World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade Story) - Printable Version

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Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade Story) - SwiftShadow - Jun. 11, 2011

Congratulations to XwailingX for winning the Make a Monster Contest!

Hey everyone, this is a Non-Beyblade Story which I have been working on for a while. I have finished two chapters, but I am only going to upload the first one for now. If there are some good reviews or a demand for new chapters, I will upload others. If I do upload more, they will be uploaded a few days in advance to another site. If you like the story, you can go to the link or click the image in my signature, and join to read it before it comes up here. Lastly, Constructive criticism is appreciated, so if you see any errors or things that can be improved, please let me know.

Chapter 1:
 
Chapter 2, Part 1:
 
Chapter 2, Part 2:
 
Chapter 3 Part 1:

Chapter 3 Part 2:

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5: Chapter 5:

THE BECOME A FAN FEATURE!!! (Yes, I got it from Facebook...) This feature is a new thing where anyone can become a fan and they will get notified by PM when there are new updates, and may even be considered if I make a story consultant group. All that you have to do is post here saying that you want to be a fan and use this user bar in your signature.

This feature will let me know that people like the series and therefore, I will wrote faster and the chapters might even be better. If you like the story, please, Please, PLEASE BECOME A FAN!

Fans: Terra Blazer and Amber Rosario


RE: Lost in Darkness - Light Yagami - Jun. 11, 2011

this story is amazing it has great description and isnt too choppy keep up the good work


RE: Lost in Darkness - Sparta - Jun. 12, 2011

...Wow. That is one loooooong a** chapter.

It's great to see some new writers on here, as opposed to some of the carp I usually see. Lately, though, more and more good writers are popping up on this site, like you Smile. Because you're good, I'm picking here, but here's a few suggestions:

1) Your writing style throughout the story is sporadic, meaning it tends to vary. In the beginning, you were writing from your characters POV as if he were a very serious, literal character. Then, you show him to be very dry and sarcastic. In the beginning of any good story, you want character to have one major trait, and focus on that.
2) A few technical things; you want to make sure you're indenting lines for dialogue, so the format isn't just a bunch of blocks of text. As a reader, that isn't physically appealing, and it looks jumbled and messy. Indent your dialogue so it looks more appealing Smile

Yup, I was really digging there, and that's a good thing. Keep up the nice work!


RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jun. 12, 2011

Thanks for the advice! I''ll try to work on the thing with the character, but I have never really been good at characterization, and I'm not really sure where I want this character to go at this point. He is going to change a lot over a series of events that I have planned, one major one, but I'm sort of debating what he should be like right now. As for the indentations, I will fix that later. I'm on my iPad right now, and can't do it at the moment, but I'll fix it as soon as I can.


RE: Lost in Darkness - Xlr8 - Jun. 12, 2011

wow nice loved it its awesome it rocked haha that mean it's a wonderful story keep writing more chapters i really liked it


RE: Lost in Darkness - TenshouTsubasa - Jun. 12, 2011

Hey ,nice heading.
It's really good.


RE: Lost in Darkness - S.D.C - Jun. 12, 2011

Great story, keep on writing. I like how you describe the story and how you seem to have thought a lot abut the plot, which is what makes it good. And you left us on a cliffhanger Smile


RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jun. 13, 2011

Thanks for the feedback guys. I can't get the formatting to work right, but I'll keep trying. I'm going to upload part o Chapter 2 in a few days, but if you guys want to read it now, it is on http://beybladefiction.freeforums.org/index.php Please, join the site and read some of the other stories there as well if you want to read this earlier.


RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jun. 15, 2011

Hello again everyone. Here is part of Chapter 2, I will upload the rest of it on Thursday or Friday. Over the next few weeks, you guys can expect a lot more, because I am done with real classes as of today, so I have a lot more time not doing homework. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 2:



RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jun. 20, 2011

Sorry for a triple post, but Chapter 2, Part 2 is here!

Chapter 2, Part 2:



RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jul. 07, 2011

Why is it that whenever I make a story it's mostly just me double and triple posting? Oh well...
Here's Chapter 3 Part 1! Those of you also on Beyblade Fiction have already had the chance to read this. Part 2 should be finished in 2 days, but I'm going on vacation and it I'll be posted on Beyblade Fiction first, so I don't know when it will be up here.

Chapter 3 Part 1:



RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jul. 13, 2011

I just got back from vacation and wanted to tell everyone that today is going to be a big day for this series. Chapter 3 Part 2, which is the length of its own chapter, but it is very closely related to chapter 3 so I am making it a part 2, will be released on both here and Beyblade Fiction. Also, a new feature is going to become a part of this series, but I'm not going to reveal anything about it yet. If you like this story, make sure that you check this later today to see what improvements have been made.


RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jul. 14, 2011

Here is the update!

Sorry that it is so late, but I was out all day. Chapter 3 Part 2 is done, and a new feature had been added to the series. The BECOME A FAN feature!!! (Yes, I got it from Facebook...) This feature is a new thing where anyone can become a fan and they will get notified by PM when there are new updates, and may even be considered if I make a story consultant group. All that you have to do is post here saying that you want to be a fan and use this user bar in your signature.
[Image: ubd3012.png]
This feature will let me know that people like the series and therefore, I will wrote faster and the chapters might even be better. If you like the series, please, Please, PLEASE BECOME A FAN!

