W.B.B.A.A-The Lost Files of Agent Otori...My Last Story Here?

(Jun. 11, 2011  12:45 AM)SDamonCronous Wrote: Great story, like all the others I have read by you. I like how you describe the surroundings as well (that is something that many stories here fail to do well). I feel proud to have made you that sig, and if you ever want a knew one come back. Sad to see you may now write any new stories, they are all fantastic...
Haha, ok thank you Smile.
(Jun. 11, 2011  7:05 AM)xlr8 Wrote: dude i m sad because it's ur last but i like this story and loved ur stories too hope u change ur mind soon
Yeah, sorry about that guys. It's not like I'm going to stop updating my current stories on here, but I need a break for a while to rest and take it easy-and that means no new stories for at least a year or so Unhappy. I apologize if I'm letting you all down...
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
a whole year before you write another story
I posted some of the next chapter to hold you guys off for now. Read and review, if it pleases you.
good chapter but you might what to describe the new chacter that has appeaared. like what he looks like and the same for the 2 chacter in chapter 1
Ok, finished the first chapter. Critique tastes good, and I'm really hungry, so please review!
Okay. I have a lot of things to say:
1. Thank you for all your great stories on the WBO. I think you've honored every reader on this site. It is a pleasure reading your stories. Thanks a lot.
2. I love how you describe. It's so vivid. Almost perfect word choice. You have the force, my son.
3. Writing from a point of view you've never done before. It's...... well...... good
4. I'm not happy or sad. Well I'm both. Disappointing that you're leaving but great you are going off to a better place. Good luck in the real world as a professional. You'll go far.

EDIT: Read my BeyStory. I need tips on description
(Jun. 12, 2011  7:15 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: Okay. I have a lot of things to say:
1. Thank you for all your great stories on the WBO. I think you've honored every reader on this site. It is a pleasure reading your stories. Thanks a lot.
2. I love how you describe. It's so vivid. Almost perfect word choice. You have the force, my son.
3. Writing from a point of view you've never done before. It's...... well...... good
4. I'm not happy or sad. Well I'm both. Disappointing that you're leaving but great you are going off to a better place. Good luck in the real world as a professional. You'll go far.

EDIT: Read my BeyStory. I need tips on description

Haha, ok. I'll check it out, and thanks for the advice.

Any errors? Something I should fix?
There were my edits!..... Er, yeah. The only one you used was the tuna-smelling one.
again like i said before describe what they look like but other then that its amazing
(Jun. 12, 2011  10:48 PM)GaHooleone Wrote: There were my edits!..... Er, yeah. The only one you used was the tuna-smelling one.

And the line spacing. I stopped being lazy Smile hooray for actually getting off my lazy bum and doing something with my life!
School ends tuesday (as in a week from today) and homework has calmed down, so once I finish my next few finals (I.E. Honors English 1, Honors World History, and Geometry) I can update. Hooray!
(Jun. 12, 2011  10:45 PM)Sparta Wrote:
(Jun. 12, 2011  7:15 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: Okay. I have a lot of things to say:
1. Thank you for all your great stories on the WBO. I think you've honored every reader on this site. It is a pleasure reading your stories. Thanks a lot.
2. I love how you describe. It's so vivid. Almost perfect word choice. You have the force, my son.
3. Writing from a point of view you've never done before. It's...... well...... good
4. I'm not happy or sad. Well I'm both. Disappointing that you're leaving but great you are going off to a better place. Good luck in the real world as a professional. You'll go far.

EDIT: Read my BeyStory. I need tips on description

Haha, ok. I'll check it out, and thanks for the advice.

Any errors? Something I should fix?

ga'hooleone took all mine. XD but i think you need to add a few short scentences for effect
(Jun. 18, 2011  4:30 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote:
(Jun. 12, 2011  10:45 PM)Sparta Wrote:
(Jun. 12, 2011  7:15 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: Okay. I have a lot of things to say:
1. Thank you for all your great stories on the WBO. I think you've honored every reader on this site. It is a pleasure reading your stories. Thanks a lot.
2. I love how you describe. It's so vivid. Almost perfect word choice. You have the force, my son.
3. Writing from a point of view you've never done before. It's...... well...... good
4. I'm not happy or sad. Well I'm both. Disappointing that you're leaving but great you are going off to a better place. Good luck in the real world as a professional. You'll go far.

