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This is a villanelle poem I wrote for my Creative Writing class in college.

If you aren't aware of what a villanelle is, go look it up before you read this. This poem had to conform to some rules.

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Today the Earth Stands Still
Despite the sounds of many
Things outside your window sill

Seven gunshots contribute to kill
One man whose sins are plenty
Today the Earth stands still

The sounds echo over rolling hills
But do not disturb any
Things outside your window sill

I decided to swallow a blue pill
That cost me a pretty penny
So today the Earth stands still

Airplanes bomb paper mills
The ashes falling are plenty
Snowing outside your window sill

Experiences are nil
When injustices are aplenty
So today the Earth stands still
Suspended just outside your window sill
I get a feeling of cold isolation when I read through it. And though there is a lot of sound-related imagery (if that makes sense?), I cannot help but shake the deathly silence that looms over. If that was the effect you were trying to achieve, then it worked (for me, at least).
This is lovely. I would suggest changing "plenty" to "aplenty" in the last stanza. Actually, work on making the syllables match more (unless there's a pre-determined syllable set).
(Sep. 05, 2008  7:11 PM)Bey Brad Wrote: [ -> ]This is lovely. I would suggest changing "plenty" to "aplenty" in the last stanza. Actually, work on making the syllables match more (unless there's a pre-determined syllable set).

There's no pre-determined syllable set, but there is a pre-determined rhyme and refrain scheme.

Here, this should explain it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle#Form

I could try and make the syllables match more, but I don't know if I would be successful or not. It takes a lot of effort to make everything fit in right, since every 2nd line in every stanza has to rhyme and every first and third line in every stanza has to rhyme. I don't know if I could remove/add any syllables without breaking that.

Ominous Wrote:I get a feeling of cold isolation when I read through it. And though there is a lot of sound-related imagery (if that makes sense?), I cannot help but shake the deathly silence that looms over. If that was the effect you were trying to achieve, then it worked (for me, at least).

My original goal for the poem was to illustrate how it must feel to be caught in a war zone without being able to do anything about it, and how that must make a person feel. As I wrote more and more of the poem I realized that I was actually illustrating the fact that sometimes there are things going on all around you, but that we as people have little to no effect on the outcome of these things. So in essence, our world is spinning while the world outside our homes is standing still.

So, essentially, the poem is about war. There is a lot of war related imagery in the poem -- Airplanes bombing paper mills, 7 gunshots killing a man (Also known as the seven gun salute -- a common execution method for prisoners of war), as well as what I think is a key line: "I decided to swallow a blue pill". This is referring to Valium and how drug abuse can make the world seem as if its standing still.

So I guess there isn't really any one true meaning to it, there are several that people could draw from it and I think that's what I like the most about it. But I guess its safe to say that its a very dark poem, as most of my works are.

I edited the poem a little bit to add in some of your suggestions. This isn't a final draft, by the way. I have until next Thursday to turn it in so suggestions and the like are more than welcome.
I think its really good, like your others writings i`ve read. Wink
(Sep. 06, 2008  3:54 AM)-WOLF- Wrote: [ -> ]I think its really good, like your others writings i`ve read. Wink

Thanks. Smile
Nice little story. I like how it shows that most people don't care about the violence that happens right under their noses.
You should put all your poems together and create a book of poetry. I think people would benefit from reading concious pieces of poetry.