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Full Version: Gravity Perseus AD145WD 99.9% COMPLETE!
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By the way, apparently the sets of three red stickers are supposed to be Medusa's eyes, so perhaps they could be referred as such ...
(Sep. 18, 2010  1:42 AM)Diamond Wrote: [ -> ]A few small mistakes:
Wow thanks for doing that. alright I will make the adjustments.


Oh and kai-v thnx for the info I will include that as well.
Alright guys all fixed! I reaslly do think its finalized unless someone could find any mistakes... I can't find any more.
(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]It is interesting to note that only this Beyblade and Lightning L Drago has mode change capabilities as well as the ability to spin left.
have not has.

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]However, when the Perseus Clear Wheel fits in the remaining three indents and covers the red stickers, it is known as "Counter Mode" as this increases the contact points to six.
That doesn't explain why it is called Counter Mode as the sentence structure implies.

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Armor Defense 145 shortened to AD145,
Unnecessary. You can just call it AD145 right off the bat.

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Armor Defense 145 shortened to AD145, is shaped like the head of a funnel; completely round with ridges lining the sides all the way around.
Misuse of a semicolon.

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Although it generated a lot of interest within the Beyblade community, current tests have proved it to be outclassed by the tracks GB145, C145, ED145, and CH120 as a defensive Track because it weighs less than GB145, and offered less protection against low attackers compared to C145.
You list four tracks but only provide explanation for two?

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Thus this track was overlooked.
Sentence fragment.

(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]For example, testing with AD145 revealed that it was on par with the current top tier stamina Tracks; 145 and DF145.
Misusing the semicolon again.
Lol thanks a lot Daegor for actually reading the article all the way through. I will apply the correction as soon as im back from my school trip on tuesday... I have to sleep over at camp Smile
Fixed all problems thus far! Looks pretty good! any other advice?
(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Clear Wheel: Perseus
Weight: 2.7 grams
This Clear Wheel is unique in the sense that there is no plastic that blocks the prongs on left and right launchers from attaching. This is necessary to allow multi-directional spin that is currently exclusive only to this Beyblade. Also, like Lightning L Drago 100HF, rotating the Clear Wheel 180 degrees will result in a changing of modes in order to suit the battling conditions. The original color is black, with 3 projections that give the image of it being triangular. These 3 projections allow it to shift between "Defense Mode" and "Counter Mode". Unlike other Clear Wheels, Perseus is only able to be used with the Gravity Metal Wheel. It is interesting to note that only this Beyblade and Lightning L Drago has mode change capabilities as well as the ability to spin left.
Dump the section I made bold, you are basically just repeating what you've said in the sections I underlined.

EDIT: Also, throughout the article where you mention Lightning L Drago's mode changing gimmick, include Meteo L Drago too, or just say something like: "the Hybrid Wheel System L Drago series".
(Oct. 03, 2010  5:15 AM)Diamond Wrote: [ -> ]Dump the section I made bold, you are basically just repeating what you've said in the sections I underlined.

EDIT: Also, throughout the article where you mention Lightning L Drago's mode changing gimmick, include Meteo L Drago too, or just say something like: "the Hybrid Wheel System L Drago series".

thnx diamond its all fixed... anything else?
Any other fixes I should make?
Just some nitpicking:

Quote:. . . This Wheel requires further testing, however, it shows very good potential as a Smash Attacker, such as in the attack combo Gravity Perseus R145RF.

It's a bit redundant to say that a Smash Attacker can be used in an attack combo.

Quote:AD145 is shaped like the head of a funnel, completely round with ridges lining the sides all the way around. Although it generated a lot of interest within the Beyblade community, current tests have proved it to be outclassed by the tracks GB145, and C145 as a defensive Track because it weighs less than GB145, and offered less protection against low attackers compared to C145.

You might want to mention when this happened (e.g. "Although it generated a lot of interest within the Beyblade community during its release, . . .").
(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]When viewed as an uncustomized Beyblade, Gravity Perseus AD145WD is considered by the majority of the Beyblade community to be outclassed by other uncustomized Blades such as Earth Aquila 145WD.

I think this should be changed since most uncustomised beyblade aren't that good. Change it to something like: Although uncustomised it performs poorly then move onto the part next about the individual parts having potential.
(Oct. 25, 2010  11:30 PM)Royface3000 Wrote: [ -> ]It's a bit redundant to say that a Smash Attacker can be used in an attack combo.

You might want to mention when this happened (e.g. "Although it generated a lot of interest within the Beyblade community during its release, . . .").

fixed. Thnx!
Being said that Gravity is only compatible with the Perseus clear wheel , ( no wait , vice versa XD ) , cant Meteo Perseus be made ?
(Oct. 27, 2010  2:30 AM)Defense-Rhino Wrote: [ -> ]Being said that Gravity is only compatible with the Perseus clear wheel , ( no wait , vice versa XD ) , cant Meteo Perseus be made ?
Apparently it does not fit that perfectly, and anyway I am quite sure it is not supposed to.
(Oct. 27, 2010  2:31 AM)Kai-V Wrote: [ -> ]
(Oct. 27, 2010  2:30 AM)Defense-Rhino Wrote: [ -> ]Being said that Gravity is only compatible with the Perseus clear wheel , ( no wait , vice versa XD ) , cant Meteo Perseus be made ?
Apparently it does not fit that perfectly, and anyway I am quite sure it is not supposed to.

