we've been thirsty for days!! Boy: gah my names Brent Silvers and im on the Skyedge Sercurity Bureau...junior division, and for you crimes your under arrest!!! Kara: uh oh..., Sara: oh dear..., Azure: wait! what if I beat you in a bey battle? Brent: hm...sure im told im the best beyblader on the force!
They Prepare their blades, 3...2...1...Let it Rip!!!! They launch their blades with intense power as they circle each other they grind each other creating a violent wind, brent goes on offense, Brent: Storm Picies use fangs of the deep! his bey attacks L drago pushing it back and goes around and pushes it againn like a feeding frenzy, Azure: L drago dodge and use Fangs of the ancient and combine it with divine retribution! Suddenly L drago knocks Picies into the and smashes it back down and then swirls around it creating a purple vortex where 3 dragons attack. Brent smiles, Brent: Picies use Oceanic Feeding! Suddenly Picies dives into the vortex attack L drago from all sides like a shark attacking it prey, Azure in his own mind thinks, Azure: ( oh no...at this rate my left eye will open and ill lose control again like last time...no for my sake and Kara and sara as well ill try to go past my limits!!) [side note this song is playing as soon as he thinks that--->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6wKEbCuR7c ] with boldness in his eyes Azure claims a new attack: L drago Ancient Dynasty Obliteration!!! L drago jumps into the sky and begins creating a new vortex, Brent: ha like thats gonna work again! Picies dives back into the vortex but instead L drago lands in the eye of the vortex and spins to stop it, Brent shocked in awe as Picies is now out in the open and L drago attacks it in zig zag formation and jumps and slams it down creating a shockwave, Azure: L drago now finish it with Breath of Azure! L drago glows and incases itself in blue flames and criss cosses Picies leaving a ble flaming X in the stadium, and Picies still barely spinning attacks one last time but as soon as it leans foward L drago attacks it and sends it flying outside the stadium. Brent: wow...in-incredible... Kara and Sara: Yay!! Azure: you put up a great battle Brent. He extends his hand only to see Brent begging, Brent: Please take me on as your apprentice please please please!!!!!!! Im tired of being here and your skills are epic please teach me how to be strong. Azure, Kara and Sara confused look at him, Azure: sure? Brent: Yes thank you!! Azure ,Kara, Sara and now brent head to Neobey HQ to continue their search. To be continued in Chapter 3 part 2.