Elephant Strife

Poll: How is my story so far?

Really good!
33.33%
3
It's good, but it could use some work.
66.67%
6
Really bad story.
0%
0
Total: 100% 9 vote(s)
Ok, so I've had this story for a long time, and I'm finally going to post it Grin Since it's pretty late right now, I'm only going to post a prologue, to give you guys some background information. Please critique, I don't want mindless comments or hate remarks. Also, don't just say you hate it because you don't like the topic.

Chapter 1 (Click to View)
When i saw the title it mislead me to think it was about FF7 but its actually interesting. Keep it up.
(May. 02, 2011  4:14 AM)Oath Keeper Wrote: When i saw the title it mislead me to think it was about FF7 but its actually interesting. Keep it up.

Thanks, yeah, I can see where you got confused there but, strife is a word which means "bitter conflict".
(May. 02, 2011  4:16 AM)NoodooSoup Wrote:
(May. 02, 2011  4:14 AM)Oath Keeper Wrote: When i saw the title it mislead me to think it was about FF7 but its actually interesting. Keep it up.

Thanks, yeah, I can see where you got confused there but, strife is a word which means "bitter conflict".

I know, it sounds like a sort of FF Theme kind of, that is what impressed me. Any idea when Chapter1 will be up?
impressive
great story, though it needs some spice
nice story keep on going with ur work
(May. 02, 2011  12:51 PM)Dracovianauis Wrote: impressive
great story, though it needs some spice

Any specific things I should improve on?
The new chapter is up, guys! Not particularly liking it so much, but I never like my work. This chapter is a FLASHBACK, he's not eight years old in the story, only in this chapter.
now that has tha spice, good descriptions and dialogue, excellent balance, 9.5/10
Thanks, anything I should remember to fix next time I write the chapter?
just keep your punctuation on the line (as in keeping it good, i only say 1 or 2 mistakes) and have the blend of description and dialogue balanced like chapter 1
The title reminds me of "elephant strike", and when I first read the prologue, I thought it reminded me of "The Giver".

Even so, I like the idea, and the story. Your descriptions are good, but they are a little...uncanny? Random? I'm not quite sure, but somehow they feel out of place. I wish I could give you a more accurate description, but try to fix that...
(Jun. 10, 2011  8:21 PM)Sparta Wrote: The title reminds me of "elephant strike", and when I first read the prologue, I thought it reminded me of "The Giver".

Even so, I like the idea, and the story. Your descriptions are good, but they are a little...uncanny? Random? I'm not quite sure, but somehow they feel out of place. I wish I could give you a more accurate description, but try to fix that...

I understand where you're coming from when you said it sounded like The Giver Lips_sealed

I'll try to fix the description in the next chapter, maybe even edit the first if I have the motivation. Thanks for the critique though! Grin
Sounds like what would happen to Jonas' community after he left, or something like that. I'd like to see where this goes.