World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Hey guys this was the last PEAI assignment for year nine if cut it down a little so it doesn't take you 29 years to write there may be some archeic swear words in there so watch out.

1st diary entry

Some Strange alien beings rocked up on my Island the smallest being louder than Zeus’s lightning striking the young grandiphants the largest being more furious keeping his rage to himself. They within less than one moon cycle of their stay have defiled were my mother hath been lain to the earth. But with the use of the shadows of the earth and the sounds of the trees to mask my viewing of these alien beings..

I'm pretty sure the comma should be between strange and alien.

What's the type of persona are you trying to create? Because it seems a clash between eloquent and calculating and a superstitious native.

I'd probably cut some of the repitition in your description, and rather comment on the "alien"s form of speech etc.

"Strange aliens arrived on my island, their foreign tongue fell upon the trees, but I could sense their hostile tone. The cries of war rode upon those unknown words.


I have observed them, two cycles past my mother's return to the land, wherein their actions shall decide my own.

Yet the time grows nigh and upon the fall of night I shall be their judge. The moon shall reveal the truth, and the forest cocophany conceal my form."

that would be a correction I guess, however I pretty much just wrote that on the spot so it probably won't be in conjunction with what you want, and probably won't be too great.

If it gives you some inspiration that'd be great though. Feel free to use it as you will.

carp I posted my Draft not my actual exam paper Ill post the proper one up now sorry momiji.

That's fine, I thought this was just the start of your paper hah.

The idea is fine though.

It is the start its just the rest is buried on my harddrive.