Beyblade story

This is a beyblade story ill accept characters if its good.

chapter:1Stranger from the dark.

3..2...1 GO SHOOT!i launched my grand unicorno 85 R2F as the opponent launched his Hell aquila.The beys started clashing. my beyblade was pushing the foe's beyblade into the corner of the stadium.Suddenly my foe shouted:Not on my watch,Go aquila! Blazing wings!
and before i knew it i was beaten a thousand attacks....my beyblade flew in the sky but luckily it fell on the stadium My turn now i shouted:Grand unicorno! Combo strike!
Then its as if the foe was losing his hopes to win and my grand unicorno won after that i walked home.....

Through the park at night a stranger....He launched his bey at me!I felt a bey coming.But without a chance of launching mine...the beyblade hit my head i couldn't remember how it looked like because i fainted........ i wake up in a very complicated room finding my self tied to a chair i reach my hand to my beyblade which was sitting on a table next to the seat and launched it my grand unicorno saved me!But not for long the guy truly shows himself!

???:Well well well what do we have here.A sibling and his beyblade?
Who the heck are you!? i shouted!
???:let me introduce my self im Variom or you could say your bey's doom hehehe!
grrrr launched my beyblade with so much anger and my body got surrounded by red aura
Variom launched his bey too then i saw it....hellios pegasis....230 HF!
It was no use!I was only hitting his track!My beyblade started to lose balance...While his bey blade was in the perfect state..Graah!No!!!!!!!!!!!! i shouted...My beyblade stopped and he won....he took my beyblade and took me with him i kept kicking him and shouting:LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another guy...A strange one with orange and black hair shouted:Let him go...Now or else.......
My eyes opened wide....Who was he....
Variom repliedGasph its you again... you can have the kid i just want the beyblade!
variom throwed me on the floor i fainted and he took my beyblade and went off

I woke up in a tent...I thought in myself:Why cant i just go home for crying out loud!
i went out of the tent
I found the guy with the orange and black hair warming by fire from woods...Oh you finally woke up?He said.
Wha....whats your name?I said in a confused voice.......Im Saro.....Whats your name he said... My name is.....!...... So whats your name?Said saro....Oh you lost your memory from the hit?
No i remember i just dont trust me you.................
Its ok you can trust me. he said
Ok my name is Eronal
Fine eronal we need to get your bey back.He said in a courageous voice.
O-o-ok.....i said
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Chapter 2 coming soonConfusedearch for the lost bey!
Me and saro go around and ask people if they have seen the so named variom.....
We look over for him and find 6 friends traveling along each other.. Kyoya,Gingka,Benkei,kenta,masamune and the mechanic madoka!They seem to look for variom too for some reason!
no offense but its poorly set up. u didnt use speech marks ("text") when someone speaks and you have made some simple grammar mistakes. i love the storyline though. you've got a great imagination. I would co-write but i'm busy with my story.
(May. 08, 2011  2:00 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: no offense but its poorly set up. u didnt use speech marks ("text") when someone speaks and you have made some simple grammar mistakes. i love the storyline though. you've got a great imagination. I would co-write but i'm busy with my story.
I LOVE your story its so awesome Grin
(May. 08, 2011  4:23 PM)Poison pegasus Wrote:
(May. 08, 2011  2:00 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: no offense but its poorly set up. u didnt use speech marks ("text") when someone speaks and you have made some simple grammar mistakes. i love the storyline though. you've got a great imagination. I would co-write but i'm busy with my story.
I LOVE your story its so awesome Grin

thanks but could u post that on my thread. anyway you can help by giving me character/bey ideas
I gave you one back to the story
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Chapter 2-Search for the lost bey!

"Hey mister do you know anything about a guy called variom?"Saro said."No."The guy said.
"Its no use.We looked all OVER this city just face it we won't get my beyblade back"I said.*Gets slapped by saro*
!!!"Shame on you!Don't you ever give up!!!!!"said saro. "Fine.....Hey we haven't asked those guys!"I said.
"Hey hey mister with green hair and black jacket!"*waves to kyouya* "GO SHOOT"Kyouya shouted!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"i screamed in a creeped voice! "Go shoot!"Saro said with a confident voice.
*Suddenly leone started clashing with Aquario.* "I dont have any time to waste i've got revenge to make!
*The crew walks on and kyoya get his bey off the road*
"Too bad their not any good...."i said.
*saro grabs me from behind a mailbox* "WOAH!"I shout.
*saro follows them while grabbing me*
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To be continued!