EDIT: Read my BeyStory. I need tips on description

Haha, ok. I'll check it out, and thanks for the advice.

Any errors? Something I should fix?

ga'hooleone took all mine. XD but i think you need to add a few short scentences* for effect

*Sentences

But yeah, ok. I see where you're coming from. I'll do that.
Today is officially the first day of summer for me, and because of that I'm in a great mood! To kick my summer off write (get it?) I'm going to write the next chapter today!
Hooray! I can't wait. I really liked the first chapter and I do hope Tsubasa finds his best friend.
Um just a question... Will Tsubasa take part in Beybattles with Earth Aquila or will it only be Tsubasa doing
agent activities??
(Jun. 22, 2011  2:46 PM)Sparta Wrote: Today is officially the first day of summer for me, and because of that I'm in a great mood! To kick my summer off write (get it?) I'm going to write the next chapter today!

lucky you. up here summer is ages away
(Jun. 23, 2011  8:05 AM)Sin-hunter Wrote: Hooray! I can't wait. I really liked the first chapter and I do hope Tsubasa finds his best friend.
.....I don't mean to burst your bubble, but Aquilla is dead....Unhappy
(Jun. 23, 2011  8:27 AM)sum 472 Wrote: Um just a question... Will Tsubasa take part in Beybattles with Earth Aquila or will it only be Tsubasa doing
agent activities??
Both, at the same time. His missions will involve beybattles
(Jun. 23, 2011  1:56 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2011  2:46 PM)Sparta Wrote: Today is officially the first day of summer for me, and because of that I'm in a great mood! To kick my summer off write (get it?) I'm going to write the next chapter today!

lucky you. up here summer is ages away

are you in canada, with year round school or something?
-Looks at first part of comment-

WHAT?!RXDCFTGVBHJNKLM

Guess that helps create his personality during MFB season 1, and those flashbacks during season 2, huh?

Oh boy, Sin-hunter (insert facebook-style tags here) will be crying in her room somewhere...
(Jun. 23, 2011  6:48 PM)GaHooleone Wrote: -Looks at first part of comment-

WHAT?!RXDCFTGVBHJNKLM

Guess that helps create his personality during MFB season 1, and those flashbacks during season 2, huh?

Oh boy, Sin-hunter (insert facebook-style tags here) will be crying in his room somewhere...

You mean her room ^^"

(Jun. 23, 2011  4:26 PM)Sparta Wrote: .....I don't mean to burst your bubble, but Aquilla is dead....Unhappy
Awwww, poor Aquilla. Tsubasa is alone now with no best friend. I wonder what happened now I really can't wait for the next chapter.
2nd chapter is up!
(Jun. 24, 2011  8:33 AM)Sin-hunter Wrote:
(Jun. 23, 2011  6:48 PM)GaHooleone Wrote: -Looks at first part of comment-

WHAT?!RXDCFTGVBHJNKLM

Guess that helps create his personality during MFB season 1, and those flashbacks during season 2, huh?

Oh boy, Sin-hunter (insert facebook-style tags here) will be crying in his room somewhere...

You mean her room ^^"

(Jun. 23, 2011  4:26 PM)Sparta Wrote: .....I don't mean to burst your bubble, but Aquilla is dead....Unhappy
Awwww, poor Aquilla. Tsubasa is alone now with no best friend. I wonder what happened now I really can't wait for the next chapter.

Haha, sorry. There is good news, but it comes in file 3. For now, you'll just have to mourn...
Erm, just one correction for the 2nd chapter...
All I noticed is that you wrote "nothing exited me"
while it should be "nothing excited me". Just a typo on your part I guess.
It's a brilliant story, it grabbed my attention straight away, 10/10. I can't wait for Part:3. Keep up the good work dude.
(Jun. 24, 2011  7:34 PM)Manicben Wrote: Erm, just one correction for the 2nd chapter...
All I noticed is that you wrote "nothing exited me"
while it should be "nothing excited me". Just a typo on your part I guess.
Fixed that and a few other things.
(Jun. 24, 2011  7:44 PM)TheBestPegasus Wrote: It's a brilliant story, it grabbed my attention straight away, 10/10. I can't wait for Part:3. Keep up the good work dude.

Thank you Joyful_2. Any suggestions?