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+--- Thread: The New Dawn [NEW CHAPTER RELEASED] (/Thread-The-New-Dawn-NEW-CHAPTER-RELEASED)
The New Dawn [NEW CHAPTER RELEASED] - Minho - May. 30, 2011
PROLOGUE
The breathing. It always starts with the breathing, at least, today it did. The world has changed, im not sure what year it is, but things are bad. Every day i wake up and its usually the same thing... Coughing, crying, mourning. Today was different. Im not sure how or why but it was. I was breathing. It had been nearly a year now since my family was killed. All thats left is my Launcher in my hand and my Bey in my pocket. I put on my hood and walked outside of my little shelter. This is where the real struggle began.
***
I walked outside to the witness the great destruction around me, still there was battling, cries of 'LET IT RIP!' were heard everywhere. Let it Rip. Those were the last words of my father. To some, Beyblade was a game, a toy, a spinning top... it meant more to me, so much more, so much more...LET IT RIP
"Dad i can see the exit!"
I walked towards the tiny block of light i could see, my brother behind me put his hand on my shoulder.
"Chance, everyday you are getting stronger, you and your bey will destroy any evil in your way!
I smiled at my brother and thanked him. He was like the wind beneath my wings when we were'nt fighting. Life looked great. Its too bad my life had basically ended that day. I had thought i had seen light, but it was the shining of the forbidden Bey: Dark Huitzilopochtli, named after an Aztec god by some man called Tatsuma Kamatze. In that cave we found my uncle. My uncle was turned evil by the man Tatsuma Kamatze and although i cannot kill my uncle I am determined to defeat Tatsuma! In that cave my uncle, Shadow, had harnessed the power of Dark Huitzilopochtli, but he could not control it. During the fight between my father and my uncle I hid, my brother and mother protecting me. While my father fought the forbidden Bey exploded and killed my family. Only i was spared... If i could rewind time, me and my bey: Light Akuma, would have helped. But i can't rewind time...
***
I walked out of the shelter to see why there was a beybattle happening at the moment.
OOOF!
"hey man you better watch where you're going!" a voice said.
I looked around and saw a roughed up, dirty face in my view.
"you!" he screamed at me, "I challenge you, right now!"
"You will not stop me..." I stared at him. He said nothing. He was for real.
I attached my Bey to my Launcher. I grinned at him,
"3, 2, 1, LET IT RIP"
I pulled the string.
***
"You're going down man!!!"
The beys circled each other, waiting for the other to make a move. The oponents bey flinched and my Akuma move in!
SLAM!!!
The bey rebound of the wall... they were facing each other off weaving in and out of each other. The oponents bey was struggling.
CLINK! CLUNK! CLINK!
The metal was grinding so loud!
"GO LIGHT AKUMA! AERIAL STRIKE!"
Instantly, Akuma was lifted into the air, shining brighter than the sun! Then, Suddenly...
KABLAM!!!!
The oponents bey stopped spinning, and i walked off.
IF YOU'RE NOT WITH ME...
I walked off into the sunrise.
"HEY!!! Wait up!" the kid puffed.
I stopped turned and looked at him strangely.
"hey kid," i replied "sorry, but your too easy." I grinned
He looked up at me as if to say something but it couldn't come out!
"catch your breath" i said.
The kid looked up
"I'm Takashi, I'm coming with you."
***
I have to say, the kid really, really surprised me!
"no, no, no ,no, no, no, no! you are NOT coming with me," I growled.
The kid just looked up at me, as if he was about to cry,
"fine," i sulked, "you can come."
we ran up to the last remains od Dendog City. In the early days Dendog City was thriving! It brought back so many memories, they all just flooded back to me, but their was one i kept. It was my father. It was Light Akuma. It was how i found it...
THEN YOUR AGAINST ME
"Dad?"
"Come on, Dad!"
I looked up, there was crystals everywhere, shiny metal! They were beyblades... Dad had said all beyblades were special, he even said some would fight against evil and some would oppress good! I was fascinated by all this!
"Chance! Chance are you here?" my dad had called me. I remember all this. a faint memory of what was no longer reality, as i remembered the rest, a dark memory came, then all that was left was pain...
***
"dude you are one messed up kid."
i looked at him, dumbfounded
"what the hell are you talking about?"
he looked at me wierdly then replied
"well you were just talking to yourself... you were like 'dad i found it!' and 'look dad, look' and then you were like 'aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh' because you were screaming in pain... it was cool!"
I glowered at him.
"Shut up kid"
"I have a name!"
"TAKASHI SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Takashi was quiet.
"whats this all about?" he asked
"i can't tell you."
I remembered everything in that moment, it was uncontrollable.