Also, it would defeat the purpose of having 2 modes for meteo or perseus...
(Oct. 27, 2010  3:53 AM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]
(Oct. 27, 2010  2:31 AM)Kai-V Wrote: [ -> ]
(Oct. 27, 2010  2:30 AM)Defense-Rhino Wrote: [ -> ]Being said that Gravity is only compatible with the Perseus clear wheel , ( no wait , vice versa XD ) , cant Meteo Perseus be made ?
Apparently it does not fit that perfectly, and anyway I am quite sure it is not supposed to.

Also, it would defeat the purpose of having 2 modes for meteo or perseus...

How it would still have 2 modes when u turn the C.W. But maybe u should include that it cant be combined with meteo. And i think everything has been fixed that needed to be fixed. I read over the mistakes and they are all right. And The semicolon thing was funny. whoever made that comment
(Oct. 27, 2010  4:29 AM)UnLeAsHeD Wrote: [ -> ]But maybe u should include that it cant be combined with meteo.
If it is already written that Perseus only fits on Gravity, then it would be pointless to add what you just mentioned ...
(Oct. 27, 2010  4:55 AM)Kai-V Wrote: [ -> ]
(Oct. 27, 2010  4:29 AM)UnLeAsHeD Wrote: [ -> ]But maybe u should include that it cant be combined with meteo.
If it is already written that Perseus only fits on Gravity, then it would be pointless to add what you just mentioned ...

Ohh i didnt think about that, sorry.
Did you look at what I said?
(Sep. 03, 2010  8:26 PM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]Face: Perseus
The face depicts Perseus, one of the 88 constellations in space.

I think it looks better if you say, The face depicts Perseus, one of the 88 constellations of the Zodiac.
(Oct. 27, 2010  1:26 PM)OtakuCyrus Wrote: [ -> ]I think it looks better if you say, The face depicts Perseus, one of the 88 constellations of the Zodiac.

Except for the fact that that's false...
(Oct. 28, 2010  1:13 AM)Daegor42 Wrote: [ -> ]
(Oct. 27, 2010  1:26 PM)OtakuCyrus Wrote: [ -> ]I think it looks better if you say, The face depicts Perseus, one of the 88 constellations of the Zodiac.

Except for the fact that that's false...

this. It is more accurate to refer to it as a constellation in space...
(Oct. 28, 2010  2:54 AM)Nojo294 Wrote: [ -> ]this. It is more accurate to refer to it as a constellation in space...

Honestly, you can just put "one of the 88 constellations."
Quote:Because of its massive width that reaches the edge of the Bottom's perimeter, it is able to wobble at a significantly larger angle for a longer period of time than D or SD, and at a much lower spin rate.
This sounds a bit awkward to me. It might sound better if you say something like "Because if the Bottom's massive perimeter . . ."

Quote:This can be advantageous in many battles, particularly those between two Stamina types when they are about to topple over; however, if you happen to have a weaker shot than your opponent who is using something such as Virgo DF145SD, . . .
You shouldn't use a vague word like "something" when referring to a Beyblade. Consider rephrasing that part of the sentence to ". . . your opponent who is using an SD-based combo such as Virgo DF145SD, . . ."

Quote:WDs low spin rate towards the end of the battle will make it extremely easy for the opponent to knock it completely over. This low spin rate towards the end of the battle is created because in the process of wobbling at such a large angle, more friction is made with the stadium floor, thus decreasing its Stamina.
There's some redundancy here. You can rephrase the sentence containing the second "This low spin rate towards the end of the battle" to something like "This occurs because, as the Beyblade wobbles, more friction is made between WD and the stadium floor, resulting in loss of Stamina."

Quote:This is all avoidable, however, if your shot is at least as powerful as your opponent's, . . .
Some missing commas around "however" and a missing apostrophe-s after "opponent".

Quote:as the extra time it is able to spin on at an angle will allow you to narrowly outspin your D- or SD-based opponent.
Change "on an angle" to "at an angle". And you need hyphens when referring to D-based or SD-based opponents.
(Oct. 28, 2010  9:37 PM)Royface3000 Wrote: [ -> ]
Quote:Because of its massive width that reaches the edge of the Bottom's perimeter, it is able to wobble at a significantly larger angle for a longer period of time than D or SD, and at a much lower spin rate.
This sounds a bit awkward to me. It might sound better if you say something like "Because if the Bottom's massive perimeter . . ."

Quote:This can be advantageous in many battles, particularly those between two Stamina types when they are about to topple over; however, if you happen to have a weaker shot than your opponent who is using something such as Virgo DF145SD, . . .
You shouldn't use a vague word like "something" when referring to a Beyblade. Consider rephrasing that part of the sentence to ". . . your opponent who is using an SD-based combo such as Virgo DF145SD, . . ."

Quote:WDs low spin rate towards the end of the battle will make it extremely easy for the opponent to knock it completely over. This low spin rate towards the end of the battle is created because in the process of wobbling at such a large angle, more friction is made with the stadium floor, thus decreasing its Stamina.
There's some redundancy here. You can rephrase the sentence containing the second "This low spin rate towards the end of the battle" to something like "This occurs because, as the Beyblade wobbles, more friction is made between WD and the stadium floor, resulting in loss of Stamina."

Quote:This is all avoidable, however, if your shot is at least as powerful as your opponent's, . . .
Some missing commas around "however" and a missing apostrophe-s after "opponent".

Quote:as the extra time it is able to spin on at an angle will allow you to narrowly outspin your D- or SD-based opponent.
Change "on an angle" to "at an angle". And you need hyphens when referring to D-based or SD-based opponents.

Thanks for the advice! But I just copied and pasted what was already published about WD in beywiki so I am assuming that it's acceptable in my draft as well. Otherwise, all the drafts on beywiki will have to be changed...
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