The Darkness Within(Beyblade Story)

Poll: What is my story?

Awesome!
70.00%
7
Good
20.00%
2
Ok
10.00%
1
Kinda bad
0%
0
Sucks!
0%
0
Total: 100% 10 vote(s)
Chapter 1:
After his Grandfather's death of a stabbing,Reiki strolled down the street after exiting the hospital with tears rolling down his eyes .
Reiki"Why?Why did he have to die at a time like this ?"
Reiki sniffled and took out his Bey,Earth Aries CH120WD,and looked at it.This Bey was something his Grandfather gave him when he was 5.Now,he was 11 and had a tournament that his Grandfather would train him for .But now,he had to train himself .He went to his Father's Beyshop and to his Father .
Father:"Reiki,I'm sorry about your Grandfather.People can't last forever ."
Reiki:"It's okay Dad.I'm gonna go to the BeyTraining Room and train ."
Father:"Okay Reiki,I'm gonna get the fresh shipment of parts upstairs and put them up ."
Reiki's Father went upstairs and Reiki went into the Training Room.Inside the Training Room,there were 10 BeyStadiums ,8 BeyTa machines ,12 Automatic Bey Cleaners ,5 Vending Machines ,and Restrooms .There weren't any people there because it was Super Bowl Sunday and they stayed home to watch the big game.
Reiki:"Hmm,which thing should I try today???Oh,I know,the cleaner machine.My Aries is getting really dirty."
As Reiki was going to put Aries in the machine,people who were in armor and had guns that shot Beys came down from the sky.
Reiki:"What the???The HD Academy...I knew it."
People surrounded the whole building and Dr.Ziggurat came down carrying his Ferret that Reiki thought had Rabies.The HD Academy always were enemies against the Hiwazara family.Reiki's Grandfather defended this city with his friends when he was Reiki's age.(Reiki's Grandfather's friends are Reiki's friend's grandparents)
Dr.Ziggurat:"Ah,Reiki,how is your day so far?"
Reiki:"With you here,bad."
Dr.Ziggurat:"Reiki,Reiki,Reiki,you with your bad temper."
Reiki:"Shut Up!"
Dr.Ziggurat:"Now,don't raise your voice if you don't want me to turn your friends into Hyper Bladers,don't you?"(Hyper Bladers are bladers stronger than Damian and Zeo that get...how do I put this??Um...transformed?into Bladers with increadable strength like the Arrange System)
Reiki:"What?!?!?Release my friends!"(Reiki's friends were in a helicopter)
Dr.Ziggurat:"Only if you win in a battle against me!"
Dr.Ziggurat took out his Bey,Screw Capricorne 90MF
Reiki:"Whatever it takes to save them!"
Dr.Ziggurat:"3!!!"
Reiki:"2!!!"
Both:"1!!!,Goooooo Shoooooot!!!!!!
To Be Continued...
Awsome story Earth Aries!
I Have a character request.
Name: Karuwa (car-u-wa)
Age: 17
Personality: Evil, Karuwa think's beybladeing is all about taking over the world.
And he want's to crush everyone.
Battles only when challenged.
BeyBlade: Meto L'Drago LW100LF
Look's like:His leg's are skiny like Reji's, He were's a red top and dark green pants.
And he is Reiki's worst Enemy.


Bye
From StormPegy
P.S please try and get my character inEee
(Feb. 12, 2011  8:41 AM)StormPegy Wrote: Awsome story Earth Aries!
I Have a character request.
Name: Karuwa (car-u-wa)
Age: 17
Personality: Evil, Karuwa think's beybladeing is all about taking over the world.
And he want's to crush everyone.
Battles only when challenged.
BeyBlade: Meto L'Drago LW100LF
Look's like:His leg's are skiny like Reji's, He were's a red top and dark green pants.
And he is Reiki's worst Enemy.


Bye
From StormPegy
P.S please try and get my character inEee
Ok StormPegy.Your character is gonna be the apprentice or the main.I still need some more character request.
(Feb. 12, 2011  6:39 PM)ShadowZoroark Wrote: Name: Sayomi (Sa-yo-mi)
Personality: Quite Mischevios , Silent yet Powerful
Beyblade : Bombstrike Kerbecs MBD150(Metal Boot Disc) MLF(Metal Left Flat)
Looks: Dark Black Hoodie with Kerbecs Symbol on the back , Dark Jeans
She is Damiens Sister!

Ok,your character is gonna be the apprentice of the main evil dude.And a question.How old is she?
Chapter 2 will be up today or tomorrow.
Name:Gab
Bey:Galaxy Pegasis SW145R2F (Cyber Pegasis clear wheel and face)
Special moveTongue_outoison Over Drive-Its just like the over drive move of cyber pegasis but when the special move is done the enemy bey slowly loses its stamina
can he be a good guy?

