World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Printable Version

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Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

Prolouge

Chapter 1 "The salvation of the pentagon"
Chapter 2: A new mission
Reply if you liked it or not. If I messed up on something, tell me, don't hide it forever. Speak out.


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Dual - Sep. 19, 2012

Just a few spaces were there should be spaces and there arent but otherwise pretty good. How did you know my name was Alec?


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

Your name is Alec, I didn't even know (just kidding!!!! It was said on your thread on the "Introduce Yourself" forum).


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Dual - Sep. 19, 2012

Oh yah, that was so long ago i forgot Xd!


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

Hah, can't believe you actually forgot where you put personal information.


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Cookie Bouquets - Sep. 19, 2012

Hmmm, yoir dialogue is formattrd wrong.

Ex.

"I'm awesome," I say.
"Shut up Shirayuki!!!" you reply.
You slap me across the face.


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 19, 2012

Hmm...
Interesting plot, few grammatical mistakes, and it's all bunched up.
(Example: You put "safe" instead of "save" in the last line of the prolouge.)
Try to fix that.
Good luck. Smile


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

where?? I can't see where I messed up.


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Cookie Bouquets - Sep. 19, 2012

Second line in chapter 1


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - ghost22 - Sep. 19, 2012

hard to read but its nice


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

seriously, i cant find it


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - Cookie Bouquets - Sep. 19, 2012

Dialogue needs its own seperate line!

Like I said, read my dialogue guide... I am on my phone and I dun want to dig into the chapter and fix the mistakes.


RE: Beyblade: A hero's battle for humanity!! - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 19, 2012

OK, I'll fix some stuff. Not everything though.