[Beyblade Story] Conquest - Thunder Dome - Dec. 01, 2012
I decided to try to make a story. If you want a character made by you in it then PM me. Follow this format
Name:
Age:
Bey: (Real parts only)
Look:
Personality:
Part 1
The T.V turned on and it showed a tournament was coming. The blader watching was none other than the towns best. Rai and his beyblade Ifraid Ifraid 230 MF. He dialed his friends number and started talking.
"Hey Chris, you coming to the tournament tomorrow?" said Rai.
"Yeah me and Basalt Aquario 160 PD are going to win." said Chris.
"Well I can't wait to battle again, next time I win it will be the 100th time in a row" said Rai.
"See you later" said Chris.
Chris then hung up. He couldn't take how Rai kept bragging that he was better every time they spoke. He just wanted to win so bad.
"Maybe a walk will help." said Chris
He went on his walk. Right when he almost walked 1 mile a dark figure approached.
"You wanna win?" said the man
"Of course I do, I lose all my battles." said Chris with excitement.
"Heres a good blade, Gargoyle Gargoyle E230 RB" said the man with a smirk on his face.
Chris eagerly took the blade, but then all of a sudden a dark surge went through his body.
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!" Chris yelled.
The man then vanished.
"Rai won't stand a chance next time, his soul will be devoured be my blade" said Chris
At the park
"3, 2, 1 go shoot." yelled Rai.
His blade clashed against his opponents Flame Bull 145 WB. The blade stood no chance to Ifraid. Rai used the power of Ifraid's smash to KO the other blade.
"Victory." said Rai as he grabbed his blade.
"I can't lose." said Rai with a chuckle on his face.
Then a blade was launched in the arena and released energy. All the people at the park got pushed back from the evil energy. Then a familiar face showed up.
"How you doing Rai?" said Chris with rage.
Rai barely standing mumbled something.
"Chris, is that you?" said Rai about ready to collapse.
"Yes it's me and my blade Gargoyle Gargoyle E230 RB and I'm here to win a battle get ready." Chris said.
Rai who could never back down from a challenge excepted the offer. They both launched there blades and the battle started. Both were relentless and never would hold back. Ifraid kept trying to KO, but it wasn't working.
"What's happening?" said Rai with confusion.
"I'm winning, thats what's happening." said the evil Chris
Ifraid and Rai kept giving their all, but it didn't seem to be working. Then Gargoyle went from defending to attacking with full force. Rai and Ifraid couldn't keep up. Ifriad slowly started to lose spin.
"Ifriad, you can do it." yelled Rai with strong faith.
Chris looked like he wasn't trying. Then a dark storm appeared.
"Go Gargoyle special move Vance Storm!" shouted Chris
Dark energy went around Ifraid and it stopped spinning.
"No, how could I lose." said Rai.
"I won." said Chris with a winning smile.
"Meet you in the tournament Rai, can't wait to win again." Chris said.
Chris then walked away with a evil smile.
Rai looked at Ifraid and saw scratches all over it. Then Rai saw something come down his face something he doesn't normally see, tears. Then at that moment Rai said something.
"I will beat Chris at any cost and snap him out of whatever he is in" said Rai.
Then he headed straight for the shop to fix his beyblade.
Bladers from everywhere started swarming the arena. Today was the day of the tournament.
"Let the tournament begin!" yelled Blader DJ as the crowd screamed with excitement.
Round 1 kicked off with a bang. Win or lose bladers still had fun and cheered each other on. Now this round would be Rai VS Kon.
"You ready to fight my ninja style of blading" said Kon, but then he noticed Rai "Are you even listening?".
"Sorry just sucking in the glory." sai Rai as he attached his blade on his launcher.
"3, 2, 1 go shoot!" shouted everybody in the arena and then the battle started.
Ifraid was using it's power to try to KO Kon blades, but Kon's blade Death Bull BD145 RS was hard to KO. Rai remembered something though. In a battle where he tried to use all his attack against a defense he lost. Then he eased off from all his attacks and started tornado stalling.
"This is where my style comes in weakling." said Kon with confidence.
Then in an instant Death Bull started attacking Ifraid making it jump up and down.
"Ifraid don't give up we can do this." Rai said with energy.
Death Bull stopped attacking and went back to it's sturdy defense. Ifraid was losing, but Rai wouldn't give up. Then he remembered what Chris did against him. A special move. He wondered if he could just think of one and make it. Rai thought of a move with fire and speed.
"IFRAID SPECIAL MOVE FLAMING ACCELERATION!!!" yelled Rai with all his force and might.
Ifraid then turned into fire and started spinning around the stadium like a maniac. Bang. It made Death Bull lose a lot of spin.
"Finish it" said Rai as Ifraid KOed Death Bull.
"And the winner is Rai and Ifraid" said Blader DJ then the crowd yelled with excitement.
"Good job Rai" said Kon "Now win this tournament"
"Thanks I'll remember that" said Rai
"The was the last match of today" said Blader DJ "All the winners and anyone who wants come back tomorrow to watch be prepared for Round 2".
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Dual - Dec. 01, 2012
Its ok. Theres some repetition though like-
"Victory." said Rai as he grabbed his blade.
"I can't lose." said Rai with a chuckle on his face.
Try to make it more like-
"Victory." Ray said, grabbing his blade. "I can't lose."
Also, it may not seem like much but all the "said Chris" and "said Rai" gets kind of boring. You could do something more along the lines of-
"Chris said" and "Rai smiled". And when a character says something, then they say something else without interruption, you don't need to say "said (name)". Also in like the third to last line, you changed from past to present tense. Besides that, its good!
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Thunder Dome - Dec. 01, 2012
(Dec. 01, 2012 2:52 AM)Curious George Wrote: Its ok. Theres some repetition though like-
"Victory." said Rai as he grabbed his blade.
"I can't lose." said Rai with a chuckle on his face.
Try to make it more like-
"Victory." Ray said, grabbing his blade. "I can't lose."
Also, it may not seem like much but all the "said Chris" and "said Rai" gets kind of boring. You could do something more along the lines of-
"Chris said" and "Rai smiled". And when a character says something, then they say something else without interruption, you don't need to say "said (name)". Also in like the third to last line, you changed from past to present tense. Besides that, its good! Thanks. Next part I will make it better.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Dual - Dec. 01, 2012
Ok, can't wait! Keep up the good work!
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - kyoyatategami - Dec. 01, 2012
good story but there is no asking for character requests
look at this thread
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-RULES-It-is-imperative-that-everyone-reads-this
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Dual - Dec. 01, 2012
(Dec. 01, 2012 3:02 AM)kyoyatategami Wrote: good story but there is no asking for character requests
look at this thread
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-RULES-It-is-imperative-that-everyone-reads-this "Roleplay is not allowed, full stop. Do not confuse them with character requests. And as always, follow the writer's format."
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Tri - Dec. 01, 2012
Neat story, although punctuation needs work. You didn't have good use of commas. Good job, though!
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Thunder Dome - Dec. 01, 2012
(Dec. 01, 2012 3:18 AM)Tri Wrote: Neat story, although punctuation needs work. You didn't have good use of commas. Good job, though! Yeah, I just realized that. I'll make sure the next story will be better with punctuation.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Conquest - Thunder Dome - Dec. 01, 2012
Part 2 is up check it out.
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