Name:Tsume
Gender: male
Age:17
Personality:can outsmart arguments,helpful,cool guy,happy,sometimes destructive.
Beyblade:Hurricane Bull Gb145 Wb
Special move:Hurricane flash

Beyblade type:balance type
Name: Izuma Inzori
BeyBlade: starts with: Silent Ninja MSBSCH85RHF/RS, final form is: Silent Samurai MKSCH85 WRHF/RWD

BeyBlade description:
Face: A shuriken in the middle, between two kantanas and the writing SAMURAI for Silent Samurai and NINJA for Silent Ninja (color: all decals black on silver background)
Silent: think of Lightning with the multi hit mode (renamed Rapid Strike mode) as thick shurikens, and upper mode (renamed Slice mode) as a kantana (color: un-painted)
Samurai: think of Kerbecs + L-Drago I with the 'rings' as shurikens and the dragon heads as kantanas (color; silver)
Ninja: same as Samurai except that the dragon heads are shaped like kunai (color: silver)
MKSCH85: Metal Kantana Spring Change Height 8.5mm – 11.0mm, same as MSBSCH85 except that the Shuriken Blade is changed with 4 kantanas (color: translucent silver for the plastic, un-painted metal for the “blades”)
MSBSCH85: Metal Shuriken Blade Spring Change Height 8.5mm-11mm, think of CH120 with an external shell resembling a shuriken made of metal, when lose, MSBSCH85 can bounce due to the spring within the core of MSBSCH85.
RHF/RS: Rubber Hole Flat / Rubber Sharp (can change during combat at Izuma’s command)
WRHF/RWD: Wide Rubber Hole Flat / Rubber Wide Defense (can change during combat at Izuma’s command (color: translucent silver for plastic, black for the rubber))
Super attacks:
Level 1: “Silent death,” Silent Samurai disappears and hits opponent with a million kunai and shuriken and kantanas
Level 2: “100 Slices of The Samurais’’,” the Metal Shuriken shell on MSBSCH85 swells and smashes the opponent’s bey 100 times, on the 99th time, Silent Ninja halts and circles the stadium 10 times, cheating a black hurricane that flips the opposing bey out of the stadium with a insanely powerful smash from Silent Samurai.
Level X: “Infinite Blade” Samurai appears and slices at the opponent’s bey with such speed and power that the opposing bey instantly stops and flies out of the stadium 10 meters away, breaking it in half. (Last resort, can only be used three times in a year!)
BeyBlade Type: Attack/Defense
Spin Direction: Left
Character bio: Boy, wears Black Armani Exchange T-Shirt with black GUESS jeans and a silver cloak with black flames (cloak is based on Minato from NARUTO) clothes all the time, helpful and cool, classmates are jealous of him. When he promises something, you can guarantee that he will keep it unless it has anything to do with murder or theft.
Age: 12 years as of February 27, 2011
Name:Tenssutu Daichi (Te-tun-sut-ooo Die-i-chi)
Gender:Boy
Age:13 with first bey-16 with second bey

BeybladeConfusedtarts with Heat Auriga FS(Four stamina)145 FSS(Flat Semi-Sharp) And ends with Ash Flame Hydrus(Defense)145 HF(Hole Flat)

Beyblades Special Moves:Heat Auriga FS145FSS-Crash Wing (When it flies up and the Gyro Fusion Ring gets its blades out and hits the opponent with them) Final Move-Gravity Destroyer(It uses FS145 To change gravity and makes the opponent stop spinning) Ash Flame Hydrus D145 HF-Earth Explosion (A Earth Hydra comes up and posseses the opponent for the rest of the battle) Final Move-Crusher Hydra(The Points go off and he shreds the opponent in half)

Beyblades Types:First bey-Balance Second Bey-Attack


Tenssutu's Clothes and gear-Shirt:A Bing pegaus wing next a magic ball Pants-Jeans with a chain on the back pocket

Heat Auriga's Parts:

Face-Red Perseus face with "AuRiGa" writing

Fusion ring-Firery swords around red aquario wheel

Gyro Spin wheel-Just 4 orange wings

Fusion Wheel-Heat wheel from Heat Wolf

Spin Track-Like GB145 But metal balls inside flat surfaces/squares and its the actual size of 145

Performance Tip-Flat with a semi-sharp bottom

Ash Flame Hydrus

Face-3 Big rocks

Fusion Ring-Yellow Escolpio Ring with teeth at each end as points

Fusion Wheel-Black burn wheel

Track-Yellow D145

Tip-Yellow HF

Spin Direction:First bey-Left and right Second bey-Left
Name:Tensuka Daichi
Gender:Boy
Age:10-11

Beyblade:Night Pegasus TD145(Tornado Defense)RB(Rubber Ball)

Beyblade Special move:Night Destroyer(A Gigantic meteor thats as big as 60 houses and tiny meteors strike and finishes the bey) Final Move-Night Earth Crusher(Copies of pegasus come out and a giant meteors come out and explodes)