The tears flooded out.
LEAVING DENDOG
We walked off, leaving Dendog City and heading off to Mystic Ruins where we would rest for the night.
"So why are we off to Mystic Ruins again?" Takashi asked
"i need to do something"
Mystic Ruins is where the bit - beast's rested. I was needing guidance so i would need to ask them for wisdom, namely Akuma.
***
While Takashi and i moved out of the Dendog city we encountered several bladers... each one was finished off easily. Takashi was worn out so we had to rest for a while.
"So why did you scream?" Takashi asked me.
I knew I couldn't hold it in. It was going to come out whether i like it or not.
"It's about my past" I replied "I can't tell you right now..."
Thankfully, Takashi dropped it but i knew he was going to keep asking...
And it was going to eat me alive, bit by bit...
NEXT CHAPTER: AKUMA
RE: The New Dawn - Xlr8 - May. 30, 2011
wow nice prologue when u will start with the story if u post a new chapter so please inform me through pm
RE: The New Dawn - CyberBlader27 - May. 30, 2011
Nice! *Thumbs up* It's that epic angst that we've all come to know and love...
RE: The New Dawn - Dr. Peace - May. 30, 2011
wow, nice prologue, good combination of different element. The reader can felt the situation you just stated but try to avoid any repitition. L0ve it. Pm me when the next chapter c0mes out.
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - May. 31, 2011
new chapters up!
RE: The New Dawn - Xlr8 - Jun. 08, 2011
nice provo. dude keep it up when the next chapter comes pm me
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jun. 21, 2011
new chapter up... second chapter isn't finished yet.
RE: The New Dawn - TenshouTsubasa - Jun. 21, 2011
Quite good, but the story is kind of short and straight-forward.
(Maybe it is because it's the first chapter)
You didn't describe what is Akuma, so I am quite confused at the beginning.
However this is not a bad opening,so keep it up, and you're going to be successful.
RE: The New Dawn - RowDog - Jun. 21, 2011
Nice story! A few mistakes but I like the whole story and am wondering where this is gonna go. Is this like some bey apocalypse setting? Kinda strange but I kinda like it. I just don't know why.
RE: The New Dawn - TakasuMouce - Jun. 23, 2011
Really good story. I LOVED it. It's kinda emotional.
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jun. 23, 2011
Thanks guys... Don't think it's a bad story please... It will all make sense in the end. Thanks guys...
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jun. 29, 2011
okay new chapters are up!
RE: The New Dawn - Iakou - Jun. 29, 2011
Cool, i really like ti
RE: The New Dawn - RowDog - Jun. 29, 2011
Why is the poll about your prologue instead of the whole story in general? It's the story which matters, not the prologue.
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 08, 2011
when i made the post it was only the prologue... when i write my stories i get feedback for the prologue... if its good i keep writing if its bad i stop...
RE: The New Dawn - Sasukia - Jul. 08, 2011
Amazing! I like the way you write, Try doing more poem like things! Or even stories!
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 08, 2011
hey, thx i occasionally write raps but now im into stories so.... anyway the rest of the story for now...
RE: The New Dawn - Imperial - Jul. 08, 2011
Great story I like it but how do u pronounce the forbidden bey's name?
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 08, 2011
hehehehehehehe.... yer i've had problems with that one.... im pretty sure its said like this:
hee-UUTZZ-iLO-poch-tLI
or something like that... XD
RE: The New Dawn - Imperial - Jul. 08, 2011
(Jul. 08, 2011 12:27 AM)Bunnii2165 Wrote: hehehehehehehe.... yer i've had problems with that one.... im pretty sure its said like this:
hee-UUTZZ-iLO-poch-tLI
or something like that... XD
Ha Ha that's funny
One more question how did u make that name did u randomly think of it
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 08, 2011
err well honestly no...
part of writing is also researching...
im mexican so the forbidden Bey's name comes from the aztec god Huitzilopochtli and since its the bad bey in my story its Dark.
Chance's Bey is called Light Akuma...
Akuma is a japanese god and in my story its the good bey therefore its light...
so there ya go!!!
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 08, 2011
Coming Soon:
The next chapter in Chance's Story: Leaving Dendog.
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Jul. 12, 2011
its still in this thread though!
RE: The New Dawn - Minho - Aug. 22, 2011
Okay so i have continued on with The New Dawn... i know the last few chapters have been short but the next one: AKUMA is going to be long and most probably violent and in two parts. It reveals a lot of disturbing facts about Chance's past. It will have some non - beyblade related violence and mentions some murders and other disturbing things. it won't be too dark or deep. It will be quite mild but still... im letting you know. Readers discretion advised.