World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Sons of Legends - A Beyblade Story - Printable Version

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Sons of Legends - A Beyblade Story - The Ninja - Mar. 03, 2014

Prologue:

The Letter:

Characters:


CHAPTER 1A:

CHAPTER 1B:


Please PM me if you would like any requested characters to be in this story. Please follow the format listed in the "Characters" section.


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Airus - Mar. 03, 2014

This...
Seems interesting, but here's some things you'll need to work on:

1: Make it longer, that said, this is too short. If it's meant to be a prologue, you should tag it Prologue. Not chapter one. I understand it's shortness if it's a prologue.

2: There were a few grammar/spelling errors. Examples are that member's is supposed to be members in the case of a plural. Also, the line Except a few people. Who just happen to be my friends., it should be Except a few people, who just happen to be my friends.

Other than that, keep going! I hope you do well!


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - The Ninja - Mar. 03, 2014

(Mar. 03, 2014  1:44 AM)Jake Hagane Wrote: This...
Seems interesting, but here's some things you'll need to work on:

1: Make it longer, that said, this is too short. If it's meant to be a prologue, you should tag it Prologue. Not chapter one. I understand it's shortness if it's a prologue.

2: There were a few grammar/spelling errors. Examples are that member's is supposed to be members in the case of a plural. Also, the line Except a few people. Who just happen to be my friends., it should be Except a few people, who just happen to be my friends.

Other than that, keep going! I hope you do well!

Thank you SO much on your feedback. I will get to work on it as soon as possible.


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Dual - Mar. 03, 2014

Ooh, a dystopian story, interesting. The prologue seems pretty good, but it's to early to judge. Grammar and spelling are pretty good, so kudos, haha. I'll keep an eye on this story for sure!


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - The Ninja - Mar. 03, 2014

(Mar. 03, 2014  2:41 AM)Dual Wrote: Ooh, a dystopian story, interesting. The prologue seems pretty good, but it's to early to judge. Grammar and spelling are pretty good, so kudos, haha. I'll keep an eye on this story for sure!
Hey. Hey. (Dad chuckles)


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Airus - Mar. 04, 2014

I'll be sure to keep my eye out for new chapters of this story as well!


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Ryker Kurogane - Mar. 04, 2014

This story does seem interesting. It actually makes me want to read more. Best wishes!


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Aqua Roxas - Mar. 04, 2014

Interesting story. I'll keep an eye on this, but you should've made the opening chapter slightly larger. Unless of course, it was a prologue. Other than that, your grammar and spelling seems good, so that's a plus. I'll be keeping an eye on this piece.


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - The Ninja - Mar. 06, 2014

Chapter 1A is added, format was revised


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Dual - Mar. 06, 2014

It's really short, even for a partial chapter. Here's what I suggest:
-Obviously, make it longer.
-Add description. Describe the environment, the opponent, the main character, the special move, etc. this will build a setting and lengthen your chapters.

That's all for now, really.


RE: Rebel- A Beyblade Story - Airus - Mar. 06, 2014

OK, I'll say the same thing dual said. Other than that, this is good. Other than some grammatical and spelling errors. Try typing it out on MS word and use spellcheck.

Also, did Rebel just say that his parents were Masamune and Madoka? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? (Sorry for caps)
Madoka thinks Masamune of an overimaginative child that cries when he figures he's not what he thinks he is. Still, that made me jump.