Beyblade Type:Balance

ClothingConfusedhirt-Blue with NEVEER GIVE UP Writing and a vest thats purple Pants-Black jeans and chains in the left front pocket
Name:Andrew Rotragani
Bey:Mecha Zeta C:G (Continuous Grip)(HF to RS)
Bey Description:Mecha Zeta is a Robot. C:G goes from HF to RS whenever its hit and vise-versa through out the battle. Mecha is shaped like Counter with slopes like the Tornado Wheel.
Alignment:Good
Age:13
Character Description:Andrew is bright funny and cheerful and is always looking for a challenge.
Special Moves:Zeta Boost:Cannon(Strong KO)
Special Moves:Zeta Boost:Fortress(Becomes an immoveable fortress)
Type:Balance
Name:Tendeichina Daichi
Gender:Boy
Age:7

Beyblade:Twin Ceres D145F

(Twin wheel is like evil/killer wheel but the empty spaces are filled in making Twin Defense and ceres is half a aquario ring and half of cancer/gasher)

Special Move:Twin Blade-(The bey splits in half and shreds the enemy in half)Final Move-Crisis Jump-(10000 copies come and use a dust tornado to destroy the enemy)
Oh and the Daichi brothers are good and Tendeichina is sounded as (Ten-dai-shina) and Twin ceres is defense type
Mind saying something?
This is not a novel.
This is a script.

No describtions, no feelings and else.
Name:Unknown(Most call him "shadow of the west" because of his american voice when/if he talks)
Bey:Unknown Shadow S100 G
Looks:He has blue eyes, blonde hair and very pale skin.(But he mostly coveres his face with his cloak)He has a black hooded cloak, kind of like a grim reaper.
PersonallityEeevil, cold, a great blader, a tratior, quiet
Dark moveTongue_outain:Acid jets squirt out of his metal wheel and decintergrate the opponent
NameGrinamynd Hart (Dai-men'd Heart)
Gender:Boy
Age:???

Beyblade:Crimson Rex TR145 (Triple roller) XF(Xtreme flat)

(Crimson Pegasus is Cyber Pegasus evo. and i got crimson there)

Special Move:Nightmeare Dance(The opponent has 3 effects randomly 1-The enemy beyblade breaks 2-The enemy person abandons it 3-The launcher will crack.)

He's a bad guy
And so begins the doom of this thread, as it is bombarded with character requests and demands. (LOTR quote, modified Joyful_2).

So a review, then!

1. Fix your grammar. Remember, there are spaces after periods and commas.
2. The beginning looked weird. I didn't understand how it could start with him like that (The grandpa dead). You should at least explain how he died or something.
My first 4d one (Wow lots of request.

Name:Ryukesii (Ryo-kosi)
Gender:Boy
Age:???

Beyblade:Crisis Exos B:C(Balance Change) (Changes to all types of bottoms ex:Attack-F,WF,XF,HF,SF,FS,RF,R^2F,HF and RS.

Special MoveEeelemental Screech(When All of his copies come and they have diffrent B:C Variations and they make a LOUD noise)
Ryukesii is a neutral.
Cyber Pegasus evolvtion should be here,Crimson Pegasus 85 MRF
And now I have to fit all these characters in...(sigh)
I won't be able to write a lot this summer since I have to do 2 book reports...(sigh again...)
Oh,and Sparta,I'm gonna improve.I'm not that great at English and Writing.
So all of you guys with request,expect not that many post,but your characters will still be in chapters.
(Jul. 12, 2011  12:44 AM)Tenssutu_bey Wrote: My first 4d one (Wow lots of request.

Name:Ryukesii (Ryo-kosi)
Gender:Boy
Age:???

Beyblade:Crisis Exos B:C(Balance Change) (Changes to all types of bottoms ex:Attack-F,WF,XF,HF,SF,FS,RF,R^2F,HF and RS.

Special MoveEeelemental Screech(When All of his copies come and they have diffrent B:C Variations and they make a LOUD noise)
Ryukesii is a neutral.
Cyber Pegasus evolvtion should be here,Crimson Pegasus 85 MRF
No mine was
I meant MY first 4d one
Character Application
- Aero Hoshigaki (LOL Naruto rip-off)
- MF-H Basalt Leone GB145CD (Coat Defense) (BTW the clear wheel is clear white)
- Personality is similar to Kyoya's except he is a lot friendlier.
- This Beyblade has been passed down in his family from his grandfather to his father to him.
- Titanium Fury Shot: Leone starts glowing white and hits the opponent beyblade full force and it soars out of the stadium.
Titanium Force Guard: Leone stays in one place and starts illuminating white and it is nearly impossibe for the opponent beyblade to make Leone budge.
-Character History: His family is relatively wealthy and he has been into Beyblade ever since Leone was passed on to him.