World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.

Hi im writing a beyblade story , ive just writ the preface now (it tells us whats gunno happen in the middle of something , like fast forwarding time before we go to chapter one) which if you read you wont understand at first , but reply telling me if you like it and iff you do ill carry on writing. Beyblade is copywrited to hasbro . so when i say i copywrited this story it doesnt mean the characters and that , it means the story line , no one can do a story almost just like mine (there are some made up things like new beyblades and that to)

Preface:

The Beyblades clashed at there full power against each other , they forced each other backwards , but both kept spinning.One of the beys was called Lightning Aquario and its blader was called Kataya Satsuemi.The other bey was called Storm Pegasus who was Ginga Hagane's Bey.The two beyblades were suprisingly evenly matched.There rotation increased as they kept attacking . They were battling by a river , near a bridge , the sun was setting and the sky was orange.Every hit flung them both back and neither was going to be beat easily.Kataya looked detemined to win but underneath she was a bbit nervous.Madoka took out her laptop and aimed the camera at Aquario.
"This cant be right" She murmured just loud enough for Kenta to hear.
"what is it madoka?" He asked
"according to this , katayas bey isnt just one"Her expression changed.
"BUT THATS IMPOSSIBLE"Kenta exclaimed as he looked shocked.
"Not exsactly , you know how beys can split into 5 peices , well it looks like 5 diffrent beys have been taken apart and peices of them have been swapped , ya get me?"Madoka explained.
"But if thats true , then"
"then theres a possibility Lightning Aquario , with the power of 5 beys , could be stronger than pegasus!" Madoka Shouted after interupting kyouya.
Ginga got distraccted as he turned around , he was so engrossed in the battle the only word he heard was "pegasus".
"Hu?"He said being distracted from the battle for a split second.
Without Kataya saying a word , Aquario attacked full power , knocking Pegasus out of the arena. All of the others flew there heads around , the expression was shocked as pegasus landed on the ground. The only differance was ... it wasnt spinning any more!Not ever Lightning L Drago could defeat him . Ginga being distracted caused his bey to weaken , the only diffrence was Aquario attacked without being told to.

"luckily that was only the warm up"Kataya said as she started to look even more misterable now as Aquario jumped into her hand and she set it back into the launcher ready for the real battle. Ginga picked up Pegasus and as he put it back into his launcher he started to get angry.
"Why are you acting like this? Why do you suddenly want to defeat me?!?!"Ginga Shouted.Kataya stayed silent. They both put there fingers on the cords.
"3 2 1!" Ginga screamed as he pulled the cord again and so did kataya as the beyblades clashed again. Neither stopped spining as both of the beyblades constantly clashed. Aquario had more stamina as well as power , so even if they didnt battle , they just spun , aquario would still win.Ginga said that a beyblades stregth comes from the heart , but kataya didnt even seam to be paying attention , but aquario was still powerfull. There was something ... odd about this bey. something dark , something evil.
"pegasus shooting star blast attack!" Ginga yelled as pegasus has already launched and was coming down , fast. Before , a split second before , pegasus could hit aquario , aquario moved slightly to the side , and when pegasus did hit , it got knocked to the side , it swayed like it was going to tip over , but it eventually recovered. It was puzzling though , that for the whole time pegasus was swaying ,when it was at its weakest point , aquario didnt attack , it was like it could read katayas thoughts and she told it to stop attacking.Madoka figured this out. She looked shocked.
"thats it!" she yelled realising aquario wasnt taking advantage.
"whats it?" Ginga replyed making sure this time he kept focus on the battle.
"why she hasnt got her bey , why shes not using Flame pegasus!" Madoka still never got to the point.
"what already?!"Kyouya exclaimed.
"she doesnt want to battle you ginga , she hasnt got her bey , shes being forced to battle you!"
Ginga was terrifyed , Flame Pegasus is like a twin to Storm Pegasus , both incredibly powerful beyond belief , what could of defeated it and made kataya do this?.Ginga softened for a minute and his guard loosened as Aquario went in for the final blow.
"STOP" Kataya cried as she fell onto her hands and knees , she was crying in fear of what was about to happen.
"im sorry Flame Pegasus. Im so so sorry" she whispered , she knew the others came rushing and she knew they could hear her but she didnt care ....


(if i carry on with this story this will be part of a later chapter)

it's good but you should change what gives aquario it's power to something that can't come from just customizing

i said it wouldnt make sense ....

the people who beat kataya before this battle happened took away flame pegasus and gave her lightning aquario , it had been found after spending centuries in a cave with crystal who gave it unimaginal power ( a bit like l drago) but they switched parts of it and put it into a machine which hurt it so much it power stamina and defensce level instantly boost because its in so much pain its forced to go up quicker , it was engenered to be powerfull , this will be explained(in more detail) after ginga saves flame pegasus from the evil new gang (havent worked out the name yet) who took iit

yh i like it but it could be someat like an old force or something cliched i know but something on the lines of theat but what you've got so far is fantastic

why thank you , although i wouldnt recommend it to people who dont know about beyblade , my mates thought they were in the air and they were flying discs hahaha

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Anyone else think i should continue to write it?? if i do when i complete chapter one ill porbly do this again on here and be asking u lot what u think lol

This story is un-realistic on one part. Lightning and Aquario don't and can't go together.

TBH this is pretty poor writing. Fix up your spelling and grammar as well. Characterisation. Also, I'm pretty sure Ginga doesn't act like that.

i dont care about gramma on the comp tbf , its better in the story , thanks for you honesty both of you
Plus : i thought you could mix any 2 metal and fusion wheels together?

Sentence structure etc builds up the story just as much as the actual events within the story.

No, Gravity can only go with Perseus, Lightning can only go with L drago, and as far as we know Meteo can only go with L drago II.

(Sep. 18, 2010  1:35 PM)momiji manju Wrote: [ -> ]Sentence structure etc builds up the story just as much as the actual events within the story.

No, Gravity can only go with Perseus, Lightning can only go with L drago, and as far as we know Meteo can only go with L drago II.

meteo can go with perseus

(Sep. 21, 2010  12:27 PM)pegasis105rf Wrote: [ -> ]meteo can go with perseus

He probably knows that now, considering that post was made before we discovered that Meteo Perseus could be made.

im like new to beyblade , i mean my sister did collect them when we were little , but ive only watched the first couple of episodes , so i dont get it fully , and i hardly know any of the beys and the customiseations , i know up to hyrumi (the mountain and demon person who turns out to be childhood friends with ginga)

His name is Hyouma. And we threads for most of the other things you mentioned.

Hah yes I do know about the compatability now, however I don't understand the discussion of the anime here if it's completely unrelated to the story?

Nice. Ignoring all previous comments, nice.
Say, doesn't Pegasus need to be launched into the sky to do it's special move? In this, it just jumped up...
I'm probably wrong, but heck.

I'm pretty sure it has to be either hit up, or IIRC, can ride up the side of the stadium walls like a ramp?

Yeah, that's what I mean by "launched". There must be something in the enviroment used to launch pegasus into the sky. Can't just jump.

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Hey. You said shooting starblast attack.
Japanese: Shooting Star Attack.
English: Starblast Attack.

Tell me if I'm wrong please.

make up some beys maybe. if u need ideas pm me. make sum name up too.

Oh yea , i forgot to say what it did , i miss out some parts like that XD