Chapter 3 Part 2:

EDIT: If anyone looked at the opening within the last 25 minutes and it was messed up, I'm sorry. It's fixed now!


RE: Lost in Darkness - SwiftShadow - Jul. 14, 2011

Sorry for posting seven times in a row, but I have an announcement. I was just checking over my plans for the story and realized that I am one monster short of what I wanted. I thought that it would be a cool idea if I let someone else make a monster, so it is now the start of the
Make a Monster Contest!

For this contest, I'm asking anyone to just submit a monster that could be used in the story. Try to make it a strong monster though, sort of like a boss in a video game. At the end of the contest, I will pick the monster that is the most creative or the one that can be used the best in the story. All monsters have to follow this format:

Monster Name: This is self explanatory.
Characteristics: Describe the size and appearance (features, colors, etc.) of it.
Environment: Where this monster would be found.
Weapons: This can be something like a real weapon or something like claws or a spiky tail. Anything that the monster would use to fight with should go here.
Fighting Style: Describe how the monster fights. Does it recklessly charge in, does it weaken others from afar, does it try to camouflage, etc.

All entries should be in before August 4th, although this date may change. That's pretty much everything. Chapter 4 should be finished before Sunday.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Jul. 27, 2011

Wow, this is my EIGHTH post in a row, and I'm really late. I'm done with chapter 4, and will probably start working on chapter 5 soon. Unfortunately, I have had camp last week, have it this week, and will have it for the next two weeks, so I have no idea when I will be able to update this. Until then, I would really appreciate it if people would post some feedback here. Just tell me what you think, what you like, what you don't like, what I should change, etc.

I would also like to take this time to appologize to everyone who might find this story confusing. I'm one of those writers that comes up with a complex plot that can be confusing, but it all comes together in the end. Also, I want to help everyone relate to the main character's emotions. He is lost in his life and really doesn't know what is going on. I though that it could be cool if you guys could experience that too, it is called LOST In Darkness after all. It might seem to get more confusing over the next few chapters, and maybe even more towards the ending, but I promise that it will all make sense at the very end.

Here is Chapter 4:



RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - Septentrione - Jul. 30, 2011

Hey! Long time! Anyway great story! I like reading about fantasy and swords a lot!
Also: I'd like to be first to request a monster!
Name: Kalygura
Characteristics: A medium to large sized, beast like monster that can walk on either 4 legs or it's hind legs.
It also has two wing-like openings in it's back that releases Freezing winds Which the Kalygura uses to propel itself forwards or upwards... Despite this ability, it lacks the ability to fly.
It also has the ability to make Icy blades from it's arms Whic it uses to decapitate the
competition.
EnvironmentTongue_outolar regions, Mountain Peaks and Cities
Weapons: The other ones were already described up there, additional weapons:
Icy Spike Tail
Ice cold flame breath (Fire so hot it freezes Smile )
Strong hind legs
Fighting Style:
Intelligent, It observes first... Then chooses from it's arsenal of weapons to deal greatest damage
After that stage, it recklessly charges in Smile


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Jul. 30, 2011

Thanks for entering the contest. This monster actually goes really well with what I've been planning, and seeing as you are the only one who has entered so far and the contest ends in about five days, you might have a good chance of winning. Also, thanks for posting to break my never-ending posting streak, and for telling me what you think about the story.

Chapter five is halfway done, and it might be the longest chapter yet. I'm hoping to have it done by the 5th or 4th of August, but that might change due to camp and other activities.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - Terra Blazer - Jul. 30, 2011

I'm so going to be a fan of this story. I've only seen a few stories that could be compared to this in terms of quality, and those were mainly night's stories, Dei's Sword of Diamonds, and Kavasiki's God's Pawn. I think I might write a story somewhat similarly once i actually get some English classes in school


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - Septentrione - Jul. 30, 2011

Alright! Thanks! And awwww...I was actually wanting competition... Oh well!
Also what chapter is the monster gunna be in!


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Jul. 30, 2011

Terra Blazer: Yay! First Fan!!! Thanks for showing your support and good luck on the story that you're thinking about writing.

@XwailingX: I can't really say for certain what chapter it is going to be in as of now, but it won't be too far off in the future.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Aug. 01, 2011

Just wanted to remind everyone that it is August 1st, and the Make a Monster Contest will be ending very soon. I have finished all that can do of Chapter 5 and 6, and I will upload 5 shortly after the winner is announced. In the mean time, I'll be working on Chapter 7, so there shouldn't be a lot of waiting time between these chapters, unless camp interferes.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Aug. 04, 2011

Four and a half hours left of the make a monster contest. I'll announce the winner at about 6 or 7, since I have camp until about 6. So far, only one entry has been sent in. After the contest is finished, I'll finsih up chapter five and it should be up on Friday or Saturday.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - SwiftShadow - Aug. 05, 2011

So the contest wasn't much of a contest after all. XwailingX and his monster Kalygura win! Chapter five will be posted tonight, since I'll have time to finish it on my car ride to Delaware. I'll post it as soon as I get to my Grandfathers house, or if I randomly get Internet on the way there.


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - Septentrione - Aug. 05, 2011

Yes! I won! Thanks SwiftShadow!


RE: Lost In Darkness (Non-Beyblade story. Make a Monster contest has started!) - Amber Rosario - Aug. 07, 2011

ah, my bro is a fan of this story. you have your 2nd fan, SwiftShadow <3